Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

After reading this post yesterday and all the responses I started doing some research on friendships, looking at statistics etc. I wanted and want to understand how and why some people have many friends and other none to few. I myself have many very close friends and I wonder if its just because of my age,living and working in the city, going away to college etc... I started to wonder will I soon start to lose friends ?? I guess my question is ... IS everyone just so busy with day to day that friends have become a non issue and you are lucky to just have a few?? or is it that no one can really get along anymore?(obv those are not the only 2 answers) Love to hear everyones opinions..

Message edited 10/24/2007 10:21:35 AM.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

for me its just that people change. people grow up and different aspects of life adjust. i used to have a close group of friends from work and now we just dont keep in touch cause we dont work together anymore. i had a close group of friends in high school that just slowly lost touch after graduation. now that im married i tend to hang out with other married women or other girls that are in the same "stage" in life that i am.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

i was bouncing around the south for 5 years after HS -- and had to be on "my own" for awhile. i think because of that, friendships became something VERY important to me. when you are 800 miles away from a single relative, you latch onto others like you.

i have 2 or 3 friends from that time in my life that i still talk to and always will. (they even attended my wedding!) as for my friends here in NY (i've been back in NY for like 6 years)....i think i have a nice tight knit group of close friends....about 10 or so...and the rest are acquaintances

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

I agree. As I got older I realized who my true friends are. I have numerous friends, but some of them I wouldn't tell anything to.

To give you an example, I have this friend I used to consider a close friend, but we have drifted big time and now we have like nothing in common.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

I just think - for me anyway - that people change - interests change - situations change -

I had a child before most of my friends -and with that comes more responsibilty - while my friends could still go out and do this and that on spur of the moments - I could not.

I just think lifestlyes change - its sad - cuz the people I was once so close with I rarely speak with anymore.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

i think for me a lot of it has to do with a changed opinion of close friend. when i read that i think you are askign who are my "true friends" -- i would say that i have DH, my bestest girlfriend (that I met in college), and a guy friend that I feel I could trust with anything

I have a lot of other "good friends" -- friends I've known since HS, college friends, and people I've known sicne. some of them i hang out with ALL the time. Some of them I would tell a lot of stuff and could count on them for a lot of stuff... but the three above are the ones I known will no matter how any of us change, whether we are going through different stuff/stages of life or not, in different places geographically, we will always be friends.

I went through a break up in 2001. It was a guy I dated for five plus years that I had met in college. It was awful and some of my friends handled it really badly. I really realized going through that who my true friends were and it also made me revise my definition of the term.

This is super long ... but basically my point is that if you had asked me before 2001 I probably would have answered a lot higher, but that experience made me look at friendships differently. I think people are answering differently bc they have different opinions on what true friend or close friend means... not necessarily bc they have less friends overall. Hope that makes sense!

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

For me, I have always been friends with 2 of my close friends since we were in elementary school. These girls I would trust my life with & no matter what happens in life, we are always friends! Our lives get hectic & we may go weeks on end without speaking, but you know that it is not bc someone is mad but bc we are all busy.

My other 2 close friends I met back in 2004 while planning my wedding & now they are very close to me. We rarely see each other but we chat via email almost daily.

I pick to have a small group of friends bc I have a hard enough time with spare time to see the ones I care about the most. Plus I have learned that there are only a select few you can truly trust with your life! People change over time & you drift apart, there is nothing wrong with it.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

for me, it's not that i don't get along with people. it's just that life changes, leads you new places.
i had friends in hs that i lost touch with after graduation...
i never went away to college so i didn't form a bond of friends like that.
changing jobs, losing touch with people you once work with.
now i work with mostly guys, so i'm not going to form new bonds there.
girls that i was close with from different jobs, moved to other states - life just doesn't allow us to keep in touch or see each other enough to consider them "close friends".
a couple of other girls i was close with, i still keep in touch with and feel like i could tell anything to, but they don't return phone calls, cancel plans etc so i've kind of just let it go.
i'm someone who posted that i really only have one true close girlfriend. i don't wish for a big group because as i've grown up, i have seen what true friendship is all about and life with a house and a husband etc is hectic, i want to be the best friend i can be to those i am close with. sometimes i wish for one or 2 more close friendships though. working with all guys, you tend to miss that female interaction.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

I thank everyone for thier responses.. keep them coming

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

unfortunately for me the friends I have made have been through work but once you leave that place, it seems the friendships brake off too.

I actually don't have any physical friends besides my two best friends in Colombia, otherwise I consider some of the people that I have met here my friends, but it's hard to gtg with them because of the distance, schedules, etc.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

I'm one of those people who have no close friends. Growing up I never had a lot of friends, yet alone any close ones, and now I'm use to it. I honestly believed I never learned how to make friends. When I try, I tend to find people to be unreliable and realized I could always rely on my self. Do I wish I had close friends, sure I do, but I'm also not sad that I don't. If you never had a close friend, you don't know what you're missing.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

DH has a big group ( about 20 of us now) of close friends.. mostly friends from his HS, and now their wives, girlfriends, boyfriends,etc. we are close and hang out at least once a week. some weeks we'll go to starbucks every night after work and hang out/unwind after the day. in our case, its that i think a lot of the people in teh group ( including DH) are only children, or children from second marriages with much older siblings.. so they are like each other's siblings. which really makes a strong bond. none of us have kids yet either, which gives all of us more time, money, flexibility to do things together.. although i think we'll stay close even after kids, just instead of going to bars, we'll all go to the zoo
i think some people just get lucky and find a bond with people that works and "sticks"...

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

as i got older i realized what i wanted in a friend.

friends get boyfriends/ get married and it is hard to stay close with them if their boyfriend and your boyfriend dont really like each other.

you get older and you may not have as many things in common with them, and that could affect a friendship.

or, life just gets in the way..

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

I too have a lot of friends and sometimes Iw onder if I have too many to contribute to all of them.

But I notice that I have a set of good friends that have been friends with me for a very long time and then I seem to have a revolving circle of friends from different phases in my life, jobs, etc ....And I get close to them probably b/c Im not a very guarded person, I open up easily and tend to share a lot and I guess people do in return and we become closer then others who might remian just so so friends Kwim.

I consider myself lucky.

Re: Spinoff : HOw many close friends?

I have lots of friends and I think it is mainly due to the fact that I get along pretty easily with most people, I really listen to people, and I like to help my friends when they need it.

That said, I probably only consider about 5 friends to be very close ones. They are the ones who have stuck by me during difficult times and have never let me down when I have needed a favor or someone to talk to. I can have a good time with lots of other people, but after experiencing certain things in my life, I realize there are only a few I can really count on.