Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

My DD is 4 years old and will turn 5 on 10/28/13. The cut off for kindergarden is 12/1/13. I am sooo torn about what to do..

I have friends who have kids in kindergarden telling me to wait a year because the curriculum now for kindergarden is real rough.

I have read articles that have said that, "redshirting" your child can do more harm than good.

I simply do not know what to do..I want what is best for my child...She can write her full name, count, abc's..she is very social..

If I do hold her back, are there any advanced preschools because I can't imagine her repeating the year and doing letters/numbers/colors again! I'm in south shore western nassau.

What is everyone doing? Anyone in the same boat as me?

Any experienced parents/teachers out there have any advice for me??

Thanks :)

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

My DS bday is October 26. We did not redshirt him. He's in 1st grade now and doing beautifully, especially with academics. I think he still has some maturing to do, but that will happen in time. I have no regrets and couldn't have imagined him going to a third year of preschool. He would have been bored senseless. Yes there was a fairly demanding curriculum, but there is still a decent amount of playtime in kindergarten. First grade is a whole different story.

Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I am in the same boat, DS will be 5 on 11/18/13 and I'm very torn but right now I'm leaning towards holding him back. He's only in his first year of preschool this year (did not send him last year) and I just think he'll get an extra boost of confidence if he's the oldest, rather than the youngest. I'm still playing it by ear the next couple of months, but I have saved a spot for him in five-day preschool next year in case.
May I ask what the articles said that were negative about redshirting?

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

My DD will turn 5 on Sept 19th. I wouldn't even consider holding her back right now, I think she will be VERY ready for Kindergarten and if I held her back she would end up being beyond bored the next year. I taught Kindergarten my last year teaching before I had her so I know what she needs going in and I feel she will be ready but you need to know your own child and make an informed decision.

Just be careful with holding them back on the assumption they won't be able to handle it because you may do more harm then good. You don't want them to feel too old the following year to the point where they are bored in class and unable to really blend with the kids who will be younger.

My personal opinion, speaking as a teacher, is to send them and see how they do. You can always have them repeat Kindergarten if need be. They may surprise you and do just fine.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

Same boat as you.

I am absolutely NO way holding her back, noway. I would rather her be looking up to kids who are older, smarter, more mature, than being the oldest most mature and maybe more educationally advanced than kids younger than her.

No doubt in my mind, she will go in the appropriate year and be in K next year. It would be a very big step back for her to be with kids younger than her after only being with kids older than her for the last 2 years (3 yo program and now Prek).

Message edited 8/9/2013 12:56:34 PM.

Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I am a December baby and was kept back. I HATED being the oldest and I was only by a month so I can't imagine being born in October and being kept back. Here are some things to think about if you do hold her back.... She will be the first to receive her license, she will end up driving all her friends to school at the beginning.. I only had to do that for a month or so before my friends started turning 17. Something as simple as planning your sweet 16 will be way before everyone else. All of my good friends had birthdays May-August so I was REALLY older, not just by a month or so. She would also be starting college at 19 instead of 18 like most kids...I am sure not everyone felt this way, but I would have liked to be younger rather then the oldest in my class.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I just posted about this last month, I'm in the same position with DS (he is Sept 25). But for me, I'm not concerned about academics, but socially he is behind all the other kids in his pre-k class. He takes his time adjusting to things and I think the transition will be a lot easier for him if has an extra year to mature. I spoke with his pre-k teacher and she suggested keeping him back and in speaking with other parents who HAVE kept their kids back, none have regretted it. The only regrets I have heard were from parents who did not hold their kids back and they ended up struggling later on. My DH was held back in 3rd grade and does not want that for DS- he hated school after that. I haven't made a final decision, we have parent-teacher conferences in March and that is when I will make my decision, but we are pretty sure we will hold him back. The one thing that makes me feel better about it is that the cut off for most of the rest of the country is 5 by the start of K. But truthfully I think each child needs their own "cut-off", not every child is ready at 5 and there are plenty that are more then ready at 4. Good luck with your deicsion, I know it's not an easy one

Oh and as for pre-k, we will be sending him back to the school he is in now, but in the "older" pre-k (the class he is in now is mostly June and later b-days). I will also put him in for full day instead of the half-day that he is in now.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

my DD's birthday is 10/27/07 - and she started kindergarten this year - true she is the smallest and the youngest in the class..... but she was so ready and is doing beautifully.

When I had spoken to the pediatrician about it previously, he had said the only reason to hold her back is if she was having some concerns or problems that were noticed at preschool.

Also, I'm not sure why I hear this all the time, but that girls have a much easier time with this than boys.

Send her ---- she'll be fine..... :)

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I've heard both viewpoints...

When I was a kid, "skipping" a grade was the "hot" thing to do. One of my closest friends was skipped and is a late birthday & she was the youngest by over a year in all things. She's super smart & successful. It only comes up when we talk about birthdays.

A pediatrician friend of mine redshirted her son recently. He is less mature & she decided to give him another year.

Probably just depends on the kid.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

One of my DC is a late fall birthday and we started DC in Kindergarten at 4 - DC is doing WONDERFULLY!!! Glad we didn't redshirt.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

Well coming from a personal perspective. I think you need to look at the individual child. I would not hold for academics. I read on here how much harder it is but I don't think it is as hard as some made it sound. I would look more to social than academics. The NYT had a great article on red shirting and how it is not good.

From a personal perspective...you do not want your child bored. I moved from NY to TN when I was 4 turning 5. I had done a 3 and 4 year preschool program before we moved and I was ready to move on. When we moved I was stuck going to preschool (actually an older transitional type program). Neither private or public down there would let me start. I was Sept 6th with a Sept 1st cutoff date. Fast foward a few years and we moved back as I was turning ten (4th grade). Well I hated being one of the oldest and they could not challenge me enough in the public school. I ended up skipping 5th grade. It was the perfect decision for me and I was always in the top end or much higher in my classes. The problem I hear with some parents who hold back is the work is no challege or very easy and they are bored. From speaking with teachers they say kids catch up by 1st or 2nd grade and honestly it is important what they do in older grades not as much in Kindergarten. So maturity would be the only thing that would keep me from holding my child if they wereclose to the cutoff.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

My DS just turned 5, November 30, 2012 and is doing wonderful in Kindergarten... Talk to the Preschool teacher and see what they recommend.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I have 2 sides to this. I was the youngest by far - my parents pushed me ahead and I was always the youngest. I was born in August, some friends were born in Jan and the whole year before. I HATED HATED HATED being the youngest. Everyone knew i was so much younger, I was always asked about it and was very embarrassed for whatever reason. I went to college at JUST 17 - I was very young. Academically I was fine but I think socially I could have used the extra time. But it all did balance out- and my best friend through high school was someone who was about 18 months older than me.

That said, DD has a late Oct bday. In NJ, the majority of cut off dates are Oct 1st, so she went to private pre-schools with kids who were much older than her, and some only a few months older. She has always been the youngest. My district has a Dec 1st cut off date. Some people abide by that, and some people don't.

Last year we sent her to kindergarten on time. She did ok, but struggled a bit. Her teacher told us it was hard to compare her to other kids since most were alot older than her. She said if we did decide to hold her, she would support our decision. So after going back and forth for months, we decided to have her repeat kindergarten. I know alot of people do not agree with it, but for US it was the best decision. She is by no means BORED at all. There are kids who are way more advanced than her in the class, who are younger, and there are kids who are the same age, and at the same level as her. The teachers also tailor assignments based on their levels as well.

We were concerned about her being bored and while the first few weeks were easy for her - learning to write letters and numbers, she definitely could have used the extra practice and by now, is doing beautifully. She is much better off socially and I feel we made the best choice for her.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

Dd turned 5 9-23 and is beautifully in kindergarten. She's reading, spelling and thriving socially. I never once considered holding her back. Her teacher for her 4 y/o programs said she was ready, and I knew she was ready.

Let him go, I'm sure he'll surprise you.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

My son is an August birthday and October 1 is the cut off where we live. I sent him to kindergarten this year (on time). Academically he is doing fine, but maturity wise he is having some difficulty. I still think we made the right decision by sending him to kindergarten this year. My DDs birthday is the day of the cutoff and I have yet to make up my mind about when to send her to kindergarten. If I sent her on time, she would start school at 4.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

If you had asked me a year ago, I wanted to hold DS back. His birthday is on 10/16, so I'm in the same position as you.

But, after sending DS to preschool this year, I think I would be doing him a complete disservice holding him back. He's going to K next year.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

My ds is same age as your DD. we are not holding him back. By leaving him in Pre-k, what is he learning? And to pay another year tuition for a program he already went through makes no sense. He is going to K on time. If he teacher wants to keep him back in kindy, we would rather do that. I don't want him to think I don't have faith in him. All his friends are going to K, I would never keep him back if I didn't have to.

Do research, red shirted kids don't do as well in the long run. I went through a lot of research along with my PED.

I was THE youngest in my class k-12, did not phase me at all

Message edited 1/2/2013 12:16:04 PM.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I wouldn't hesitate to start my child when they are supposed to start. The thought of holding them back because they are 4, but yet still meet the cutoff, wouldn't have even occurred to me. I started school at 4 (Nov. bday), and didn't have a single issue, socially or academically.

Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I think every child is different. Look at your childs maturity and ability/stamina. Yes more and more parents are keeping kids back a year but as a school social worker you have to look at YOUR child. Are they doing good in preschool? You say she is social and academically on target (letters/numbers). For some, waiting a year is the way to go, trust me, but for others they very well could be ready for the riggors of K. Good luck. I'm sure you will make a good choice for your daughter. Trust yourself:)

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

My middle DS has a birthday in mid-November and I plan on sending him to school on schedule (not redshirting).
Somebody has to be the youngest in the class, KWIM?

Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

It sounds like your DD is absolutely ready for K. My DD has a mid-Nov birthday and is doing great in K. No issues whatsoever thank God. According to your post where you said your DD writes her name, is socially mature and knows her ABCs etc., I think she will do great. Of course the only one who can make that call is you as her Mom but IMO she sounds ready.

Honestly the only way I would ever consider redshirting my child is if I felt they were not ready socially. Academically kids pick up so much in such a short time it's amazing. While your DD may not start out knowing the most she will catch up eventually. It's amazing to me how much DD has learned from Sept-now.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

I have a DS who was born on Nov 23rd. When the time comes for him to go to kindergarten, I can tell you that I will base my decision his individual strengths and weaknesses. I also have a 2.5 year old DD and can tell you that she is ready for kindergarten NOW! LOL and would be bored to death if she had to wait an extra year just because she was born late in the year. Not to say that DS will be ready, but I will have to wait and see. I am a school administrator and get this question all the time from parents and my answer is always the same. You must base it on each individual child. You will know the right thing to do

Message edited 1/2/2013 3:41:52 PM.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

DD is the youngest in her class. Down here the cutoff is Aug 31st.

I never considered holding her back. If she had issues socially or academically I would have considered it, but she performed well in Preshool.

She is doing fine, she is a whiz at math but has a lot of work to do with reading and spelling. But, I think kindergarten is the time to figure that out (and so does her Kindergarten teacher).

I think holding back should only be done if a kid is substantially behind others. My DS is 3 and has a late birthday with means he will be one of the oldest in his class. He has several delays and I think he can definitely make good use of the extra time. If he didn't already have a late birthday I would most likely end up holding him back.

DD2 is only a year old, she also has a late birthday. It's too soon to say if I think she will benefit from being one of the oldest in her class or not. However, if she seems super smart by the time we near kindergarten, I would even have her tested to go in early.

I can tell a few of the kids in DDs class were held back a year. The kids are giants One is doing really well (but they might have anyway, they just seem really bright).

Is there a stigma attached to repeating kindergarten like there is other grades? I think being left back in 3rd grade is very different than repeating kindergarten (no one would know, everyone is new). I just don't see the down side of giving it a shot if you are on the fence.

Re: Soo torn about what to do re: redshirting/kindergarden?

Thank you al so very much, I really appreciate all the honest answers both ways.

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to send her to kindergarden in September!

Reading all your responses honestly helped me with this decision :) Thanks.