this is no longer normal

my DD is 14 weeks old now. she was premature, but was a natural birth with an episiotomy. I healed really good and fast and i've been trying to initiate the BD with my dh since being cleard at my six week apt. he has no intrest at all. i was on bedrest for 2 months prior to the birth, so there's been no action not even kissing for 6 months now.

i lost all of my baby weight pretty fast. i look decent. i'm always tired because i have a demanding job and only had 8 weeks off with the baby, but i'm still trying to initiate with no luck. the baby is an angel. she sleeps through the night, sometimes even 13 hours straight. during the week he tells me "i have to work tomorrow and i'm tired." On the weekend, he stays downstairs on the couch watching movies until 2 or 3am while i go to bed at 12. he waits until i'm asleep to come to bed. i got up at 2am last weekend to try again, and caught him asleep on the couch with his hand in his pants. i went back to bed and cried for an hour. clearly he has the urge - just not with me. i try again in the morning, but he grunts that he has to pee or he's sweaty or his breath smells or something like that.

i don't think he is afraid of getting me pregnant again. it took over a year and a half and infertility treatments to conceive our daughter.

we have a great relationship otherwise. we've been married for 6 years, together for 10. he's fantastic with DD, very thoughtful and considerate around the house, but there is just no affection or intimacy and its really hurting me. i've talked to him often and i get the same story - tired, busy. i know for a fact he's not getting anything elsewhere.

i'm starting to get down on myself even though i know its not my fault that hes not interested. i'm angry all the time. bitter. i feel unattractive and frumpy when i should feel the most womanly i've ever felt. i just want to cry.

i really need some help/advice from btdts. Thank you.

Re: this is no longer normal

It's totally not you!!

My DH admitted to me recently (18 mos pp!!) that when I was PG and for a few months after, he could just not see me in any other light than as a mother.

He couldn't describe it, just the knowledge that DS was living inside of me freaked him out. I think it is completely normal. Don't get yourself down on it.

Now, he is back to "normal"

you also have to remember that having a newborn is a HUGE adjustment for both of you and you will each deal with it in your own way.

Re: this is no longer normal

dh was the same way for a while after ds... i tyhink it was a combo of watching the birth (i delivered naturally) and watching me nurse... I can tell you it did get better since ds just turned one and i am due in january with #2...

Re: this is no longer normal

Did he watch the birth? maybe he is afraid to hurt you. I would give him a few more weeks (w/ no initiating from you) and then sit and have a chat with him.

Re: this is no longer normal