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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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So not cool...
Not even sure what to make of this. And I am sure "it happens". I am just not used to it yet so it was a pretty big damper for me.
We were invited to a classmates bday party today. It was Great!!! So much fun! (female student). there were about 4 girls missing (figured they had other plans or what not). There were about 6 girls at this party and a handfull of boys (all classmates). Towards the end 2 girls make a big announcement that they are leaving for one of the "missing girls" bday parties. My dd and the other girls realize they werent invited to the other girls party. I personally didnt put two and two together until we were leaving. Anyone that was there at this bday party was not invited to the other party. The parent apparently handpicked a few girls and left out all of these girls. They are only in kindergarten. what a perfect introduction AND this girl came to my dd's bday party. I am LIVID. Does this just happen in general and its something I have to get used to? (she obviously left boys out completely). BTW...silly me, I invited the whole class figuring welcome to kindergarten.
-adding I am specifically angry bc my dd left crying and saying she wanted to go to this girls party.
Message edited 3/31/2012 8:19:44 PM.
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Posted 3/31/12 8:18 PM  |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: So not cool...
I don't know.. birthday parties are expensive. We invited all classmates to Robbie's bday in K and 1st grade.. but last year he was only allowed to pick his 5 closest friends. It was at our home and I just didn't have the time/money for it.
I would assume it might be driven by her financial ability rather than a desire to be 'exclusive'.
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| Posted 3/31/12 8:43 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by rojerono
I don't know.. birthday parties are expensive. We invited all classmates to Robbie's bday in K and 1st grade.. but last year he was only allowed to pick his 5 closest friends. It was at our home and I just didn't have the time/money for it.
I would assume it might be driven by her financial ability rather than a desire to be 'exclusive'.
Ya know, in general I agree. However, not this family. They are on a bunch of committees in the school and what not. I dont think it was driven by money at all. I also agree that eventually it will come to 5 or so kids. But I didnt think in kindergarten and I certainly wouldnt send my child to a bday party that I didnt intend to invite their child...KWIM...
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| Posted 3/31/12 8:47 PM |
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: So not cool...
I understand how you must have felt seeing your daghter in tears, and I am sure she did get her feelings hurt over being excluded but really, it's all about presentation, in my opinion.
I think it is perfectly OK not to invite the whole class to a birthday party. We are not inviting the whole class, mostly because we can't afford to have so many kids there. Also, even if we did, this is the age when children start to form friendships and become closer to some kids and not the others. There are some kids in her classroom who I know she is not very close with so I don't see the need to invite them. I also know for a fact that she was not invited to every classmate's party and that's perfectly fine with me. When she started saying something I would immediately say that not everyone is close friends with each other and that's OK! And that she went and is going to many other birthday parties of her friends and cousins that some other people might not be going too, so everything evens out in the end.
 
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| Posted 3/31/12 8:57 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by WhatNow
I understand how you must have felt seeing your daghter in tears, and I am sure she did get her feelings hurt over being excluded but really, it's all about presentation, in my opinion.
I think it is perfectly OK not to invite the whole class to a birthday party. We are not inviting the whole class, mostly because we can't afford to have so many kids there. Also, even if we did, this is the age when children start to form friendships and become closer to some kids and not the others. There are some kids in her classroom who I know she is not very close with so I don't see the need to invite them. I also know for a fact that she was not invited to every classmate's party and that's perfectly fine with me. When she started saying something I would immediately say that not everyone is close friends with each other and that's OK! And that she went and is going to many other birthday parties of her friends and cousins that some other people might not be going too, so everything evens out in the end.
I know you are right. And like I said, I am mainly angry bc my dd was upset. I hated every second of dealing with that. And I also know it will probably only get worse as the yrs go on with total let downs. I just felt that it was awful doing it in such an obvious way like doing it opposite another childs party. You are right though, I will remind her of all the extra things she will be doing as opposed to todays situation. She was really upset but went to bed. I just feel bad for her, nothing more.
-question for you: would you still attend all these childrens invtes that you werent inviting? bc I personall wouldnt. I was wondering why someone would?
Message edited 3/31/2012 9:08:01 PM.
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| Posted 3/31/12 9:06 PM |
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by WhatNow
I understand how you must have felt seeing your daghter in tears, and I am sure she did get her feelings hurt over being excluded but really, it's all about presentation, in my opinion.
I think it is perfectly OK not to invite the whole class to a birthday party. We are not inviting the whole class, mostly because we can't afford to have so many kids there. Also, even if we did, this is the age when children start to form friendships and become closer to some kids and not the others. There are some kids in her classroom who I know she is not very close with so I don't see the need to invite them. I also know for a fact that she was not invited to every classmate's party and that's perfectly fine with me. When she started saying something I would immediately say that not everyone is close friends with each other and that's OK! And that she went and is going to many other birthday parties of her friends and cousins that some other people might not be going too, so everything evens out in the end.
I know you are right. And like I said, I am mainly angry bc my dd was upset. I hated every second of dealing with that. And I also know it will probably only get worse as the yrs go on with total let downs. I just felt that it was awful doing it in such an obvious way like doing it opposite another childs party. You are right though, I will remind her of all the extra things she will be doing as opposed to todays situation. She was really upset but went to bed. I just feel bad for her, nothing more.
-question for you: would you still attend all these childrens invtes that you werent inviting? bc I personall wouldnt. I was wondering why someone would?
Hmm, maybe not on that very day-I agree, that was a little strange- but generally, I would. My son went to a few birthday parties where I know he was only inivited because the moms of the birthday girl and me are friendly and often chat in the school yard. I do like some of those moms very much and their daughters are very nice girls. My son went to those parties equiped with very thoughtful gifts that I personally picked out for each girl, but I am not goign to force my son to invite them because I know he isn't really friends with them. He is not really friends with MOST girls at this point in his life! 
We did refuse an invitation to another classmates party because it was during one of his weekend activities and i wasn't going to have him miss it because of the party of a girl he basely said 5 words to during the whole school year.
On the other hand, there is a boy in his class whose parents routinely bring not one but TWO other uninvited children (the sister and cousin) to all parties. Yes, can you imagine?? I would love nothing more than not invite him but he is a great friend of my son and I couldn't possibly do that.
So, really, the moral of my endless rambling is: it totally depends on millions of circumstances and you should just teach your little girl NOT to take it personally. I know how hard it is but my theory is: the earlier they learn that some people's opinion just isn't important the better it is for the in the long run!
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| Posted 3/31/12 9:29 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by WhatNow
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by WhatNow
I understand how you must have felt seeing your daghter in tears, and I am sure she did get her feelings hurt over being excluded but really, it's all about presentation, in my opinion.
I think it is perfectly OK not to invite the whole class to a birthday party. We are not inviting the whole class, mostly because we can't afford to have so many kids there. Also, even if we did, this is the age when children start to form friendships and become closer to some kids and not the others. There are some kids in her classroom who I know she is not very close with so I don't see the need to invite them. I also know for a fact that she was not invited to every classmate's party and that's perfectly fine with me. When she started saying something I would immediately say that not everyone is close friends with each other and that's OK! And that she went and is going to many other birthday parties of her friends and cousins that some other people might not be going too, so everything evens out in the end.
I know you are right. And like I said, I am mainly angry bc my dd was upset. I hated every second of dealing with that. And I also know it will probably only get worse as the yrs go on with total let downs. I just felt that it was awful doing it in such an obvious way like doing it opposite another childs party. You are right though, I will remind her of all the extra things she will be doing as opposed to todays situation. She was really upset but went to bed. I just feel bad for her, nothing more.
-question for you: would you still attend all these childrens invtes that you werent inviting? bc I personall wouldnt. I was wondering why someone would?
Hmm, maybe not on that very day-I agree, that was a little strange- but generally, I would. My son went to a few birthday parties where I know he was only inivited because the moms of the birthday girl and me are friendly and often chat in the school yard. I do like some of those moms very much and their daughters are very nice girls. My son went to those parties equiped with very thoughtful gifts that I personally picked out for each girl, but I am not goign to force my son to invite them because I know he isn't really friends with them. He is not really friends with MOST girls at this point in his life!
We did refuse an invitation to another classmates party because it was during one of his weekend activities and i wasn't going to have him miss it because of the party of a girl he basely said 5 words to during the whole school year.
On the other hand, there is a boy in his class whose parents routinely bring not one but TWO other uninvited children (the sister and cousin) to all parties. Yes, can you imagine?? I would love nothing more than not invite him but he is a great friend of my son and I couldn't possibly do that.
So, really, the moral of my endless rambling is: it totally depends on millions of circumstances and you should just teach your little girl NOT to take it personally. I know how hard it is but my theory is: the earlier they learn that some people's opinion just isn't important the better it is for the in the long run!
Thanks! You gave some great advice! Like I tell everyone, My second was born 5 months ago, by time she is my 5 yr olds age, I will be past it all and probably not give a cr@p about anything. Its all these "firsts" that make me crazy!!! Ya live and learn.
Message edited 3/31/2012 9:49:56 PM.
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| Posted 3/31/12 9:49 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: So not cool...
Noah's been invited to 3 classmates parties this year, he went to 2 ( one was a conflict or he would have gone). We won't invite any of them to his party.
We can't.
We have 25 kids for his party already and thats just family/close friends, not one kid from school. He really wants to invite 2-4 kids from his class but I would them feel bad not inviting them all. So I see yoru point, that if he invited 2-4 , I would feel he HAD to invite those kids whose parties he went to.
Its all too much for me. LOL
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| Posted 3/31/12 11:34 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by dm24angel
Noah's been invited to 3 classmates parties this year, he went to 2 ( one was a conflict or he would have gone). We won't invite any of them to his party.
We can't.
We have 25 kids for his party already and thats just family/close friends, not one kid from school. He really wants to invite 2-4 kids from his class but I would them feel bad not inviting them all. So I see yoru point, that if he invited 2-4 , I would feel he HAD to invite those kids whose parties he went to.
Its all too much for me. LOL
No, I know. Honestly, I am kinda over it. I was just sitting with it on my mind earlier and couldnt get out of my mind my dd's face when leaving the other party and coming home. A few other "uninvited" parents called me in the interim feeling the same way I actually did. Eh, it is what it is. Like I said before though, I def do not think it was a financial situation. If I were that parent I probably wouldnt be making decisions of who my child likes/dislikes so early. Especially with young kds, it changes very quickly. I also think given the circumstances of both parties held the same day, it was especially awkward.
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| Posted 3/31/12 11:51 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: So not cool...
I wanted to add that I can COMPLETELY understand you being upset. Nobody wants to see their kid cry or feel left out. I mean - it's terrible for the child but I think it might even be WORSE for the parent to see their baby hurting!
But - luckily - kids are so resilient.
You are right about kids switching friends a million times at this age. If it isn't financial it is more likely about who the PARENTS are friends with and who they want their children to form bonds with. I mean - A and B go to the same salon and A kind of admires B so she wants to make sure that B's kid likes her kid.. KWIM? It's not about the kids at all and it makes me roll my eyes whenever I see it but what can you do, right?
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| Posted 4/1/12 6:46 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
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Re: So not cool...
Honestly I agree with your original post, that in kindergarten you would think it would be all the girls or all the boys or the whole class, unless they had financial reasons.
I invited the whole class in kindergarten and then all boys since. This year was probably my ds' last big party and next year in third grade, we will only invite his friends.
I find that every year he inevitably makes a couple of new friends because he invited them to his birthday. Also, since kindergarten his friendships have changed and there are some kids he no longer plays with while new friendships develop. I would not want to confine him to his little clique at such a young age because I try to teach him to include everyone.
Luckily in my ds' class it has been the norm for parties to be inclusive up until now.
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| Posted 4/1/12 7:00 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: So not cool...
You will find that elementary school gets more political then actual politics
Oh and forget it if the kids mom is in the PTA Mafia (as I so affectionately call them )
Message edited 4/1/2012 1:31:00 PM.
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| Posted 4/1/12 1:30 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: So not cool...
I know how you feel. DD has been left out of a few parties and it upset her...and me. I felt bad for her. But I also realize that its life and they might as well learn now :(
In pre K i invited the whole class to her parties...this year she has 25 kids...I just cant do it financially......and truthfully dont want to anyway because shes not "close" or friends with some of the kids so why should we invite them? ya know?
That said...if she is invited to a childs party and I am not sure or know we are not inviting them to hers...I would still let her go if she wants to. I dont agree that she cant go just because we arent inviting that person. They chose to invite her...so if they want her there and she wants to go,,thats fine. Sometimes she will come right out and say "oh I dont want to go to that one" LOL!
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| Posted 4/1/12 5:37 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by Stacey1403
You will find that elementary school gets more political then actual politics
Oh and forget it if the kids mom is in the PTA Mafia (as I so affectionately call them )
LOL...I think you hit the nail on the head actually...REALLY! LOL
But I agree, while I am working and coming home to a newborn I feel like there is a ton of monopolizing that I get to hear at night time at different events dd attends. Its nuts! Wo has the time???
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| Posted 4/1/12 5:51 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by dawnygirl25
I know how you feel. DD has been left out of a few parties and it upset her...and me. I felt bad for her. But I also realize that its life and they might as well learn now :(
In pre K i invited the whole class to her parties...this year she has 25 kids...I just cant do it financially......and truthfully dont want to anyway because shes not "close" or friends with some of the kids so why should we invite them? ya know?
That said...if she is invited to a childs party and I am not sure or know we are not inviting them to hers...I would still let her go if she wants to. I dont agree that she cant go just because we arent inviting that person. They chose to invite her...so if they want her there and she wants to go,,thats fine. Sometimes she will come right out and say "oh I dont want to go to that one" LOL!
DD is kind of naive. She is a happy go lucky kid and probably wouldnt decline anyones party. Even after she was invited she told me " I still really like ****, shes a cute girl". AND this girl also DID invite dd on Friday but obviously later then her mom sent out these invites. I guess the girl (young mentality) thought I can just tell her to come. DD told me this after the fact.
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| Posted 4/1/12 5:54 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by rojerono
I wanted to add that I can COMPLETELY understand you being upset. Nobody wants to see their kid cry or feel left out. I mean - it's terrible for the child but I think it might even be WORSE for the parent to see their baby hurting!
But - luckily - kids are so resilient.
You are right about kids switching friends a million times at this age. If it isn't financial it is more likely about who the PARENTS are friends with and who they want their children to form bonds with. I mean - A and B go to the same salon and A kind of admires B so she wants to make sure that B's kid likes her kid.. KWIM? It's not about the kids at all and it makes me roll my eyes whenever I see it but what can you do, right?
Oh, I agree. I got the feeling this was more about who she was going to become friends with rather then who her dd was going to become friends with.
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| Posted 4/1/12 5:55 PM |
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Re: So not cool...
I think that she should have invited your DD because she went to your DD's party. I am sure that not everyone will agree that there is an obligation but I do.
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| Posted 4/1/12 7:32 PM |
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cantbelieveit
Love these kids!
Member since 10/05 4708 total posts
Name:
Tammy
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Re: So not cool...
I only plan on inviting a few kids from class this year. Possibly all the girls if I can swing it. Last year, we did all 16 from preschool class and all of my friends kids and kids I babysit for. I think I had 30 something kids and almost all came. It went well, but it was a petting zoo in my backyard, same price no matter how many kids. This year she wants a jumpy place party and there is no way I can afford to do that many kids. I would never want to hurt feelings and also plan on mailing invites to houses rather than hand out in school.
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| Posted 4/1/12 8:33 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by Kerie-is-so-very
I think that she should have invited your DD because she went to your DD's party. I am sure that not everyone will agree that there is an obligation but I do.
I have to say I agree. if nothing financial stands in the way then the reason your child would be at my childs bday is bc you believe they are friends. If they are friends, then there would be no reason why my child would not be invited to your childs party.
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| Posted 4/1/12 8:58 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
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Irrelevant
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Re: So not cool...
If we invited every child who invited mine to a birthday party AND then all his/her outside of school friends, it would cost me a small fortune.
I normally allow my children to invite 10 friends from school and then they have their 5 or so from the neighborhood. Just cannot afford to invite the entire class.
And just because someone volunteers on a lot of committees, how does that translate in to them having money for birthday parties? 
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| Posted 4/2/12 1:15 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
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Re: So not cool...
Awww poor DD
This is why I hate bday parties. Ds will be 4 in the fall and we do not plan on having a party. I would rather take each DS away for a fun trip then have a party. There are always hurt feelings , I feel bad for your DD. In my opinion, if you can't afford to invite the class (little kids 4, 5, and 6) you can't afford the party. It's not right to exclude 5 year olds. They don't understand why they are not invited to a party. An 8 or 9 year old is different, they are older and understand they are not best friends with everyone.
We do go to parties that we are invited to, but my kids birthday parties are family only (we have a huge family)
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| Posted 4/2/12 2:48 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: So not cool...
Personally, I would be more annoyed with the parents of the 2 girls who left the first party to go to the other party without thinking about the fact that some kids would be excluded. I would have chosen one party to attend and that's it.
I go to parties for DS's classmates and have not invited them to his, but we have his parties at home and don't invite anyone from the class. Not sure what we will do next year, when he is in K, but I think I would probably invite the whole class, just the boys, or no one. I would feel badly that the other kids would know they weren't invited.
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| Posted 4/2/12 2:53 PM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
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<3
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Re: So not cool...
I agree with you! DS is in kindergarten and I am told he is very well liked and has a good group of friends. However he hasn't been invited to one birthday party this year! I can't imagine why. Last year we went to one every month. bummed. 
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| Posted 4/2/12 5:18 PM |
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Kboogie
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/08 393 total posts
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Re: So not cool...
This happens a lot in my dd's class as well. I personally believe in inviting the whole class, or just the girls (or boys). I told my dd that last year as well. She just wanted to invite one boy from her class and I said it wouldn't be fair. But I also tell my dd not to mention other bday parties in class bc not all of the children may have been invited and it would upset the other kids. I feel that the teacher should make that clear to the parents too.
Honestly I hold the parents responsible for that. I mean I'm at the school everyday for lunch with them and these kids are always saying..so and so wasn't invited just you and you, and I've seen other children cry and get very upset. It's just plain mean.
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| Posted 4/5/12 7:41 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: So not cool...
Posted by dpli
Personally, I would be more annoyed with the parents of the 2 girls who left the first party to go to the other party without thinking about the fact that some kids would be excluded. I would have chosen one party to attend and that's it.
But what if your child was friends with both of the birthday kids? I would have attended both parties, but I would have advised my child not to say anything to spare feelings.
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| Posted 4/5/12 10:23 AM |
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