This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Thanks everyone!

Message edited 2/14/2013 7:50:21 PM.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I am always surprised at how nervy people can be... wow
I think it is unusual and strange esp since it's not like you know each other extremely well or have even had a playdate yet!
to think that someone would watch your kid all day when you don't even know them that well? wow, i would never.
but that's me.
I just had a mom that i know so-so ask to have my DD over after school w/o me and although i know it would probably be fine, i am not ready for that yet and that's only maybe a 2 hr playdate!
don't feel bad or anything about not saying yes at all! it is not your responsibility to mind her child b.c she has to work.
helping her out for an hour or so is one thing, but a whole day when you don't even know them that well?
to me that is not the norm.

This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I think since you do not really know each other it is weird and ballsy. However, I have watched kids on snow days or random days they've had off but it was always kids I knew REALLY well and I was always the one who offered. I would take this as a red flag not to get too close with this mom, personally.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I can understand she's probably stressed about trying to find child care on short notice, but that said, it wasn't really fair of her to ask you. An hour or two is one thing, but all day is a lot.

I work from home and have an arrangement with a mom whose daughter has become good friends with DD. Her DD plays at our house often and it's great because the girls get along well and while I keep an ear on them, I can get a lot of my work done. The mom went back to work PT and we have a swap- she offered to pay me but we've become friendly and I don't want to mix money into that. And I get to bring DD to her when I have a lot to do.

This mom was probably caught off guard- hopefully she will make backup arrangements for when her kids are off but she has to work.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I guess I'm in the minority, but since I've been in that woman's place, all I keep thinking isn't how nervy she is, but rather how desperate.

I would've watched her kids. I know what it's like to have nobody and no options, and the panic that sets in when you can't take a day off and are scrambling for child care. Maybe she does have a backup plan and that person or people aren't available. It happens. Trust me I know about it all too well.

Now that my kids are older I have a network of local mommy friends and we all help each other out. These women are my angels and I am thankful for their help and friendship.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I totally got that she was desperate. I can relate because I have no one either. I guess I feel I need to know the person better and how the kid ticks. Also i need to be a little more prepared. i don't know how well they get along, or how she behaves. We don't have a playroom or a basement. We have one room where we do everything. We don't even have cable now so unless she likes super heroes or Star Wars, we have nothing to watch. No snacks because I couldn't go shopping.

Also, I was sick last week and still am pretty worn out. I spend my weeks teaching severely emotionally disturbed students who are physically and emotionally draining. I still need to finish my lesson plans. The house is a mess.

I was so grateful to get this day off. I wanted to sleep late, laze around, give Cai a bath, and just ease into my day before running errands.

I know I should try harder with this situation because i csn relate, but honestly, I am burnt out and there is so little left of me.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I still think you did the right thing for yourself, and for them. You don't know her well, you're not set up to entertain a girl (which sounds kind of bad ) and it's just risky to take in a kid all day when you don't know her or her mom very well. Hopefully she understood.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Don't feel badly at all! I would have done the exact same thing unless it was a very good friend.

This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I live around very desperate moms.
I try to put myself in their shoes-the first one shocked us...we had been living here for a month-
a mom from soccer called to see if kid could spend the night and then i could bring him to the game the following day.
she had no idea our last name, where we lived.
it was the longest day of my life.
i use it to my benefit now. the mom across the street will drop off her son in a jam-which is good because my daughter needs a playmate.
i do offer josh's classmates my home on teacher planning days.
i learned to do this because my friend is a teacher and was always up a creek on those days-so she would drop her boys off.
in charlotte-snow days, people paid me to watch their kids.

the days are long-i am grateful to not be in that situation, i can't imagine the stress that comes along with it.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Posted by MrsProfessor

I still think you did the right thing for yourself, and for them. You don't know her well, you're not set up to entertain a girl (which sounds kind of bad ) and it's just risky to take in a kid all day when you don't know her or her mom very well. Hopefully she understood.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I would do this for a friend as well!

I felt like such a shitt. Thanks ladies!

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I think she was probably desperate. I can't imagine what it's like to be a single mom... and one that asked you to watch her child before she asked the father.

You didn't do the wrong thing though. Don't feel bad.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Posted by MrsProfessor

I still think you did the right thing for yourself, and for them. You don't know her well, you're not set up to entertain a girl (which sounds kind of bad ) and it's just risky to take in a kid all day when you don't know her or her mom very well. Hopefully she understood.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I give you credit for saying no. I think I probably would have been suckered in to saying yes.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I have feelings on both sides of this. On the one hand I would NEVER EVER leave either of my DC in a stranger's home where I have never been - alone - for 20 min - let alone an entire day! The fact that she would do this makes me concerned about her - either she is really desperate or just doesn't care at all - either way, not good. That said - I am a sucker. If someone asks me for a favor I find it hard to say no. Not that it is the *right* thing to do in the situation but, I would probably suck it up and watch her kid. But, this is my fatal flaw! I don't put myself first like I should! So, don't take my advice!

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

If she was really in a bind she could have said something like "I need someone to watch DD , our normal routine will not work bc of the weather blah blah, would you maybe be interested in babysitting her?" and then explain that she is willing to pay you

I might tread very lightly with this chic.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I had someone do that for me & I have to say I was annoyed. Mainly because she phrased it as "X really would like to get together with J." so I wrongly assumed she was inviting my kid over her house. It would have been fine because my parents are willing to drop off my kids for playdates on snowdays, half days, etc. when they're watching them.

If she would have come straight out & said "I'm in a bind, are you off of work tomorrow for the kids?", I probably would have considered taking the day off from work to ease my parents' burden of watching my kids &watched hers too. I took off days after Hurricane Sandy because I knew someone in the same boat. It was the dishonest way she went about it that bothered me.

You aren't wrong for declining her because you had your own plans (whether that was for a relaxing day for you or not).

But I remember when our school closed early during a snowstorm & one of the moms in my area called me & offered to take my daughter home with her. She said she used to work in the city too & remembered how nerve-wracking it was. I was so touched that she thought to do that.

Re: This is such a new thing for me.... Fellow school mom etiquette?

I would have watched her child and have done so for others in the past. You just never know when you will need some help. Now that my kids are about that age, it actually nice to have playdates at my house. They entertain each other and let me get stuff done around the house. I can see why you felt a little weirded out by it but I don't think it's all that uncommon either. I don't think you were wrong for declining but I can understand where she was coming from. Thank god for my neighbor who had picked up my DD at school because of an early dismissal and I'm 45 minutes away.

Message edited 2/13/2013 2:12:05 PM.