So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

to a little girl in the grocery store with her mom. I had Grace with me and was doing food shopping for the week. The mom said the little girl is 18 months, same age as Grace. Her DD starts screaming I mean the blood curdling scream that we all dread in public places. I tell Grace to wave hello to her, and the little girl laughed. SO I say to the mom "you know my DD was screaming like that too 10 minutes ago. I have these organic oatmeal cookies that I opened up for my daughter. Sometimes if it is close to lunch time for her by the time we get here (the store), these do the trick. I have plenty would you like one for your daughter?" She looked at me like I was NUTSO and then said "I don't give her cookies, sorry" In a nasty tone, like she was pizzed I got involved in her parenting her screaming child. Then she shot me this nasty look. Mind you, I was so super nice and non-threatening. I was in jeans and WOW I even showered & put on make up today so I know I did not look nuts. I mean all she had to say was "no thanks" or "she has food allergies" or whatever that case was. I felt like I saw a mom in need of a little break and wanted to be nice. Plus, I opened them up like two minutes before, they were in the box and I handed her the box so that I would not touch it.

Meanwhile Grace is sitting there in the cart, trying to give this little girl her cookie and her toy I brought for her to play with. I was proud of her.

So I ask my fellow moms out there. Was I wrong or was this lady having a bad day? I know some kids have food allergies, but my gut is telling me that is not the case here. When ever I offer food to a child who has food allergies the parent ALWAYS says "sorry they have an allergy to ____ and cannot have that"

What are your thoughts?

Message edited 11/16/2007 2:54:19 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

It was so nice of you to offer. She should have just said no thank you.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

That lady is an idiot, you did nothing wrong....

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

NM

Message edited 11/16/2007 2:46:55 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Definately sounds like she was having a bad mommy day and thought you were judging her. We all have those moments But you were being so sweet so I wouldn't worry about it.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Oh my, that mommy most certainly needs a break!

We don't give Alex cookies (ok, ok, I confess, I sneak one in once in a while when DH isn't looking ), so, when people offer to give Alex a cookie or candy (and it seems to happen all the time - I guess people feel sorry for me and think a cookie will help with Alex's behavior - silly people!), I always smile politely, say thank you, but we don't give her cookies.

I would never be so rude - sorry!

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

She was probably embarrassed or maybe she's just a crab.

It was nice of you to offer to help. Even though my DS wouldn't have been able to have the cookie (allergies) I would have been grateful for the offer of help.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

very nice of you...she was having a bad day...dismiss her...

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Well - I personally would have thought it was really nice, and probably would have even taken the cookie so I wouldnt offend you.... If I didnt want him to have it, I would have ducked into another aisle and taken it away.... But I probably wouldnt have take a cookie away from him if he was enjoying it, so honeslty, the whole thing for me would have gone down a lot differently...


That being said, I know that sometimes when a mom is stressed about her kid flipping out, her reasoning skills shift, and she starts to think everyone must be judging her, and any type of offer may be perceived as, "hmmm - I see you obviously have no idea how to parent, so let me tell you how to do it..." - she may have seen you with your well behaved child, and thought, "This woman is obviously judging me..."

I remember a few mts ago, I was going thru a lot. DH was never home, Cailen never slept, and he cried when he was awake. I had to take him out to keep him quiet. I was at a carnival, and putting him in his Bjorn. It must have looked like I was having trouble - and a woman was watching me, and asked if I needed help. To me, her face looked like she was worried I was going to drop him.

I told her, "No, I do this all the time."

Looking back, I know I didnt say it nicely. All I could think was, "What - she thinks I dont know what I'm doing?"

but that was my mindset at the time. I doubted if I knew what I was doing sometimes....

So, basically - it all came from her - how she was preceiving herself and how she was feeling with her daughter going thru her tantrum phase. She took it out on you.

You dont know what she';s going thu at home. she may be going thru a lot!!!!

Message edited 11/16/2007 2:53:13 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

The thing is I was really nice and really tried to talk to her in a non-judgemental way, KWIM? I mean we have ALL been there. BTW, we don't give Grace cookies ALL the time, just occasionally as a treat.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

You were totally not wrong, that woman was a b!tch! She should of said, oh no thankyou, its not such a hard thing to say.... I just feel bad for the kids when I see parents that act that way towards other's, it means the kids will probably grow up just like them, sad.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Message edited 11/16/2007 2:59:25 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

She was rude but maybe she was having a bad day. To be honest I am shocked at the amount of people who offer food to my 21 mth old - not an organic cookie - lollipops mostly although a check out lady offered DD one of her chips the other day ...I get kind of frazzled when they do as I know there will come a day when DD will demand to have it and I will be left with the meltdown on my hands so for now I politely refuse and run away!! thats what this lady should have done.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

I'll have a cookie!

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Posted by lipglossjunky73
. You could have been Mother Mary herself, and she still would have been crabby.... Its her, not you.

Message edited 11/16/2007 3:04:48 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Posted by dandr10199

Posted by lipglossjunky73
. You could have been Mother Mary herself, and she still would have been crabby.... Its her, not you.

Liza, this just made me LMAO! THANK YOU!

I'm not offended per se, just wanted to know if I was wrong to offer help.

I am just the type of mom that if someone was that nice to me, I would possibly want to forge a friendship with that mom (a mom who was sweet and not judgemental). I am not in desperate need of friends, but I try to surround myself and my DD with non-competitive (my DC in is in 800 classes and they are quoting Shakespeare...What is YOUR child doing type moms) moms and DC who are nice and know how to play nice and share their toys. KWIM?

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

That was very nice of you. I'm grateful to anyone who stops my DD from screaming when I am out.
She probably was having a bad day.

Message edited 11/16/2007 3:04:47 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

You were definitely not wrong. It sounds like this woman was just having a bad day.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Posted by lipglossjunky73


I know what you mean!!!

so wait - your kid is NOT quoting Shakespeare yet???

Message edited 11/16/2007 3:06:49 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

I don't think you did anything wrong She was probably stressed out if her DC wasn't so well-behaved in the store. I know I get stressed when my kids are being a pain in the butt.

I however, don't like it when people offer sweets to my son. I limit them and if it's offered, he gets upset if I accept and then don't give it to him to eat. Just speaking on the other side of the equation. I wouldn't be a jerk about it though!

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

This exact situation happened to me last week! I took the boys to get their pictures taken and Jack (23months) was freaking out when I put him in his stroller. Out of nowhere a Mommy came over and offered some crackers. I thought it was so sweet and I accepted them and my son was happy! I was there with my SIL and I think she thought I was crazy accepting food from a stranger.

ETA: So I don't think you were wrong, I think it was very nice of you to try and help a mom out ~ some people are just rude!!! If she didn't want them she could have politely said no thanks.

Message edited 11/16/2007 3:29:45 PM.

Re: So, I offer a cookie...(need opinions)

you were not wrong to try and help her out in a stressful situation, I know you truly meant it soley as someone who could feel her pain type of thing.
Its not like you handed the box over to the child without asking.

I think she was probably having a bad day, that coupled with not having control of the situation/child at that moment in time resulted in Ms. Nasty Pants.

you meant well