the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

I see some won't go to any events without their DC and was wondering what the reasoning was. Is it because you have no one to take care of your child(ren) or another reason? What if it was a very important event, along the lines of your best friend's wedding and your DC wasn't invited?

No judgements...

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Why wouldn't I bring her?



I do stuff without her though. Just refuse to leave the town without her. Paranoia maybe. I don't know. I just don't see the reason why I need to get drunk or dance my feet off if my kid can't be around. Its not like I'm at a strip bar or something I don't want her exposed to. Its generally family or friends.

(ETA: by the above I dont mean to imply i would get drunk with her around. I dont go out to drink. If I do then he doesn't. Im seriously against drinking and driving in a major way)

AJ danced with my hubby at that last wedding we went to. It was SOOOO Sweet. She got up and boogied with the teens. She loved the cake. She was introduced to cousins I barely know. Everyone got to see her and it was nice.

Message edited 3/28/2012 6:28:55 PM.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

I gladly go places without my DC, so I'm not speaking from personal experience, but among family members and friends I know who have this mindset, these are the various reasons I hear--

- Either nobody to watch them, or they don't trust anybody to watch them

- The parents work a lot and don't spend enough time as they would like with their kids, they don't want these events cutting into family time

- They find it "insulting"

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

I am perfectly fine going to things without my kids, but I definitely prefer to bring them. Of course, if it is something that they are not invited to, I have no problem with that. But if given the choice, I would almost always rather bring them. I don't see a reason not to. I want my kids to experience as much as they possibly can and I want to expose them to everything I can in this world. And I LOVE being with my kids. They surprise and amaze me all the time. Just 2 weeks ago, we were at my sister's wedding, and my 2 year old danced his little tushy off from the moment we walked in to the moment we walked out. Literally did not leave the dance floor except to eat dinner and have a diaper change. He had the time of his life! Watching him experience that, and experiencing it with him was priceless to me. I'll never forget it. I have experienced a lot of things in my life, and now I get to experience everything new through the eyes of my children. Awesome.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

The only place I won't go without my children are on vacations, etc. I leave them every day for work and already miss out on so much of their lives. I don't have to option stay at home. IF we get invited out to dinner or somewhere without the kids I will leave them, but I would also prefer to do more family friendly activities most of the time.

In my mind - they are only young once and I miss out on so much as it is..

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

I think trusting someone to watch my kids is a big issue for me. It takes a lot of patience to watch a child. My sister in law is a nurse and is wonderful with my son, if she's busy or invited to the same event I'm pretty much out of luck. My other sister in law and brother in law are awesome as well but they have their own newborn now. My family let's my ds do whatever he wants. They don't get what a baby should not be allowed to touch. When my sons are older I will definitely be more comfortable with baby sitters.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

My kids are part of "us” now. Life is different. We go to many places with kids and just a few without. For example... I'm going to dinner with my bff... But dh will watch them.

IMO. We both work... So we try to spend all the time we can with kids.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I do understand people wanting to spend time with their kids, I do - especially FTWMs. But most of the events that DH and I are invited to just are not kid-friendly. Weddings included. It wouldn't be fun for me, and it wouldn't be fun for them! I look forward to attending those with friends, adult family members and DH so we can let loose a little and having my kids there would cramp my style, whether alcohol was involved or not.

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

When we had just 1 DS and we lived in NYC, I had no problems leaving DS with my mom. She watched him while we worked and she was like a second mom to him.

Then we had DS#2 and we moved to the DC area. We no longer have local family. Plus watching 2 kids is too much for my mom. We have never gone away without the kids.

DH and I have gone away by ourselves but never together since DS#2 was born. One parent has always stayed behind to stay with the kids. I went to Aruba alone with my best friend. DH has gone to bachelor parties and golf trips without us.

We do plan to go away alone. We may have my parents come PLUS have the nanny come during the day. That should be enough coverage. No immediate plans to go away alone without the kids.

Message edited 3/28/2012 8:54:33 PM.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Posted by headoverheels

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Posted by headoverheels

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I do understand people wanting to spend time with their kids, I do - especially FTWMs. But most of the events that DH and I are invited to just are not kid-friendly. Weddings included. It wouldn't be fun for me, and it wouldn't be fun for them! I look forward to attending those with friends, adult family members and DH so we can let loose a little and having my kids there would cramp my style, whether alcohol was involved or not.

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

It took a lot of work, money, tears, meds, emotional breakdowns, etc. to have DS and while people who are close to me have a right to host the kind of party they wish, I have the right to refuse to attend. I dont hold it against them and I hope they wont hold it against me.

I chose to not attend my brother's wedding for many reasons but the main was that my DS was not invited. Anyone who I trusted was attending the wedding.

I choose not to attend my close friend's annual Memorial Day party because she does not allow children. For me this it is a family holiday and could never leave part of my family home.

A friend of DH got married in December and DS was not invited. Had we not been able to get SIL to watch him, I would have stayed home.

I do want to add that I do not have a problem going out without DS when I have someone I personally know and trust watching him, so it is not a matter of me not going anywhere without him. It is more a matter of me opting out of thing I consider family events when a very important member of my family is not being included.

Message edited 3/28/2012 9:27:44 PM.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

I just like being with my DD. I don't have much of a desire to do things without her right now. Maybe that will change as she gets older but I am loving the family thing right now. As for the weekends, my DH really likes when we are all together since he doesn't get to spend a lot of time with Emerson during the week. We are both homebodies by nature so being with DD all the time suits us.

If I absolutely HAVE to be somewhere, like a wedding, my parents can easily watch her (they live two minutes away) but if I can bring her somewhere, I do.

ETA - I agree with everyone else too. I just want her with us to experience everything. She has a blast at weddings and parties and it makes it more fun for us if she is there. I just LOOOoVE being with her.

Message edited 3/28/2012 9:28:38 PM.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Posted by Kelly9904

Posted by headoverheels

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

I am with you LB! I dont feel bad admitting it. Especially because I am a SAHM, if I can get a sitter, or if its someting DH isnt going to...count me in! I LOVE my social time where no one is asking me to take them to the potty, or whining for a bottle, etc. I LOVE being able to talk to other adults and finish a complete sentence. I think its so important to me as a PERSON, to have alone time.
And there was a person on here who once said (and I didnt get it at the time but now do) that its important to put your marriage first, even before the kids, and do things as a married couple and not just as parents. At the time I thought she was nuts. But especially since I had DS#2 I get it. So now I do take advantage of going out alone to dinner or the movies or anything with just DH or with other couple friends. And you know what the next day I am even a better mother/wife because I had that time to relax.

I can however understand how it might be different for a FTWM.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Posted by Kelly9904

Posted by headoverheels

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

I am with you LB! I dont feel bad admitting it. Especially because I am a SAHM, if I can get a sitter, or if its someting DH isnt going to...count me in! I LOVE my social time where no one is asking me to take them to the potty, or whining for a bottle, etc. I LOVE being able to talk to other adults and finish a complete sentence. I think its so important to me as a PERSON, to have alone time.
And there was a person on here who once said (and I didnt get it at the time but now do) that its important to put your marriage first, even before the kids, and do things as a married couple and not just as parents. At the time I thought she was nuts. But especially since I had DS#2 I get it. So now I do take advantage of going out alone to dinner or the movies or anything with just DH or with other couple friends. And you know what the next day I am even a better mother/wife because I had that time to relax.

I can however understand how it might be different for a FTWM.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Posted by headoverheels

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I do understand people wanting to spend time with their kids, I do - especially FTWMs. But most of the events that DH and I are invited to just are not kid-friendly. Weddings included. It wouldn't be fun for me, and it wouldn't be fun for them! I look forward to attending those with friends, adult family members and DH so we can let loose a little and having my kids there would cramp my style, whether alcohol was involved or not.

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Posted by Naturalmama

Posted by headoverheels

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I do understand people wanting to spend time with their kids, I do - especially FTWMs. But most of the events that DH and I are invited to just are not kid-friendly. Weddings included. It wouldn't be fun for me, and it wouldn't be fun for them! I look forward to attending those with friends, adult family members and DH so we can let loose a little and having my kids there would cramp my style, whether alcohol was involved or not.

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

Not bad at all! I LOVE my son with every ounce of my being...but I also love "me" time- whether that means going out with DH, time with girlfriends, or just being by myself.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

Posted by headoverheels

Is it bad if I admit that I PREFER to go out places such as showers, weddings, parties without my DC?

I do understand people wanting to spend time with their kids, I do - especially FTWMs. But most of the events that DH and I are invited to just are not kid-friendly. Weddings included. It wouldn't be fun for me, and it wouldn't be fun for them! I look forward to attending those with friends, adult family members and DH so we can let loose a little and having my kids there would cramp my style, whether alcohol was involved or not.

I hope it's okay that I crashed this post but I did want to offer another perspective

Message edited 3/29/2012 8:51:51 AM.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

I have no problem leaving my kids home for events, or even for a weekend away. But I do feel like kids should be welcome at any family events. It should be up to the parents if they want to get a sitter or not.

Re: the families who won't go anywhere without their DC -?

I am a FTWM. It's tough leaving my boys and I do feel guilty I miss a lot. End of the day during the week is our time and I love the smiles on their faces when I pick them up. DH and I make it a point to be with them as much as possible and work/play together with them.
On that note... I also need Me Time, Girl time, husband time, etc!
We're lucky my parents live around the block and my IL's are an hour away so they sleep over and we can go out.
Usually when we do go out it's around the boy's bedtime anyway so we don't miss much.
As much as we need our own "adult" time I also like it that the boys get their "grandparent" time.
I try not to judge how anyone else is. DH and I just decided what's healthiest for US is to make our kids apart of our lives just like our parents.
I'm SOOO close with my parents and love them so much. I don't remember EVER feeling neglected and my parents got a babysitter and went out with their friends just about EVERY weekend. WE loved our cool babysitter too. We've also stayed with grandparents for a weekend so my parents could go away and I have the fondest memories with them. WE've also done lots of family vacations as well.

All of which made me who I am now as a person, wife and mother,