Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

DH and I are both so tired. DD is a pretty fussy, squirmy baby. I gave DH a hug earlier and he just seemed so disconnected and unhappy. I feel the same way. This baby is taking a toll on us. The baby is only 16 days old but I just feel depressed and I'm hoping that I can find the joy in this whole mothering thing soon! Right now it just seems like such a thankless job and DH and I are both not enjoying it so much.

(it took a lot of guts for me to write that, so please no flames)...

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

It took me a long time to enjoy it. I don't think it happened for at least 2 months or even longer. He was such a good baby and it was still soo hard.

I was also very depressed from BF. It took a toll on me.

Message edited 7/7/2007 7:50:44 PM.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Its totally normal. You end up feeling like you have no time for each other. It gets better. As the baby gets older nad needs you less things are easier.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

It gets better, and sooner than you think.

DH & I were at our wits end the first two weeks we were home with DS. Now it has become easier for us to adjust to the interrupted sleep pattern and the crying, etc.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

It does get better! I promise! I'm not that far ahead of you and it's so much better for us than it was in the beginning.
It was like we were walking zombies for a while - our only reason to do anything was for the baby - we didn't talk, we didn't connect - it was really tough.
But recently...I can't even say exactly when....we've been connecting even better than we were before the baby. We've gotten into the swing of things and we now have a new routine set up - one that includes both of us as well as the baby....it's a really nice feeling.
One thing that helped a lot was asking fr help from family - do you have anyone that can watch the baby while you two go out and do something alone?

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

No flames.

Around day 16 I was a miserable wreck of a human being.

Motherhood is the single hardest thing I've ever done.

I didn't believe anyone when they told me then, but it DOES get better.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

First off here are some . Second, no one will ever flame you on this board, they are so supportive.

I know how you feel. I had a case of PPD. It wasnt that major, but the beginning took its toll on me too. The sleep deprivation totally stinks. I posted the same thing as you did. I felt like i should be enjoying my DD more, but it wasnt there. Now, I love her to death. Its still hard to raise her because she was very fussy. She is 5 months and still like that. Once your DC gets older you will enjoy it more. When you see that first smile you will get excited and then realize how great it is to have this little person. My DD, like i said, is still fussy and cranky a lot, but I kind of accepted the fact that this is her personality and it has been easier since i accepted it. Oh, and when your DC starts sleeping through the night, you will feel so much better. Its coming. My DD didnt sleep the greatest and now she sleeps from 730-530 - straight through. Just give it time it will get better.

Message edited 7/7/2007 8:40:21 PM.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Its sooo normal. It comes and it goes but I feel like that often. I swear I call everyone a liar who says they loved the newborn period. Its just not possible....

It will get better , it must or no one would have kids is what I tell myself.....

Hang in there and remember you are not alone in feeling this way......

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

It's a very hard, very tiring job and I'll be honest, my husband is beginning to realize just how hard it is. He never believed me and always criticized me when I didn't work and the house was still a mess or I didn't have time to cook.

Find time for yourself and yourselves. I've found that when I'm at my wits end, getting away, even to the grocery store, is amazingly comforting. My husband sees the look in my eyes and will push me out the door!

And of course, if you need to, cry...let it out. Find someone you can talk to who will listen and comfort you when you need it. Take a shower...it drowns out the crying and relaxes you.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

it takes a while i am going threw it now, it is so much work and no response, but they don't know how!! now at 9 weeks it is getting better and she smiles and stuff so itis getting fun!!!! take time it does get better

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Totally normal. In the beginning, you give and give and give and it feels like you get so little in return. Then they start smiling, then they start laughing, they start interacting with you. You start to see their personality -- you start to have fun with them. I feel like around 5 to 6 months the "reward period" really kicks in, when you see all that hard work start to pay-off and you really start to have fun with them. It gets so much better.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Parenthood is such an adjustment (especially for mothers IMO). DD just turned 1 year and I am just now starting to relax and really enjoy her. We had a rough year (she had 2 surgeries, reflux, formula intolerance, disinterest in eating). My relationship with DH is getting better too. Hang in there and remember that it is not always as easy as you may expect but is well worth it.

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Totalloy normal. My DD is very colic (allergic to every formula). It way very hard to have all this loving feeling for her when she was hysterical all day long. She is almost 3 months old and getting alot better. I have much loving feeling for her now. Its so hard when they are colic - all the mixed feeling you have - but totally normal

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Our DD is 8 weeks & it is soooo much better now then the first few weeks!!! In the beginning we were just like you guys. We would just stare blankly at each other saying what did we get ourselves into But now we have a pretty good routine & its actually kinda fun. Hang in there it will get better & soon you will even be able to sleep a little more

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

It does get better and I think to some degree, everyone feels this way at one time or another.

I think it is just that no matter how much you prepare or think you are READY, you just aren't. It is so shocking to have someone that is dependant on you (and DH to some degree) and it is just too much to handle sometimes.

It does get better, little bits at a time, you will start having good days and nights where you get sleep so that the bad ones don't seem so bad anymore

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

It gets better! Someone told me to wait until week 8, and things got so much better around that time. At the beginning you are getting used to your baby and it takes time. It's completely normal what you are feeling

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Thank you all so much. You have made me feel so much better

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

totally normal.
in the beginning I felt like a shell of myself- it took a while for me to get back to normal and for DH and I to adjust with this third being in our relationship..

yes- it WILL get better....

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Posted by dm24angel

Its sooo normal. It comes and it goes but I feel like that often. I swear I call everyone a liar who says they loved the newborn period. Its just not possible....

It will get better , it must or no one would have kids is what I tell myself.....

Hang in there and remember you are not alone in feeling this way......

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

What your feeling is totally normal...After the first week, I called every single one of my girl cousins and yelled at them for not giving me a heads up!! Oh how I DREADED night time!!!!!!! I would get this pit feeling in my stomach once 5pm rolled around... Dh and I would constantly tell each other that we are doing a great job~ Knowing we were a team and that WE are responsible for this innocent baby kept us connected.

What your feeling goes away. Everytime you start to feel down..remember that it will pass and it gets SO much better!

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

My DH and I can empathize with you. Some days for us are better than others but slowly it is getting better (or at least that is what we tell ourselves). For us, I don't think it will be noticably better until DS is on a schedule and sleeping more through the night versus the up every 2 - 2 1/2 hrs he is on right now. Hang in there!

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

DH and I felt a disconnect in the beginning as well. I remember one day saying "I just want things to go back to normal so we can stop arguing"

It DOES get better

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

awww, hang in there You;ll be fine and we provide you with all the support you need. It is so imprtna to remember that you are still a wife and not just a Mommy and same goes for your husband, sounds liek you need a quick dinner out alone I can babysit

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

It's called sleep deprivation, and now you can see why they used it on POW's to get them to spill re top secrets.

Bottom line is the first month sucks no matter how you look at it. Try if you can to take shifts though with the baby for when you are up with her so you both aren't always up at the same time and therefore not so sleep deprived.

Also, try as hard as you can to look at it only day to day, ie just get through today. Don't try to think too far ahead or you're bury yourself with anguish over having to deal with x amount more days of it.

Not only does it get better, but after a while you probably will even start thinking about when it's time for another

Re: Tell me this is a normal feeling or at least that it gets better....

Totally normal. I'm with the other poster...why didn't other moms tell us beforehand?

It is short-lived though and things will get better soon.

I remember resenting DH when he got home from work and having a couple meltdowns. He didn't understand at first. Unless they are home all day with no help, they just don't know. He did tell me what I needed to hear.... You're doing great, you're a great mom, things will get easier, we're a team, tell me what I can do... etc


You're doing great! This difficult time will be such a small blip in the grand scheme.
to get you through it!