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Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I am spending the day tomorrow with my family (everyone knows) and my parent's best friends family. We grew up as cousins with their kids.
We are going to the daughter of my parents best friends house as her and her husband recently purchased the home and she wants to show it off. She has gone through IVF (unsuccessful) and has decided to wait for a while to try again. Is it appropriate for me to tell them I'm pregnant? I'm 8 weeks and would love to tell them, but don't want it to be upsetting for the family, especially my "cousin".
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Posted 10/20/12 11:34 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
popabubble
I need a clone
Member since 12/09 1143 total posts
Name:
Dianne
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Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I personally wouldn't tell them tomorrow. I would let it be "her" day. Having gone through infertility myself, there are not many things you're able to celebrate along the way. So I would let her have the complete spotlight and then maybe tell them some other time when you all get together.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
Message edited 10/20/2012 11:50:58 AM.
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| Posted 10/20/12 11:50 AM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Posted by popabubble
I personally wouldn't tell them tomorrow. I would let it be "her" day. Having gone through infertility myself, there are not many things you're able to celebrate along the way. So I would let her have the complete spotlight and then maybe tell them some other time when you all get together.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
ITA with all of this. Also, you're so early that you could always say or imply "We were waiting until after 12 weeks to tell". As far as how to tell, I don't have a good answer for that. I imagine it's not going to be the easiest thing. I had a similar situation and had a really hard time with telling. Good luck and congrats!
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| Posted 10/20/12 12:04 PM |
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babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I would tell her at another time.
One of my cousins is dealing with infertility and it killed me to have to tell her I was pregnant with DS and now this time around I was like how do I tell her I'm having #2 when she's still trying for #1 but I just told her one day. She was so happy for me. I'm sure it was sad for her but what can you do, I made sure to tell her that I am always here for her no matter what she needs.
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| Posted 10/20/12 12:32 PM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Hard to tell because everyone is different, I personally feel worse when people don't tell me when they normally would, esp if a bunch of other people know.
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| Posted 10/20/12 12:50 PM |
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NurseMommy09
LIF Infant
Member since 6/12 167 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Posted by popabubble
I personally wouldn't tell them tomorrow. I would let it be "her" day. Having gone through infertility myself, there are not many things you're able to celebrate along the way. So I would let her have the complete spotlight and then maybe tell them some other time when you all get together.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
ITA, just in case she wouldn't take it well, and that wouldn't be good for you either.
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| Posted 10/20/12 1:31 PM |
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LIRascal
drama. daily.
Member since 3/11 7287 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I went through IF. It would ruin my day knowing the visitor was pregnant. I'd tell her soon but not that day, ESP if she was hosting. My opinion only.
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| Posted 10/20/12 7:43 PM |
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
ITA... tomorrow is not the day...
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| Posted 10/20/12 7:46 PM |
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Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Thanks girls! I guess I'll hold off. My niece's bday is next week so maybe I'll tell them then. I just feel bad not telling them when everyone around them knows, like someone else mentioned above.
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| Posted 10/20/12 11:37 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Posted by LIRascal
I went through IF. It would ruin my day knowing the visitor was pregnant. I'd tell her soon but not that day, ESP if she was hosting. My opinion only.
ita
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| Posted 10/21/12 12:09 AM |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
Name:
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Posted by ourhappysurprise2012
Thanks girls! I guess I'll hold off. My niece's bday is next week so maybe I'll tell them then. I just feel bad not telling them when everyone around them knows, like someone else mentioned above.
It may be better to tell her over the phone so she's not caught off guard in front of a big group of people. Also I've been at parties where the good news was whispered to every person but me and it was even more horrible than being told straight out. You never know how she's going to react and where she is in feeling sad for herself but you are very sweet and thoughtful for considering her feelings.
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| Posted 10/21/12 4:18 AM |
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FlowerWife
Positive Vibrations...
Member since 1/08 8423 total posts
Name:
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Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
well i think it depends. if everyone already knows except her, i think you HAVE to tell her cause she will find out and then it might be awkward that you didn't tell her (if you are close enough). but you can always call her first or something just so that she's prepared and wont get caught off guard.
if you are pretty sure no one will say anything and it wont be spoken of AT ALL then i wouldn't tell her, id just wait for a more appropriate private time.
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| Posted 10/21/12 10:30 AM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
Name:
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Posted by cateyemm
Posted by ourhappysurprise2012
Thanks girls! I guess I'll hold off. My niece's bday is next week so maybe I'll tell them then. I just feel bad not telling them when everyone around them knows, like someone else mentioned above.
It may be better to tell her over the phone so she's not caught off guard in front of a big group of people. Also I've been at parties where the good news was whispered to every person but me and it was even more horrible than being told straight out. You never know how she's going to react and where she is in feeling sad for herself but you are very sweet and thoughtful for considering her feelings.
It shows how good of a friend you are for worrying about this.
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| Posted 10/21/12 12:58 PM |
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Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
You could call her or take her out to lunch and tell her. I wouldn't do it at the party she is hosting or at your niece's birthday. I don't mean to sound rude here, but those are days for them and if you aren't sure how the news will be recieved it could quickly turn into being about you. KWIM? Do it 1 on 1 but don't wait to long. Being left out because of IF or trouble TTC is sometimes harder. I also want to add that just because she has IF doesn't mean she won't be over the moon for you either! Will it sting...sure it might, but it's not personal.
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| Posted 10/21/12 1:23 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I would hold off telling her, too, but make sure she eventually hears it from you and not through the grapevine.
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| Posted 10/21/12 2:28 PM |
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yankeebaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/12 850 total posts
Name:
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Posted by Sparrow
Posted by popabubble
I personally wouldn't tell them tomorrow. I would let it be "her" day. Having gone through infertility myself, there are not many things you're able to celebrate along the way. So I would let her have the complete spotlight and then maybe tell them some other time when you all get together.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
ITA with all of this. Also, you're so early that you could always say or imply "We were waiting until after 12 weeks to tell". As far as how to tell, I don't have a good answer for that. I imagine it's not going to be the easiest thing. I had a similar situation and had a really hard time with telling. Good luck and congrats!
ITA...let her have her day and tell her alone when she can deal with it the way she has too...
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| Posted 10/21/12 4:35 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I can really identify with you friend. After going through failed infertility treatments and losses for the last 3 years, I just found out my dh's cousin is pregnant AGAIN since we started treatments. We didn't find out from her... she didn't make some big announcement... Instead, I just found out accidentally when someone slipped.  I felt horrible, not only that she was pregnant and I have no baby on the way .. but that people thought I couldn't handle the news. I would have handled it so much better if I was told respectfully straight from the source. Instead, it was just some big secret that I wasn't supposed to know about. I have no idea they thought they could get by not telling me .. I mean.. MOST people who get pregnant HAVE their babies... but whatever.
To answer your question, don't let her find out through the grapevine, but don't tell her on what she thinks is "her" day. I also think people tend to wait till closer to 12wks to make some big reveal.
Good luck and congrats! 
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| Posted 10/21/12 8:35 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I can really identify with you friend. After going through failed infertility treatments and losses for the last 3 years, I just found out my dh's cousin is pregnant AGAIN since we started treatments. We didn't find out from her... she didn't make some big announcement... Instead, I just found out accidentally when someone slipped. I felt horrible, not only that she was pregnant and I have no baby on the way .. but that people thought I couldn't handle the news. I would have handled it so much better if I was told respectfully straight from the source. Instead, it was just some big secret that I wasn't supposed to know about. I have no idea how they thought they could get by not telling me .. I mean.. MOST people who get pregnant HAVE their babies... but whatever.
To answer your question, don't let her find out through the grapevine, but don't tell her on what she thinks is "her" day. I also think people tend to wait till closer to 12wks to make some big reveal.
Good luck and congrats!
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| Posted 10/21/12 8:36 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
I would not tell her yet! Let her have her day!
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| Posted 10/22/12 1:38 PM |
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Re: Telling a family member that has issues with infertility
Having gone through IVF myself, definitely do not tell her tomorrow. Let her bask in her day for now...tell everyone another time.
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| Posted 10/22/12 2:29 PM |
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