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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
so my ex husband wrote me a letter... Apparently he hit rock bottom in Nov.... was taken to hospital, nearly killed himself and now he is in recovery.. He is now getting help and had been sober 50 + days. We seperated in Nov of 04 and was offically annulled in April of 05 so its been TWO YEARS plus.... I knew this day would eventually happen...
I guess he is asking for forgiveness because he wrote me this long letter telling me how sorry he was for everything that happened and what he did to me.....
He is now living with his sister and husband and new baby while he is recovering... umm they live 4 HOUSES from me...i thought i saw him a few times.. but he said they are moving jan 1st.... thank god!!!
I did call him and left a message wishing him the best and hoping he stays on track for real this time......
I honestly dont know how i feel about this... i would NEVER want to get back - that is not even a question.. I do feel sorry for him that he was so sick and it took him so long to get help... but part oe me resents him for being so mean and all the things he did to me/us because of his drinking and drugs...even after we split up he would bash me in his drunken state.. its a small town word gets out...
i swear it never ends....
Message edited 12/27/2006 4:25:01 PM.
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Posted 12/27/06 3:20 PM  |
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
I think what you're feeling is normal- this is a person you once loved very much and thought you'd spend your life with, and of course hearing from him is going to dredge up lots of different feelings. Hopefully this will really be the end because you have certainly endured enough. 
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:24 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
WOW! I remember your story (I was a lurker back then!). That is crazy but in a way it must make you feel so good that he is finally owning up to his mistakes/behavior.
That is a little nuts that he lives 4 doors down from you though.
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:25 PM |
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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 10/30/2009 4:25:13 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:26 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
I think what you feel is normal. After all you've been through with him and because of him, who WOULDN'T resent him? I remember your posts about him at the time...he put you through a lot!
At least you know you can always hold your head high. You did the right thing for yourself by leaving him, and you probably did the right thing for him too. I doubt he would have hit rock bottom with you by his side, and an addict can't recover (IMO) without hitting rock bottom.
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:27 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
It's ok to have compassion .My XH still has a very bad drinking/drug problem and I just  for him. He chose to not stay in recovery over me and his kids and that's what he gets to live with. I know you will stay strong and be good to yourself. I too still get periods of resentment.We are after all human. Hang in there.
Message edited 12/27/2006 3:29:07 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:27 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
You have every right to feel the way you do. For what he put you through, I commend you for even calling him to wish him the best. I can only hope he realizes he messed up the one good thing in his life. You deserve a lot better than that and its comforting to know that YOU know that.
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:27 PM |
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Kate07
Feel better my little guy!
Member since 5/05 4476 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
You are an incredible person to call and wish him the best after all he put you through. You have every right to have the feelings you do. What is that saying, it is easier to forgive than forget. There will always be wounds there.
I hope he gets all the help he needs and makes a full recovery (although in Long Beach, that has to be tough) and can have a good life.
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:39 PM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
FM
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:41 PM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
I dont know your story with him but I get the gist. It takes more than 50 days for someone to truly realize the impact of their behavior. Im sure since hes sobered up and not using, he is feeling quite remorseful and is probably sorry. But for his sobriety's sake, he should probably refrain from making calls and trying to get forgiveness. 50 days is not that long and many many things can trigger a relapse including old relationships (even if he was the problem in the relationship) I'm sure there are tons of feelings on both your parts and I do hope it sticks for him but if I were you (I suppose I should reread your post to see if you were you asking for advice?  ) I would steer clear of any contact for both your sake.
Good luck to him though, its a very long road but people do get sober and lead better lives.
 Im sure this is not easy for you either.
Message edited 12/27/2006 3:45:04 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:43 PM |
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Phoebee
LIF Adult
Member since 11/06 1623 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
I'm going through the same thing! My divorce is just about final from my XH who left me a year ago for his girlfriend. He's also a heavy HEAVY drinker and has an addictive personality. He should be checking himself into AA, but never will.
My life has changed so much in the past year that I seriously just feel sorry for him. I feel sorry that he can't realize that life isn't that bad and you don't need to be dependant on a substance... Through his drinking and manipulative ways, use to make ME feel inept as a person. (You know if you hear something over and over again, you actually start to believe it.) Well, he can't do that to me anymore and I would never allow him to. My Birthday is in Dec. and he wrote me saying he tried to send an e-mail birthday wish... why would he do that? he didn't care about my birthday when we were married???? I didn't respond, simply said, "take care". I want nothing to do with him, even if he does get help. I too, resent everything he did to me and I don't think that will ever fade. I just don't think about it everyday.
You are a much stronger person now, and much better without that poisonous (spelling?) relationship in your life!
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| Posted 12/27/06 3:45 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Posted by Elizabeth
I dont know your story with him but I get the gist. It takes more than 50 days for someone to truly realize the impact of their behavior. Im sure since hes sobered up and not using, he is feeling quite remorseful and is probably sorry. But for his sobriety's sake, he should probably refrain from making calls and trying to get forgiveness. 50 days is not that long and many many things can trigger a relapse including old relationships (even if he was the problem in the relationship) I'm sure there are tons of feelings on both your parts and I do hope it sticks for him but if I were you (I suppose I should reread your post to see if you were you asking for advice? ) I would steer clear of any contact for both your sake.
Good luck to him though, its a very long road but people do get sober and lead better lives.
Im sure this is not easy for you either.
believe me i know 50 days is not long at all but it must be an eternity for him. i have no interest in having contact with him but felt the need to leave a message acknowledging his letter and wishing him a full recovery. Thanks for the advice though..
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| Posted 12/27/06 4:27 PM |
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NewlyMrs
Laugh-Live-Love LIFE!
Member since 10/06 14432 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Posted by Phoebee
You are a much stronger person now, and much better without that poisonous (spelling?) relationship in your life!
I could not agree more!
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| Posted 12/27/06 4:30 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
if he is in AA or NA, part of the process is to ask forgiveness/make amneds. seems like he is doing that here, not asking for you back, just letting you know that he is sorry for what he did. i think you handled it the best way you could.
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| Posted 12/27/06 4:46 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Honestly....I think it's good he realizes how he ruined the marriage and that he's sorry (if it's genuine) for his mistakes.
Certainly like you said you don't want to get back...so if this is his way of angling to get back, let him know that although you appreciate his apologies, you've moved on.
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| Posted 12/27/06 4:50 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Posted by Phoebee
I'm going through the same thing! My divorce is just about final from my XH who left me a year ago for his girlfriend. He's also a heavy HEAVY drinker and has an addictive personality. He should be checking himself into AA, but never will.
My life has changed so much in the past year that I seriously just feel sorry for him. I feel sorry that he can't realize that life isn't that bad and you don't need to be dependant on a substance... Through his drinking and manipulative ways, use to make ME feel inept as a person. (You know if you hear something over and over again, you actually start to believe it.) Well, he can't do that to me anymore and I would never allow him to. My Birthday is in Dec. and he wrote me saying he tried to send an e-mail birthday wish... why would he do that? he didn't care about my birthday when we were married???? I didn't respond, simply said, "take care". I want nothing to do with him, even if he does get help. I too, resent everything he did to me and I don't think that will ever fade. I just don't think about it everyday.
You are a much stronger person now, and much better without that poisonous (spelling?) relationship in your life!
you are absolutely right... i went through the exct same thing you did. And I am in a much better place and am stronger now.... But I do realize he is sick and that this is a disease... And I only hope he sticks with his recovery and makes peace with himself....... I dont think about it at all just recently because of the letter. the resentment will never go away... I want nothing to do with him even though he is getting help but do feel sorry for him....
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| Posted 12/27/06 5:03 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
No an ex DH but my dad. He is sober now and it is really hard to forgive and forget. I try but part of me will always think about all that was lost because of his drinking. I totally understand how you feel.
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| Posted 12/27/06 5:04 PM |
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FeliciaDP
♥
Member since 5/05 18599 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Oh Kristi I'm sure getting that letter was so hard to read.. you went through so much with your ex and it took you so long to move past all the hurt he caused you.. so I'm sure that it just brought up a lot of old feelings for you to hear all about what has been going on with him 
since you are a warm, caring and wonderful person, I'm sure that hearing about your ex hitting 'rock bottom' and hopefully being on his way to recovery finally is tough. And it stands to reason that even though you want nothing more to do with him on a personal level, you 'care' to the point of hoping he truly IS on the right road and will do well in his life.. but at the same time, cannot quite 'wish him well' without feeling that same hurt you felt at the way he treated you during his addiction 
to you , because I know that just hearing about any of this had to be so hard!
And  to him living so closeby  Hoping he moves soon!
Message edited 12/27/2006 5:58:19 PM.
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| Posted 12/27/06 5:57 PM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
No advice, but just wanted to send some hugs for having to deal with it
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| Posted 12/27/06 5:59 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
My cousin went through a similar situation. I think it was very nice of you to reach out to him.
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| Posted 12/27/06 6:25 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Posted by FeliciaDP
Oh Kristi I'm sure getting that letter was so hard to read.. you went through so much with your ex and it took you so long to move past all the hurt he caused you.. so I'm sure that it just brought up a lot of old feelings for you to hear all about what has been going on with him
since you are a warm, caring and wonderful person, I'm sure that hearing about your ex hitting 'rock bottom' and hopefully being on his way to recovery finally is tough. And it stands to reason that even though you want nothing more to do with him on a personal level, you 'care' to the point of hoping he truly IS on the right road and will do well in his life.. but at the same time, cannot quite 'wish him well' without feeling that same hurt you felt at the way he treated you during his addiction
to you , because I know that just hearing about any of this had to be so hard!
And to him living so closeby Hoping he moves soon!
thanks flee. you hit the nail on the head.. that is EXACTLY how I feel...
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| Posted 12/27/06 6:36 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Oh Kristi just what you need....at least he is finally getting the help he so desperately needs and you know how much of a better place you are in now
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| Posted 12/27/06 6:40 PM |
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Wow that must have been a suprise. and strength to you for having to deal with this.
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| Posted 12/27/06 7:20 PM |
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skygirl
Our prayers were answered:)
Member since 6/05 4919 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
I remember your story and all you had to deal with. You have come a long way
It sounds like apologizing to you is what he needs to do to help grow and heal himself. Nice to know that he realizes he was wrong-
Hugs for you for having to revisit this
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| Posted 12/27/06 7:46 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: speaking of exes- those of you who know me& my ex husband story....
Posted by BNL2005
if he is in AA or NA, part of the process is to ask forgiveness/make amneds. seems like he is doing that here, not asking for you back, just letting you know that he is sorry for what he did. i think you handled it the best way you could.
I agree, AA is a 12 step program and you are suppose to work through 1 step at a time. #8 and #9 are:
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I think you did the right thing, and hopefully you both can gain some closure from it. I know how hard it must have been for you.
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| Posted 12/27/06 7:52 PM |
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