So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

Message edited 8/18/2007 10:01:44 AM.

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I wouldn't let it go or he might think he can do it all the time. "You know honey, I really would have appreciated some help since you had the time..." Ask him for you to have some time to yourself this evening since he didn't have to do anything all day and take a nice relaxing bath.

I'm speaking as someone who seems to do it all, all the time, and you don't want to get into that routine--trust me!

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I would be just as frustrated and ticked..but Is he normally sleeping when you get up in the am? Is that your normal routine?

If it's your normal routine in the am, then I would let it go, he might have just decided to stay home when he woke up at his normal time.

But if it's not normality in your house and he just slept in cause he felt like it, then I would say something to him later when I wasn't angry or frustrated..Like "this am, it would have been nice for you to help out since you knew you were staying home"

Then just let it go, it's not worth getting all upset over and arguing in my opinion.

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I suggest you read "Babyproofing your marriage." It really helps deal with situations like this. The first thing they say is that you can't 'tally' everything. Also, you have to make his jobs clear to him. He has to do the garbage, and feed and clean up after the pets. Or whatever you think he should be doing. If he doesn't do it, you tell him to do it. Even if you have to tell him 10 times. He will finally get sick of you "nagging" him and will do it on his own. It's worked for me

Good luck!

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I would mention to him later that you'd have appreciated him offering to help, but NEXT time - definitely enlist his help without giving him a choice: i.e. "Great! You'll be home today? I need you to take care of this for me since I'm running late it would be a huge help. Thanks" and off you go.

I have learned not to expect DH to read my mind if I want something from him I have to be very specific in telling him - and he almost always does what I ask with no problem. Otherwise, they think we've got it all covered (because apparently we make it look easy)

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

My response woould have been great. Here you can do all this & take the baby. Have a great day off!

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I'm going to say let it go - this time.

Next time, realize if you want him to do something, you have to ask him. Say, "Great you're staying home? Please drop the baby off & the bank deposits. "

I offer to do those things for him. I learned early on if I didn't specifically ask or give tasks, he wasn't going to offer. He's not an offerer, I am.

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I probably wouldn't let it go but that is just because I am a crazy Italian.

Men have NO CLUE what we do. They think it all gets magically done. If it's going to bother you then say something - if not then let it go this time - and if something like this happens again then def. say something.

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I personally could nevr let that go. I'd be so pizzed!

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

I would say something calmly to him like, I could have really used your help this morning. Next time you decide to ake the day off, please ask me if there is anything you can do to help me out. I would really appreciate it. I just have a lot to take care of.

This way, its not accusing him of doing something wrong (which could get him defensive) and its just asking for the future.

Re: So mad...and upset...this morning at DH

Girls...thank you for all your advice, you made me feel alot better, I honestly was almost in tears this morning, I am soo considerate of his feelings and try to make things easy for him, he is working 2 jobs (I am working equally as hard to with my 1 job and DD) I am not going to ruin MY weekend over this, I may not bring this up as soon as I get home tonight but I am delegating jobs / chores this weekend, since he is "off"

Thank you all again.