Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

I'm just not sure what to do next, I just feel so frustrated and a failure to my son! DS is 4 months old and is not a good self soother (although I thought we were making progress, he fell asleep on his own once this week) He is a total cat napper because he can't get himself back to sleep and is taking 4 -40 min to 1 hour naps a day in the crib. The only way he will nap longer is with/on me. At night he sleeps 3-5 hours at a stretch and then eats and falls right back asleep. I have a bedtime routine and right now I rock him until drowsy and sometimes he will fall asleep once I put him down, other times his eyes pop open and he starts crying (then the fun begins!).
My DH was asking if he is ready to CIO to go to sleep, and I'm not sure since he was a preemie and technically is 6 weeks younger, but who knows. Swaddling used to help, but he is out of the miracle blanket in about 3 minutes flat now!
I am so lost as to how to treat this situation.....I feel like CIO will be an option, but are there any others? I am using white noise and I know his sleepy signs and get him down right away. I know if I nurse him he will fall right asleep, but I want other people to be able to put him to bed too, so I have not been doing that for the past month or so. And he doesn't seem to like the binkie.
I am sorry if I am rambling, I love my son so much and I just want to help him get the sleep he needs. I just don't know what to do.

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

I know it's so hard.

Personally, I think 4 months is too young for CIO. If I were you - I would just rock him to sleep and then put him down. Keep trying when he's drowsy, bc I do believe the day will come when he will be able to fully put himself to sleep - but for now, it seems he needs your help.

I transitioned DD from being rocked in my arms standing up (it was BREAKING my back) to being rocked in the glider (much easier on me) at around 4 months. She cried at first, but I was still holding her and comforting her so I knew she was okay. That was our routine till DD was about 6 or 7 months. Then, unfortunately, we had to do CIO. I couldn't figure out any other way. BUT -- that was when she was older and I felt more comfortable with it.

I have no idea if anything I just wrote helps you , but maybe it will. Hang in there ... this stuff DOES pass!!

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

first, don't be so had on yourself. most babies do not sleep for really long stretches for a quite a few months. right now you are just establishing a routine and still getting to know what works and what doesn't. my DD was the same way at this age. i thought i would never sleep longer than 4 hours b/c she wouldn't. only b/c she wasn't ready yet. at this age i do think CIO is too young and especially b/c he was a preemie. i did CIO at a young age too but not until she was 6months. some on here will tell you that's too young too but it worked and didn't take too long for her to get it. it is good that you have a b/t routine-stick with it. i used to think it was a waste b/c DD didn't know what was going on. now, it is so established she really does know it's time for bed. she is now almost a year old and sleeps so amazingly well. she started sleeping well at around 6 months. i was fortunate that i could put her down awake with no rocking or anything and she fell asleep on her own and still does. she does take a binky though and i think thats why. we also use the white noise which is great. keep trying to put him down awake even if you have to wind up rocking him. you never know when he might take to it. one day it just might happen. DD just started out of the blue and did not want to be rocked anymore.
IMO it is the key that helps them sleep thru. if you're putting them to sleep thru rocking or nursing they are going to continually wake up looking for it and never self soothe. so for now, spoil him as you will. but in the coming months as he gets older try to let him figure it out. i also think if you wait too long to CIO it's harder. i cannot imagine having to do it with DD now b/c she is smarter and more aware. she would manipulate me for sure! good luck! i know it will get better for you!

oh and DD did not get a good nap routine going until 5-6 months either. she would nap here and there and anywhere from her infant carrier to on me. once she was like 5 months i started to put her in a little corner of the crib (to help her feel snug). i found that putting her down 2 hrs after she awoke in the morning established her morning nap. the afternoon nap came later on like 6 months when she was eating solid foods. that nap would happen like 2 hrs after she had lunch. it really is amazing how as time goes on it falls into place. at 4 months routine, naps, and sleeping thru are still goals to work on.

Message edited 5/31/2008 10:59:01 AM.

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

Let me just say that I now have an amazing sleeper. He puts himself to sleep and sleeps through the night.

If you do a search for me and use the word "sleep" you will see a history of awful, awful, awful sleep with Cailen. Awful. The kid didn't sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, and then slept for 2 hours at a clip. Up until very recently.

Everything I did, people said - watch out, you will tecah him bad habits. I had him sleeping in a boucy, then a swing, then a pack n play, and finally a crib when he was 5 months old, but he never slept for more than 2 hours ata time no matter what.

I tried CIO, didn't work.

Just recently, he "got" it. He got that he needs to sleep when he is tired. He takes naps for 2-3 hours. He sleeps through the night. The only thing we had to battle with was not waking up to give him a bottle in the middle of the night when he turned 1. And he was great with that.

I think so much of sleep depends on the child and when he/she is developmentally ready. Yes, we grapple with tricks, magic dust, and every book written on the subject, but unfortunately I have learned it comes down to the child. even with good habits we try to instill and bad habits we try to break, these kids do not do one thing until they are ready.

And this is the biggest, most difficult, most back breaking part of being a parent, IMO....

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

I'm no expert on this topic, my DD is only 4 weeks and I haven't had a decent nights sleep since about 6 weeks ago (end of my pregnancy was uncomfortable). I wanted to offer . I hear lots of differing advice on CIO. I basically let DD fall asleep on my chest, then I put her in her crib. It usually works. Some nights are better than others... last night was okay... the night before I think I got 45 minutes of sleep. Dh is ready to sleep in the basement during the work week b/c he's too exhausted during the work day. I told him to go for it as we need his income. I'm home anyway for now.

I do sometimes put her down just groggy rather than actually sleeping. I've let her CIO for about 15 minutes and she did fall asleep - however, this has been very inconsistent and unless I'm truly at my breaking point I won't let her cry alone for longer than 15 minutes unless it's safer for her to be in the crib than frustrating me - or like the other day if I didn't put her down for a minute to pee and to eat something I was going to pass out - especially with no sleep in me. Other times I can hold her till the cows come home and she's still screaming. However, usually more screaming she does during the day - the better she sleeps at night. Again I offer b/c it's so hard to know what to do and when to do it. By the time I go back to work in late July we are going to have to start working on the self-soothing thing. I initially was set against day-care centers, but between the price and the stimulation they may offer - maybe she'll be exhausted at night - especially work nights!

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

first

I personally think 4 months is too young for CIO.

We never did CIO with dd when she was a baby...I used to rock her to sleep every night

Now within the past 2 weeks, she almost does not want me to rock her so I put her right into the crib and she falls asleep on her own ( i thought that would NEVER happen )

I think at this point, you should just keep soothing him and hopefully, he will begin to sleep for longer stretches

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

sounds so much like my kid.

only would nap on me for the first 8 months.

only goes to sleep at night when absolutely can't keep his eyes open for another minute.

I tried CIO, complete failure. He just yelled and yelled.

Then he broke our crib...

Then he jumped out of the crib.

My is an affection nut. Hugs and kisses all day long. Now I come to terms with the fact that he just wants to be close to us.

So, in a nutshell, I have zero advice. I have just accepted it. At 8 months, he did start taking long naps in his crib. I guess he was just finally ready.

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

thanks so much, just to know I am not alone in all of this helps immensely......I know every child is different, but sometimes you just get to a bad place where you feel as a mom you must be doing something wrong! thanks again, I appreciate....

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

DS in 3 months and he only falls alseep if i rock him or if hes on me as well! I try to make sure he is in a deep sleep before putting him in the crib. He is not sleeping longer than 4hrs and night either! I say do whatever works! I wouldnt do CIO at this young age! If the baby needs help falling asleep, help him. I just hope as ds gets older he will be able to self soothe! I have been trying to tell myself not to worry so much.

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

I wanted to recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby"

I found it very useful.

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

I'll say the opposite of everyone else, I think it's a good idea to get them used to falling asleep on their own at a young age. I did it with James and he is a great sleeper. I'm not saying let the baby scream its head off for hours on end, but you could try to ease off the rocking to sleep and let him soothe himself. Of course, I know this is easier said then done, and every baby is different. Good luck! I hope he becomes a good sleeper. You shouldn't feel like a failure no matter what happens. You are his mommy and trying to do what you feel is right.

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

first off...you are NOT a failure by any means.

I have been dealing with sleep issues since my DS was born.

He is and never was a napper. He too would do the 40-45 min nap. I would have to rock him backk again and then he would nap another 40 mins.

Sleeping was always an issue mostly. He did have a good stretch 4-6 mos when we used the swaddle me. DS got out of the miracle blanket day 1 of using it.

Then at mos 7 (late mind you) i had had had to stop swaddling. Mos 7-8 he was up almost EVERY HOUR!!!! Sometimes during the might more. It was terrible.

But for the past couple of days it has been like a light switch is slowly going on. He is sleeping better and for longer spurts. No more waking up to reposition him or give him a binkie.

Speaking of the binkie, my DS is NOT a binkie kid. EXCEPT for putting him to sleep. IMO it is like taking a sleeping pill. I can pop that into his mouth and that would be the only way he would fall alseep.

I also do the rocking! Even now at 8 plus mos. Naps it is a full rocking. Bedtime not so much anymore. He drinks his bottle and i let him play for about 15 mins. I put the binkie in his mouth and he sits back chills out and falls asleep with little to no rocking.

IMO he is and always will dictate his sleeping. I agree with PP that i think babies sleep longer when they are just ready to do so.

I know CIO is in my near future. I do want him to be able to put himself to sleep for naps. But i will cross that bridge when i get to it. For now i am happy with the slow progress he has made.

Hold tight, you aren't alone

Re: Sleep issues....I feel like a failure (long)

I would wait until atleast six months for CIO. Give yourself and your baby time.