Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

Do you ever feel pressure from other parents on your parenting style, especially if they are more lax than you? I have only encountered it a handful of times if that, but I feel like I get the peer pressure and have given in (it was little things just not something I would normally agree to) and it was a while ago.
Does that occur more often as the children get older. Right now my kids are 2, 6 & 7. I also notice I gravitate towards people who do parent like me.

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

Like I just wrote in my other post...it is SO MUCH HARDER when they get older.

You see every one of your child's friends doing things that you KNOW you yourself would never allow.

But by not allowing it, you subject your child to being an outcast.

I'm not talking about letting them do drugs, drink and watch porn...

I'm talking about things that come as they age...staying out late; playing some inappropriate video games; etc.

Parenting gets so much harder as they get older. It gets downright scary.

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

I agree it gets harder. While it gets easier in some ways, you get to sleep, they can take care of themselves. It is then that they need and want more money, more of your time running them around.
Communication is the key and it just can not stop. There should never be just ONE talk about ANYTHING.
Parenting is hard and while I miss just carrying them alone with me to go someplace, I am enjoying the more freedom I am my dh are getting by them being more independent.

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

My son is only 5. I gravitate to people who are as concerned for safety as I am. In other areas I may be lax, but not when it comes to safety. I stopped getting together with people who didn't supervise their kids when they were 3 and 4.

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

No one has ever pressured me to given into their view of parenting but I did alter my views when I realized that I was being more overprotective than necessary. It helps me with that babysteps I needed to take.

For example, I didn't drop my 6 year old off for a playdate. For me, it took realizing that the mom didn't expect me to stay. My son didn't walk to the park with my permission. It was another mom sending her son & mine with their older brother...and they were fine. It was another mom letting her kid ride to the corner store with mine...and they were ok.

It is extremely hard to let go. So many times I've second guessed whether they'd be safe. Now I take a sigh & think "Be a normal parent" when these things happen. I can't let my paranoia make my kids paranoid.

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

All the time. I am definitely more nervous/conservative/concerned with teaching the right way to behave than many of the parents of their peers. It's very hard to stick to my guns and from time to time am forced out of my comfort zone.

For example, at a recent away sports tournament we were staying in a large motel and all the other parents were allowing their children to roam all around the property unattended, to the point of not knowing where they were for long stretches of time. These were 10-year-olds and their younger siblings, little kids. For the most part I wouldn't let my boys go with the others unless I knew where they were, and I felt bad that they were left out. I did let them go at one point in the evening and was so anxious...while other parents were having a grand old time, drinking and socializing. I sometimes wish I could not care!!!

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

It's harder with the oldest...they are breaking in for you. My oldest is friend's with the youngest of 4 (2 who are 10+ years older), so his parents re much more relaxed.

I notice that #2 is doing things we never let #1 do at the same age.

Re: Spinoff to Joenick's post about parenting...

My stepdaughters are now 16 and 22.... DH is very strict and their mom is the opposite. THAT is hard.

When DH can, he gets his XW to be on board about the girls - especially the youngest. The youngest had a LOT of horrible problems last year which required the mom to finally be on board, so now they are putting their foot down more and saying no to things that other kids may be doing, but she cannot.

As a result though, she is slowly coming around and not asking to do some of the things the other kids are doing - maybe she knows it is for the best (she was hospitalized a few times this past year) and as a result, is making better friend choices.

It is hard, but really, if it is fair, rational, and discussed with your kids, they usually understand. They may not like it, but they understand. Sometimes, it is easier to say yes when you see their part of the decision process, and taking ownership (example - asking to stay out late, but they explain what time they will touch base, where they will be, etc)