Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

My DD will be a month old tomorrow. During the daytime she's fine, but at nighttime she can be a nightmare for DH and I. Some nights, she has no problem going to sleep, but then we have nights that as soon as she falls asleep and we put her down, she starts crying. It can take a few hours from the time that we start to put her to sleep to the actual time when she does fall asleep. I get so frustrated because I can't calm her and then she'll start scratching at my chest or my face and I feel even worse. I know she's a baby who doesn't understand, but I feel so horrible about losing my patience and I have to give her to DH for him to try and calm her. DH has been feeling the same way too. Its like we take turns. I don't know if its PPD or I just need to learn patience, but I just feel guilty. I love my daughter so much and there are times I look at her face and cry because I don't know how I can get so frustrated with her.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

The beginning is very hard especially when we are trying to figure out what they need.

Does she take a pacifier?
Do you swaddle her?

ETA: Is it possible she is gassy?

Message edited 2/8/2009 9:25:45 AM.

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

I felt like that a lot...and like you, guilty afterwards...

Feeling helpless and hopeless is never fun, but I'm sure it's normal (and if not, then consider me abnormal).

Better to take turns then to really lose it, IMO...

Eventually you will be able to attribute it to "something", but right now you are just winging it...again, normal.

Definitely could be those things PP said...
Try holding in different positions too...it always helped for me to hold DD on her stomach over my forearm and walk around A LOT...

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

First of all, let me give you a ton of
I have been there and I know that feeling all too well. It's so hard in the beginning to figure out what they want because they don't even know what they want. It's all trial and error in the beginning and any normal person would be frustrated by not being able to calm or soothe their baby. Some babies just cry more than others. Mine cried all the time. ALL the time. I could not put her down for the first three months of her life. I did suffer terribly from PPD, but I wouldn't jump straight to thinking that how you are feeling is from that. It's just frustrating being a new parent. What you need to do is build an arsenal of things you and DH can try to soothe her. I compare being a new parent to being in the trenches of war. You never know what battle each day is going to bring, but if you're prepared, you can get through anything.

Do you own a sling? I found that it really soothed my daughter, even if only for a half hour.
Have you tried sleeping her in the swing at night? My daughter slept in it for a few weeks in the beginning.
Is she gassy at all?
Do you own any books that you can read on the subject of soothing a newborn? Definitely get one if you don't.
Try running the vacuum or hair dryer, it can be soothing for babies.
Does she get a binky?
Try putting her down when she's still a little awake instead of when she's all the way asleep, this way it doesn't startle her that you're not holding her if she wakes.
Try buying a white noise machine that also has a heartbeat sound. That helps sometimes.
If I can think of anything else you can try, I'll definitely add it.
But please don't beat yourself up for the frustration. It's so normal, I promise you

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

I felt the same way too. I agree with the PP. I still am frustrated when i don't know how to comfort DS. What helped tremendously was the happiest baby on the block video!!!!! It helped us comfort him.
BUT you are a great mommy! Everyone feels like this in the beginninig.

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm trying something new with DD, I'm not letting her nap for long periods. She could nap at times 3-4 hours, but I'm waking her after 2 hrs. Today's the first day, so we shall see what tonight brings.

I've tried the swing and it only worked once. Other times, she would start screaming her head off. She has a binky. I've put her in her Fisher Price Rocker and its been helping.

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

aww.. hang in there you're not a bad mommy! keep trying new things and eventually she will find what makes her happy. my DD was up every 3 hours like clockwork until I started swaddling her, and now she sleeps from 8-6 without making a peep. I'm sure you will find what works for your baby and then you will feel much better. Hang in there!

Re: Sometimes I feel like I'm not a good mommy

You are NOT a bad mommy. We all know that frustration and guilt. Keep trying different things. She is still very young and things will work themselves out. And just because you try something one week doesn't mean it work another week. For the first month or two DS hated the swing, but then from month 3-7 it was the only place he would nap or relax.