"that feeling" ...

am I the only one who hasnt had "that feeling" when they look a their child? you know, that "i will kill for you, die for you" then burst into tears moment?" does that make me a bad mom?

I love my son more than anything and of course I would kill for him and do anything to protect him but sometimes I feel like he isnt even mine? is that odd? He is almost 7 weeks and I have yet to cry when I look at him or have the supernatural motherly bonding/instinctual feeling for him.

this is eating me up inside and i feel awful about it

Re: "that feeling" ...

I felt similar in the beginning. At 3 months I really started to feel it sooo much more! Thats when he started to respond to me. Dont worry, it doesnt make you a bad mom and that time will definitely come!

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it will come as he gets older.

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I was like this with my first DD and I did NOT have PPD. It took me a while before we bonded.

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For me it grows every day The first couple of months were so hard, DS was colicky, I didn't feel the intensity like I feel it now.

Re: "that feeling" ...

No, it does NOT make you a bad mom!

While I had these overwhelming feelings of love for my DD when she was born, I also felt extreamly detached from her. It took me a long to time to have those feelings you are describing. Yes, I felt guilty about it, especially for all my DH and I had to go through to even have her, but I was also dealing with PPD.

Do you feel like you might have PPD?

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Posted by julz33

it will come as he gets older.

Re: "that feeling" ...

I think it is VERY surreal in the beginning, especially if you have a difficult baby. Sadie was up crying and puking 24/7 until 6 weeks and it was very hard bc I was SO frustarted. I loved her so much, but it was hard to "bond" with the constant screaming and exhaustion.

Re: "that feeling" ...

Posted by MrsRbk

No, it does NOT make you a bad mom!

While I had these overwhelming feelings of love for my DD when she was born, I also felt extreamly detached from her. It took me a long to time to have those feelings you are describing. Yes, I felt guilty about it, especially for all my DH and I had to go through to even have her, but I was also dealing with PPD.

Do you feel like you might have PPD?

Re: "that feeling" ...

You are not a bad mom and never think that
Honestly, I feel the same way and I do feel like poop sometimes. I am not an overly mushy person and I love my daughter and would do anything for her, but I don't cry in amazment when I look at her. DH is home alot and he helps with her so much and sometimes I feel guilty for not running to her and letting him take care of her. I feel in time that feeling will show itself, like when she will reach out to me when she sees me walk into a room or looks dead at me and smiles.

Message edited 6/22/2010 9:49:28 PM.

Re: "that feeling" ...

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Re: "that feeling" ...

You're not a bad mom
I felt the same way at first, I felt like I was missing something. The feeling will creep in, don't worry. At 7 weeks there is still a lot of adjusting still going on, give it a little time.

Re: "that feeling" ...

No PPD here and I absolutely felt similar to you, please don't stress out about that, it will COME!!!! First 2 months you're EXHAUSTED, probably not eating well yourself, your hormones are zipping around trying to level off, if you're BFing that's another NON joyous thing to learn and besides all that (I wasn't really a "baby person" before I had one ) you have this strange little creature living with you 24/7 now.

It's ALL new it's ALL strange and it's ALL scary at first; once things start to get "normal" you will bond. Oh how you will bond

Re: "that feeling" ...

I DID NOT! I DID NOT have that instant unconditional, like nothing youve ever felt before love that everyone talks about....honestly, not for a few months. I had to fall in love with DS. Of course I loved him, but not in the way I was told I was going too.

To me, it was like any other relationship, we had to feel each other out, we had to get to know one another, I had to fall in love with him.

I felt like THE WORST human being ever bc I thought something was instinctively wrong with me, that I didnt have that.

I give you credit for asking bc I didnt, I just lived with the guilt bc I was ashamed and thought there was something wrong with me.

It WILL happen though, I promise. You will fall madly, deeply, head over heels, like nothing youve ever felt love with your DS, eventually. It just takes time for some of us and there is nothing wrong with that, or us.

ETA: In hindsight, I definitely think I had a touch of a mild case of PPD, iI think that had a lot to do with it. I had a REALLY hard time adjusting to the new mom thing on top of it.

Message edited 6/22/2010 11:11:45 PM.

Re: "that feeling" ...

thanks everyone, of course im crying now reading these responses because this has really been bothering me

i feel awful - sometimes i feel like he will grow up disconnected from me or feeling like i dont love him

glad to know im not alone!

Re: "that feeling" ...

Oh my love- you are NOT the only one. Let me share my experience.

My SIL gave birth to my nephew exactly 8 weeks before I had Madelyn. I remember her tears, her cries of instantaneous love. Her description of a tidal wave of love washing over her.

When Mads was born, after almost 3 hours of pushing, I felt........ nothing. I felt relief from the discomforts of labor. I felt tired. I remember thinking, "Get her OFF of me and clean her up I want to be left ALONE."

I was excited to be a mom. Was amazed at the idea that DH and I had created this tiny little creature who had my dimples and his nose. I loved her, but never felt this wash of emotion, this ache that so many new mommies describe. I felt a sense of duty to protect and care for her, but it took WEEKS before I felt passionate love for her.

I cried to my mother that I thought there was something *wrong* with me. I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. Could not WAIT until my first was born. Yet, I didn't feel like I thought I was supposed to feel. I knew I didn;t have PPD because I felt great. I loved taking care of her and looked forward to each day. But I felt bad that my breath didn;t catch every time I looked at her.

She looked at me in bewilderment and said, "How could you POSSIBLY love her like that right away? She is a stranger to you. You have no idea how to love like a mother yet...... it takes time." No wiser words were ever spoken to me as a first time mom.

I;m not sure WHEN those feelings came, but they did. Now, my love is so ferocious, so primal that I can barely breathe when it comes to my babies.

I will say this- when my second was born, those feelings DID occur immediately. Because I already KNEW how to love like a mother. When they put Eliza on me I looked at DH with tears rolling down my face and I couldn't BREATHE because I loved her so much so instantly. I literally felt my heart grow to accomodate the love I have for both my girls.

Sorry this was so long, but I wanted you to know that what you are feeling is SO normal for MANY first time moms.

Re: "that feeling" ...

Re: "that feeling" ...

Posted by Porrruss

Oh my love- you are NOT the only one. Let me share my experience.

My SIL gave birth to my nephew exactly 8 weeks before I had Madelyn. I remember her tears, her cries of instantaneous love. Her description of a tidal wave of love washing over her.

When Mads was born, after almost 3 hours of pushing, I felt........ nothing. I felt relief from the discomforts of labor. I felt tired. I remember thinking, "Get her OFF of me and clean her up I want to be left ALONE."

I was excited to be a mom. Was amazed at the idea that DH and I had created this tiny little creature who had my dimples and his nose. I loved her, but never felt this wash of emotion, this ache that so many new mommies describe. I felt a sense of duty to protect and care for her, but it took WEEKS before I felt passionate love for her.

I cried to my mother that I thought there was something *wrong* with me. I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. Could not WAIT until my first was born. Yet, I didn't feel like I thought I was supposed to feel. I knew I didn;t have PPD because I felt great. I loved taking care of her and looked forward to each day. But I felt bad that my breath didn;t catch every time I looked at her.

She looked at me in bewilderment and said, "How could you POSSIBLY love her like that right away? She is a stranger to you. You have no idea how to love like a mother yet...... it takes time." No wiser words were ever spoken to me as a first time mom.

I;m not sure WHEN those feelings came, but they did. Now, my love is so ferocious, so primal that I can barely breathe when it comes to my babies.

I will say this- when my second was born, those feelings DID occur immediately. Because I already KNEW how to love like a mother. When they put Eliza on me I looked at DH with tears rolling down my face and I couldn't BREATHE because I loved her so much so instantly. I literally felt my heart grow to accomodate the love I have for both my girls.

Sorry this was so long, but I wanted you to know that what you are feeling is SO normal for MANY first time moms.

Re: "that feeling" ...

It took me FOREVER to feel that way about my daughter. Like, probably 4 or 5 months. I don't know, I felt like she was a stranger in the beginning because, well, she was! It was NOT an instant bond and I don't feel bad about that at all because how in the world can you help that? I mean, she was cared for the best possible, but I wouldn't say I was bonded to her for a long while. It was a slow easing into it with us.
That being said, with my son, my second born, the bond was instant. Like, the moment I saw him. I never thought that was possible since it didn't happen with my daughter, and at first I felt horribly guilty for it. But after some thought, I realized what the difference is: I know what it's like to love a child now, so that connection was already open and ready for me to make with him. With my daughter, I had no idea how to love a child. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. So, don't be hard on yourself. You'll get there, I promise, and if it takes a long time, that's ok!

Re: "that feeling" ...

Posted by Porrruss

Oh my love- you are NOT the only one. Let me share my experience.

My SIL gave birth to my nephew exactly 8 weeks before I had Madelyn. I remember her tears, her cries of instantaneous love. Her description of a tidal wave of love washing over her.

When Mads was born, after almost 3 hours of pushing, I felt........ nothing. I felt relief from the discomforts of labor. I felt tired. I remember thinking, "Get her OFF of me and clean her up I want to be left ALONE."

I was excited to be a mom. Was amazed at the idea that DH and I had created this tiny little creature who had my dimples and his nose. I loved her, but never felt this wash of emotion, this ache that so many new mommies describe. I felt a sense of duty to protect and care for her, but it took WEEKS before I felt passionate love for her.

I cried to my mother that I thought there was something *wrong* with me. I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. Could not WAIT until my first was born. Yet, I didn't feel like I thought I was supposed to feel. I knew I didn;t have PPD because I felt great. I loved taking care of her and looked forward to each day. But I felt bad that my breath didn;t catch every time I looked at her.

She looked at me in bewilderment and said, "How could you POSSIBLY love her like that right away? She is a stranger to you. You have no idea how to love like a mother yet...... it takes time." No wiser words were ever spoken to me as a first time mom.

I;m not sure WHEN those feelings came, but they did. Now, my love is so ferocious, so primal that I can barely breathe when it comes to my babies.

I will say this- when my second was born, those feelings DID occur immediately. Because I already KNEW how to love like a mother. When they put Eliza on me I looked at DH with tears rolling down my face and I couldn't BREATHE because I loved her so much so instantly. I literally felt my heart grow to accomodate the love I have for both my girls.

Sorry this was so long, but I wanted you to know that what you are feeling is SO normal for MANY first time moms.

Re: "that feeling" ...

Re: "that feeling" ...

Posted by headoverheels

Posted by carolyns4cupcakes

I was like this with my first DD and I did NOT have PPD. It took me a while before we bonded.

Same here! I was like this with Luca, I had zero PPD. It will come, I PROMISE!

Re: "that feeling" ...

It comes, and sometimes not overnight. I remember after Ryan was born my SIL (who had had my nephew less than 4 months previous) told me sometimes you don't fall in love right away - she told me so I wouldn't worry if I wasn't gushing ASAP. It was good to have another mom volunteer that so I didn't question the range of emotions I was (or was not) having.

Re: "that feeling" ...

Posted by Porrruss

Oh my love- you are NOT the only one. Let me share my experience.

My SIL gave birth to my nephew exactly 8 weeks before I had Madelyn. I remember her tears, her cries of instantaneous love. Her description of a tidal wave of love washing over her.

When Mads was born, after almost 3 hours of pushing, I felt........ nothing. I felt relief from the discomforts of labor. I felt tired. I remember thinking, "Get her OFF of me and clean her up I want to be left ALONE."

I was excited to be a mom. Was amazed at the idea that DH and I had created this tiny little creature who had my dimples and his nose. I loved her, but never felt this wash of emotion, this ache that so many new mommies describe. I felt a sense of duty to protect and care for her, but it took WEEKS before I felt passionate love for her.

I cried to my mother that I thought there was something *wrong* with me. I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. Could not WAIT until my first was born. Yet, I didn't feel like I thought I was supposed to feel. I knew I didn;t have PPD because I felt great. I loved taking care of her and looked forward to each day. But I felt bad that my breath didn;t catch every time I looked at her.

She looked at me in bewilderment and said, "How could you POSSIBLY love her like that right away? She is a stranger to you. You have no idea how to love like a mother yet...... it takes time." No wiser words were ever spoken to me as a first time mom.

I;m not sure WHEN those feelings came, but they did. Now, my love is so ferocious, so primal that I can barely breathe when it comes to my babies.

I will say this- when my second was born, those feelings DID occur immediately. Because I already KNEW how to love like a mother. When they put Eliza on me I looked at DH with tears rolling down my face and I couldn't BREATHE because I loved her so much so instantly. I literally felt my heart grow to accomodate the love I have for both my girls.

Sorry this was so long, but I wanted you to know that what you are feeling is SO normal for MANY first time moms.