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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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something that was said to me today...
a friend was saying how it will be hard for me to leave DS with anyone if i wanted to go out to dinner have a date night whatever bc i will always be checking my phone etc...to which I replied "well I already left him with MIL but that was only for like 2-3 hours for a hockey game. the friend leaves the room and MIL says "speaking of that, we need to talk...He's difficult to watch. He's difficult because you hold him all the time...so he's always going to miss you. you need to put him down sometimes" so i said I thought it was too early to let him CIO bc he can't entertain himself. he can't sit up yet so it's not like he can sit in the PNP and grab whatever toy he wants. but she insisted that if I keep picking him up I would spoil him and he'd never want to go with anyone else. etc.
I feel really  about the fact that the FIRST time I leave DS with someone they tell me he's difficult.  not only that but that they feel it's MY FAULT
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Posted 10/18/11 10:04 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Re: something that was said to me today...
if tons of kisses and cuddles and hugs and holding a baby makes him or her more difficult for someone else, then so be it!!
(i have same issue here....and when people tell me he expects to be held all the time, I'm secretly happy) 
Message edited 10/18/2011 10:08:14 PM.
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:07 PM |
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cds58019
The loves of my life :)
Member since 6/08 4276 total posts
Name:
Candice
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Im sorry but I believe the same thing you do, no CIO for under 6 months, at least. He's still learning that you'll be there for him and he can rely on you. If your MIL feels that he's difficult because of this then looks like she's going to be losing out on time she could be spending with him, because I know I wouldn't ask her to babysit for a long long time after hearing that. It seems like she has the old fashioned, "dont hold them too much or you'll spoil them" attitude. I would keep doing what you're doing with him, it's what they need at his age!
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:13 PM |
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Im a firm believer that MILs should not be allowed to talk!!
But seriously, I've read numerous places that you can't spoil a young baby. Their wants and needs are the same. I hold DD a lot or use the Bjorn to get stuff done but keep her close!
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:15 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Honestly she is just being a boss IMO to make this statement. I don't believe any of it at all, I think she just wants to say she knows better than you do, and therefore do what she says.
If he is difficult, I guess she should not have the priveledge of watching him then? I think it was more to try to KNOCK you than to help you, and def not b/c he is truly difficult. Just a low jab IMO. 
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:20 PM |
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Momma2Be
Mommy of an angel
Member since 10/09 5911 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Bull$hit. I don't know how old your DS is but you mentioned he wasn't sitting up yet so that leads me to believe he's probably only a few months old?
My DS wanted to be held literally all day in the beginning. My pediatrician assured me he was too young to be "spoiled" and even encouraged it saying that it is important that DS felt secure that I would be there to meet his needs and physical contact was the best way to foster that trust/security.
As the months passed, DS started entertaining himself for longer periods of time and got big enough for me to put him in the exersaucer and jumperoo which gave me a small block of time to get things done. He's now 18 months old and while he loves being with his momma  he loves running around playing on his own too.
Don't listen to MIL, she is absolutely wrong
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:20 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: something that was said to me today...
no such thing as spoiling them that young. I guess i was 'lucky' I had no family around us then...
We held her all the time, she laid on me to sleep, next to my thigh and she co slept with us. She never just 'cried' without one of us picking her up, rocking her, touching her, feeding her cuddling or changing her. She was utterly smothered by us. No one was around to see her, judge us, or help us.
at 15w she went to daycare, no problem. At 9m we moved to TX and she stayed all day with my aunt. No issue.
We didn't do CIO at all. She's happy and well adjusted and plays with others. I don't and didn't care when she started to STTN. My child was going to be held and coddled as long as I could get away with it. When she was young I could absorb her.. even at 3 its "dont hold me, I want down" .. oh I miss the days I could selfishly hold my child "just because" .. who cares I lost hours of sleep that first year? I got a lifetime to catch up on that !
That 'dont hold the baby' is an outdated load of bull. Even my Dad said it at 2w then again when he saw her at 2yrs but the answer is.. I do what I do for MY Child. End of story. AJ isn't rude, shares and plays well with others. Holding her when she cries has nothing to do with that.
(mind you I wont just pick her up these days when she cries unless its a good reason).
JMHO
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:45 PM |
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wingsofsong
My 3 little loves <3<3<3
Member since 1/09 7395 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by Momma2Be
Bull$hit. I don't know how old your DS is but you mentioned he wasn't sitting up yet so that leads me to believe he's probably only a few months old?
My DS wanted to be held literally all day in the beginning. My pediatrician assured me he was too young to be "spoiled" and even encouraged it saying that it is important that DS felt secure that I would be there to meet his needs and physical contact was the best way to foster that trust/security.
As the months passed, DS started entertaining himself for longer periods of time and got big enough for me to put him in the exersaucer and jumperoo which gave me a small block of time to get things done. He's now 18 months old and while he loves being with his momma he loves running around playing on his own too.
Don't listen to MIL, she is absolutely wrong
Exactly this! We held our son ALL THE TIME in his first few months of life. It's so crucial at that age- babies require and thrive off of physical touch. They need to learn that they can be entirely dependent on you and feel safe and secure with you and that their needs will be met. This sense of security that you instill in them so young is what will foster their ability to "venture out" and away from you as they get older, knowing you will always be there and they can always rely on you.
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:45 PM |
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TessMike214
Gabriella Aubrey born 3/26!
Member since 5/10 2440 total posts
Name:
Tess
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Ooh MILS always have something to say!! and the worse part about it is that it always hits a nerve..the next time she goes to say something, I would just shut her down right away AND I probably wouldn't have her babysit for awhile either! 
ETA: She is probably just jealous anyway
Message edited 10/18/2011 10:50:07 PM.
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:49 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Sorry but your MIL was a b!tch to say that. My mom used to tell me the same thing, and I told her to knock it off. If my son/daughter was crying at that age I was picking them up, I didn't care why. Watching a young infant isn't supposed to be as easy as leaving them in a PNP and walking away. I'd tell her that if he's so difficult you'll find someone else to do it.
And nothing in this story is YOUR FAULT, he's a BABY who needs comforting. You're a GOOD MOM if he cries knowing that you'll pick him up to love him. Efffff her for calling him difficult. So friggin obnoxious.
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| Posted 10/18/11 10:56 PM |
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mommajay
LIF Infant
Member since 7/08 255 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Grrrr! You can't spoil a baby! You're doing just fine, Mama, and sounds like your MIL is jealous that your baby wanted YOU. Which is normal and fine.
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| Posted 10/19/11 2:34 AM |
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mamasita27
OHANA
Member since 8/07 5974 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: something that was said to me today...
you CAN'T spoil a baby by holding them!! How old is DC? They are going to cry but it will get better! Don't stop doing what you're doing
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| Posted 10/19/11 5:56 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: something that was said to me today...
I dont think you should feel bad at all!!
But, I dont think "putting him down" = CIO either. Do you let him hang out in a swing? bouncer? high chair? pack and play? Do you try to get him to look at toys?
I am saying this FOR YOU not for your MIL. Because I read on here about moms who can't go to the bathroom alone, or can't finish a cup of hot coffee. . . and I have never experienced that! DD is so independent and can hang by herself for a while before she starts looking for me. And it is in part because my mom was "mean" and told me PUT HER DOWN and I listened. Hope this doesn't get you upset - just giving you another point of view!
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| Posted 10/19/11 6:37 AM |
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cheryl28
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 4657 total posts
Name:
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by GioiaMia
I dont think you should feel bad at all!!
But, I dont think "putting him down" = CIO either. Do you let him hang out in a swing? bouncer? high chair? pack and play? Do you try to get him to look at toys?
I am saying this FOR YOU not for your MIL. Because I read on here about moms who can't go to the bathroom alone, or can't finish a cup of hot coffee. . . and I have never experienced that! DD is so independent and can hang by herself for a while before she starts looking for me. And it is in part because my mom was "mean" and told me PUT HER DOWN and I listened. Hope this doesn't get you upset - just giving you another point of view!
I agree with this 100%. I don't think you can spoil a baby as in a spoiled brat, but I do think you can make them so dependent on you, that they NEED you every second of the day. I don't know if this is your case or not. And alot of our parents are very old school and just think they know it all.
Is it possible she just doesn't want to babysit? And kudos to you for getting out and leaving the baby. It's a great feeling to get out and do something for yourself.
JMHO, this wasn't meant to upset you either. Just another side and different opinion.
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:01 AM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: something that was said to me today...
your MIL is being difficult.
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:17 AM |
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BnBdreamin
Gonna be a BIG Bro in April!
Member since 10/06 5913 total posts
Name:
Denise
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Well, I cannot quote from 10 replies but, what they said!
You have to take comments like that like water on a duck's back. Every mother, every generation, every family has their own way and thought of what could be and should be done to raise a child. Yeah, it takes a village. But Momma knows best!
My mom would tell me, there's going to be a day when they do not want to be held and you're going to miss it so hold your baby when they want or need to be held. DS was never spoiled from being held too much as a baby.
If she does not want to just coddle her new grandchild for 2-3 hours, then she's not the sitter for you. And if she's your only choice then you'll have to have some chats with her and let her know you may be a new mom but you are the mom and you're reading and researching to be the best mom you can be.
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:33 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: something that was said to me today...
He's 14.5 weeks. I do put him in his bouncer to play or to watch tv with us while we eat dinner. sometimes he plays and enjoys it...sometimes he fusses. He has never really taken to his swing though. His FP little superstars piano keeps him occupied while I shower...but not for long bc while his feet reach the keys his hands don't reach all the toys so he's "over it" after about 10 minutes. He won't sleep in the PNP either. He plays with his super yummy teether and grabs at whatever is on his links when i put him in his car seat (usually it's his infantino cow and his super yummy teether) he sleeps in his crib through the night but very rarely will he nap in it through the day (although this past week he's started waking up midway through the night)
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:40 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
He's 14.5 weeks. I do put him in his bouncer to play or to watch tv with us while we eat dinner. sometimes he plays and enjoys it...sometimes he fusses. He has never really taken to his swing though. His FP little superstars piano keeps him occupied while I shower...but not for long bc while his feet reach the keys his hands don't reach all the toys so he's "over it" after about 10 minutes. He won't sleep in the PNP either. He plays with his super yummy teether and grabs at whatever is on his links when i put him in his car seat (usually it's his infantino cow and his super yummy teether) he sleeps in his crib through the night but very rarely will he nap in it through the day (although this past week he's started waking up midway through the night)
sounds like you are doing a great job she may not be saying it to be mean, just offering (unsolicited!) advice. Take it with a grain of salt and continue doing what you feel is best.
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:51 AM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by MrsECullen7319
Im a firm believer that MILs should not be allowed to talk!!
ITA
Sounds like your MIL just wanted it to be easy. And as we all know, it's not. So from now on, just don't leave him with her.
You are NOT spoiling him.
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:54 AM |
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cheryl28
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 4657 total posts
Name:
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by MrsMeloyellow
He's 14.5 weeks. I do put him in his bouncer to play or to watch tv with us while we eat dinner. sometimes he plays and enjoys it...sometimes he fusses. He has never really taken to his swing though. His FP little superstars piano keeps him occupied while I shower...but not for long bc while his feet reach the keys his hands don't reach all the toys so he's "over it" after about 10 minutes. He won't sleep in the PNP either. He plays with his super yummy teether and grabs at whatever is on his links when i put him in his car seat (usually it's his infantino cow and his super yummy teether) he sleeps in his crib through the night but very rarely will he nap in it through the day (although this past week he's started waking up midway through the night)
It sounds like you are doing everything right, the best way you can. Don't let her get to you. I would not ask her to sit for a while (if you have others to sit) and when she asks tell you didn't want to bother her. UUUGGGHHHH people and their advice. He's just a baby, they need love and attention. His attention span will get longer and longer and he will have more fun with his toys as he gets older. Try not to let it bother you, I know it's hard.
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:56 AM |
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Domino
Always My Miracle
Member since 9/05 9923 total posts
Name:
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by MrsECullen7319
Im a firm believer that MILs should not be allowed to talk!!
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| Posted 10/19/11 7:58 AM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: something that was said to me today...
You're the Mommy so whatever you say goes. Trust your instincts and don't let anyone make you doubt what you know is best for YOUR child. Any age younger than 6 mos is too young for CIO and you cannot spoil a baby by holding them, kissing or cuddling too much. As an infant, you are his whole universe so of course he will miss you while you're not there. It's just a fact. Your MIL needs to keep her opinions to herself.
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| Posted 10/19/11 8:15 AM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: something that was said to me today...
thanks ladies! I agree with all of you. It definitely stung to hear my son described as "difficult". It's one thing for ME to say he's being difficult, perhaps to DH or something but to hear it from someone else hurts. he's really not bad at all...even when I have tough days with him I just chalked it up to him doing what babies are supposed to do. he's just a baby and so innocent and yeah he fusses sometimes and loves to be held...but most of the time when people see me out in public with him they tell me how lucky I am and what a good baby he is.
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| Posted 10/19/11 8:16 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by GioiaMia
I dont think you should feel bad at all!!
But, I dont think "putting him down" = CIO either. Do you let him hang out in a swing? bouncer? high chair? pack and play? Do you try to get him to look at toys?
I am saying this FOR YOU not for your MIL. Because I read on here about moms who can't go to the bathroom alone, or can't finish a cup of hot coffee. . . and I have never experienced that! DD is so independent and can hang by herself for a while before she starts looking for me. And it is in part because my mom was "mean" and told me PUT HER DOWN and I listened. Hope this doesn't get you upset - just giving you another point of view!
I agree with this
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| Posted 10/19/11 8:23 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: something that was said to me today...
sorry but I didn't read the above comments but how old is your son? No one will tell me not to pick up my baby when he needs me. He needs you now & I promise you as soon as he starts to crawl/cruise/take steps, he will no longer want you to pick him up. I try tp pick up my son now & he fights me to break loose & when he was a baby he wanted to be held all day even beyond 6 months (it was so much that I also started a thread about it) Continue to do what you feel in your gut.
Message edited 10/19/2011 8:27:13 AM.
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| Posted 10/19/11 8:26 AM |
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