The time has finally come

my dh told me this week that my ss will be moving in with us permanently. He is not doing well with his mom and needs a more mature parental role model. we have a 1.5 yr old ds in the house so its been the three of us and now it will be 4. my ss is 15.5 and has spent every summer with us. I'm nervous about him moving in regarding certain habits that i notice when hes here for the summer. i've never adressed them with him just because i don't wanna be the mean step mom. but i want to be able to get things out in open from the beginning as to not cause any stressors. he sleeps with the tv on all night, he eats in the living room(i hate that) and leaves his cup, bowl, plate in living room. he wastes the milk like crazy(the baby drinks milk too$$$$$) and is a lil careless. obviously his mother never nagged him about anything besides calling "daddy" for money lol. I think he can be a good kid, not direspectful or anything but those are my pet peeves.....................how should i approach it when he comes????/open to all suggestions please!!!!!!

Re: The time has finally come

Oh I totally get it! It's so hard when you are used to living one way and now someone comes in who changes the dynamic.

I'm definitely not an expert at this step parenting stuff but I guess what I would do is have your DH tell him that you guys have rules in your house about eating at the kitchen table, all dirty dishes go in the sink or shutting the TV off at bedtime (even if it means teaching him how to use the timer on his TV). That way, it's addressed and you don't look like the "bad guy". As far as wasting milk, I don't know. My SD wastes everything. It makes me nuts. She will open a can of soda or whatever, take a sip or one bite of an apple and then be done. I guess once it starts happening when he is there, mention to him that it's very costly and you would appreciate it if he only took what he was going to use.

Good luck to you!

Re: The time has finally come

agreed...let Dh do the talking.
I talk to my SDs up front. I always say "don't make me get all Evil Step Mom on you now" lol

Re: The time has finally come

I say just act like it's your house, you're the adult, you pay the bills so YOUR RULES. Same as if it was your own child. I don't think you need to worry about being the evil stepmom unless you are being one. Are you asking anything of him that you wouldn't ask of your own child? If your own child opened a can of soda and left it, what would you do? do THAT.

That's what I do with my stepchildren and I make it clear to them that everyone in my home is treated the same, whether it be them, DH, family, etc etc.....


We have rules....abide by them or live in the shed.

Seriously tho, I find a lot of times, if you throw a bit of humor in there it makes it a lot easier. A simple..."helloooo soda waster, what is THIS????" lol .... or "who do YOU think is cleaning that food when it falls on the floor...not ME!! Get your butt in the kitchen when you're eating, let's go...".....etc etc........... I wouldn't make a huge issue out of any one thing in particular or have a huge dramatic meeting with his dad when he walks in. Its not his dad's job to be the only parent, it's your house too....if you don't believe that, then neither will your SS.

Re: The time has finally come

Posted by AnaMaree77

I say just act like it's your house, you're the adult, you pay the bills so YOUR RULES. Same as if it was your own child. I don't think you need to worry about being the evil stepmom unless you are being one. Are you asking anything of him that you wouldn't ask of your own child? If your own child opened a can of soda and left it, what would you do? do THAT.

That's what I do with my stepchildren and I make it clear to them that everyone in my home is treated the same, whether it be them, DH, family, etc etc.....


We have rules....abide by them or live in the shed.

Seriously tho, I find a lot of times, if you throw a bit of humor in there it makes it a lot easier. A simple..."helloooo soda waster, what is THIS????" lol .... or "who do YOU think is cleaning that food when it falls on the floor...not ME!! Get your butt in the kitchen when you're eating, let's go...".....etc etc........... I wouldn't make a huge issue out of any one thing in particular or have a huge dramatic meeting with his dad when he walks in. Its not his dad's job to be the only parent, it's your house too....if you don't believe that, then neither will your SS.

Re: The time has finally come

Posted by MrsKS

Posted by AnaMaree77

I say just act like it's your house, you're the adult, you pay the bills so YOUR RULES. Same as if it was your own child. I don't think you need to worry about being the evil stepmom unless you are being one. Are you asking anything of him that you wouldn't ask of your own child? If your own child opened a can of soda and left it, what would you do? do THAT.

That's what I do with my stepchildren and I make it clear to them that everyone in my home is treated the same, whether it be them, DH, family, etc etc.....


We have rules....abide by them or live in the shed.

Seriously tho, I find a lot of times, if you throw a bit of humor in there it makes it a lot easier. A simple..."helloooo soda waster, what is THIS????" lol .... or "who do YOU think is cleaning that food when it falls on the floor...not ME!! Get your butt in the kitchen when you're eating, let's go...".....etc etc........... I wouldn't make a huge issue out of any one thing in particular or have a huge dramatic meeting with his dad when he walks in. Its not his dad's job to be the only parent, it's your house too....if you don't believe that, then neither will your SS.

I really like this outlook on this topic.

Re: The time has finally come

Posted by mrsjpierre

Posted by MrsKS

Posted by AnaMaree77

I say just act like it's your house, you're the adult, you pay the bills so YOUR RULES. Same as if it was your own child. I don't think you need to worry about being the evil stepmom unless you are being one. Are you asking anything of him that you wouldn't ask of your own child? If your own child opened a can of soda and left it, what would you do? do THAT.

That's what I do with my stepchildren and I make it clear to them that everyone in my home is treated the same, whether it be them, DH, family, etc etc.....


We have rules....abide by them or live in the shed.

Seriously tho, I find a lot of times, if you throw a bit of humor in there it makes it a lot easier. A simple..."helloooo soda waster, what is THIS????" lol .... or "who do YOU think is cleaning that food when it falls on the floor...not ME!! Get your butt in the kitchen when you're eating, let's go...".....etc etc........... I wouldn't make a huge issue out of any one thing in particular or have a huge dramatic meeting with his dad when he walks in. Its not his dad's job to be the only parent, it's your house too....if you don't believe that, then neither will your SS.

I really like this outlook on this topic.

agreed!

Re: The time has finally come

you have to make sure to lay the rules down from the start and your DH MUST back you up 100%


also, make sure he has chores/responsibilities from day 1 too. he needs to know that there are expectations that need to be met! it will also make him feel like a part of the unit. make him make his bed. empty or load dishwasher, he with your DS, etc.


i have a 1.5 yr old DD and a 13 yr old SS so I definitely know your situation!

we've told him MANY times he can live with us fulltime and he says he would if he didnt have to change schools. honestly -- i think hes afraid to tell his mom he doesnt want to live with her. shes a nut case.



with that said -- id have some of the same concerns with my DS. he does so many things that irk me. Leaves half full cups everywhere. leaves a TV on and then leaves the room. just makes a mess in general. I have to nag him to do his HW or study. But i know a lot of these things are just typical teen annoying stuff and we'll get past it.

Re: The time has finally come

Posted by AnaMaree77

I say just act like it's your house, you're the adult, you pay the bills so YOUR RULES. Same as if it was your own child. I don't think you need to worry about being the evil stepmom unless you are being one. Are you asking anything of him that you wouldn't ask of your own child? If your own child opened a can of soda and left it, what would you do? do THAT.

That's what I do with my stepchildren and I make it clear to them that everyone in my home is treated the same, whether it be them, DH, family, etc etc.....


We have rules....abide by them or live in the shed.

totally!!!

Message edited 4/6/2011 1:31:14 PM.