This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

So everyone knows my deal w/the divorce, blah, blah, blah. What everyone MAY not know is that my wonderful stbx is running around currently with FOUR women and has been for up to four years (discovered that during a very open conversation a few weekends ago). The woman he's going to be moving in with after the house sells is one of them. She's 60; the mother of one of his friends and is our across the street neighbor. He doesn't make a secret of their relationship and neither does she. Frankly, it makes me ill, but each to their own, etc.

Anyhoo. It's Mother's Day weekend. I figured he would make some sort of gesture to take her for the day so I could do some things, etc. Nope!! He informed me just before he scrambled to the door to see her (after he gobbled down the dinner I made Friday night) that he was going to be with her all weekend and that he was taking HER and his mother out to dinner. I couldn't help but throw in the comment as he was walking out at least he could save a few bucks on the two since they'll both be eligble for the senior discount Anyhoo, I decided to go to my Mom's for the weekend. I had a very nice day out there yesterday. I went dress shopping w/my future SIL, Amber and Mom to find a dress for Mom for the wedding. Then I took the baby to Cedar Creek park for a long afternoon of fun in the sun. Afterwards, I brought dinner and gifts over to my Grandmother (and my brother stopped in). Last night I chilled w/my Mom and this morning, the entire family took Mom to breakfast. A really, really nice weekend. When I got back here in the afternoon, he was guess where??? I guess I shouldn't be surprised but he was working in her yard, etc. He saw me and the baby (who he hasn't seen since 8:30 p.m. Friday night because he never came home) and didn't even come over to say hello to the baby. I was steamed and took off for Holtsville Ecology where we had yet another amazing afternoon. When I got home, the baby was sleeping and he stopped "home" to pick up the two old bag's gifts. The baby heard him and woke up and he couldn't be bothered acknowledging her for more than a minute; had to get to his "lady love".

Now, as I jumped all over the place, the thing that stood out in my mind the most all weekend was this; at both parks we were at this weekend, the baby was ultra observant of other men in the park w/their children. To the point (on both occassions) where she tried to catch the man's attention if him and his child was having a geniune good time together. It broke my heart to see her longing for something that she simply doesn't have. The wife of one of the men looked annoyed. The other looked on in sympathy as my eyes caught hers. I guess I'm just so angry that he can't be bothered with his own child and yet devotes all of his time and attention to a woman who is 26 years his senior
I guess I should be glad that John is coming into my life. He's more of a Dad than her own Dad is

Happy Mother's Day guys. I guess I should be the one celebrating Father's Day with her too since I'm wearing both hats these days

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Wow...I feel for Amber...life isn't fair enough and then you have to get stuck with a douche for a dad

Hang in there and keep doing all the good you do, even though I know as a mom when your baby hurts you hurt

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I really don't know what to say. Other than my mom got divorced from my "sperm donor" and got remarried when I was four. I consider him my dad, and the best daddy at that.

I think that John sounds like a great guy and I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up being the man that Amber calls daddy when she is 25, like I do. TTYTT, I believe that kids know more than we think they do and I'm sure she knows that her "dad" is not doing his part. The good thing is that she is young enough to hopefully get over it a little as she gets older.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I am so sorry that you guys are going through this. You are a great mom and are doing such a great job with Amber, taking her to do so many fun things. I hope that one day he wakes up and realizes what is really important in life, for Amber's sake, so that she can ahve the father figure in her life that she deserves.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I'm glad you and Amber had a nice weekend, even if your stbx is being a jerk. My dad pretty much dropped us when my parents split up, so I know how hard this is.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I really feel for Ambier. My dad was basically the same way with me. Always too busy with work and women. It actually makes me so emotional sometimes to watch how great DH is with Miranda. I wish I knew what to say to make it better. You're a great mom to her, that shines through in every post and she is lucky to have you.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I'm sorry you have to go through this. My aunt and cousin had a similar situation, and while it was very hard for my cousin, she ended up having a much stronger relationship with her mom- she knew my aunt was mommy and daddy, and ultimately she had a happy childhood. Surround Amber with people who love her, and I think that will make a huge difference.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Amber is very lucky to have you as a mom and i am saure you will do a wonderful job of raising her and the new man in your life sounds wonderful.Hopeflly he can fill some of the void that your ex will leave in her life.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I'm so sorry The unfortunate thing is that one day he'll realize all that he has missed out on - the most beautiful thing in the world - the unconditional love of your own child - but by that time, it will probably be too late. Just try to focus on the positives in your life with your new man, and how lucky you are to have gotten out of a sour marriage with such a self-absorbed man.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I know that it hurts now...but in the long run the further Amber is from Bob and his famiy the better. She shouldn't be around people who trash talk her mother...who by the way is an amazing person!!!!

I think that as time goes on, Amber will develop a healthy father/daughter relationship with John...and she won't need Bob...she doesn't need Bob now...she has you!!!!

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I'm so sorry. I feel so badly for Amber. It is just so sad that your stbx thinks it's more important to spend time with his "old lady-friend" than his gorgeous, sweet, adorable daughter. One day he may realize how much he's missed out on. It sounds like you had a great weekend anyway despite what a jerk he is.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

So sorry that your going through this. But I have to say that although I completely agree with the above posters, I think that most critical factor here is that your daughter has an absolutely wonderful mother and I believe that makes up for a lot.

I once heard a psychologist who was being interviewed say that if a child has a "good mother" its better than winning the lottery. I would say your daughter hit the "mommy jackpot."

HTH

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I'm sorry that you're going through this. He is an @ss if he wants to disreguard his own daughter...shame on him.

A 60 year old woman?? WT F??
I loved your comment about the senior discount...priceless.

We know that mothers do it all. You're a great mom and you've made the best decision for you and your daughter. Life is only going to get better for you and Amber.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

See, this just reiterates why you are not together anymore, among many of the other reasons!!!! He's a jerk.

I know how you feel though, my sons father couldn't be bothered with him for many years and if he was a girl he still wouldn't be bothered. (His words)
Not since my son was old enough to actually call him on his own did he make an effort for him.

I feel bad for Amber, and for you, because I've been a single parent, but it will only make the bond you already have even STRONGER.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I don't know the whole story but have you considered going to a therapist with him to discuss the transistion for your child? I know she is young but is he willing at all to work on being a PARENT to his child and learning how to co-parent with you? It is very unfair and it is soo crappy that he is handling it this way. Often people "forget" about their old lives and jusst try to have fun during a divorce. of course, children are very effected by that and it is truly is wrong.
HUGS.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Posted by Ambersmom

Posted by michele31

I don't know the whole story but have you considered going to a therapist with him to discuss the transistion for your child? I know she is young but is he willing at all to work on being a PARENT to his child and learning how to co-parent with you? It is very unfair and it is soo crappy that he is handling it this way. Often people "forget" about their old lives and jusst try to have fun during a divorce. of course, children are very effected by that and it is truly is wrong.
HUGS.

I don't think he's willing at this point to do anything that won't benefit him directly. He wasn't open to the idea on many occasions to seek counseling for the marriage, so I doubt he'll listen to reason as far as his child goes. He's been complaining of just "how much" he'll be drained financially when he has to come up with the whole $400.00 a month the support arrangement dictates.

But I've been actually running the idea of going to a therapist on my own because I can feel the rage towards him building and I don't know what to do with it. I know I'm not the only one that this has happened to but I would give my left arm not to see my child hurt This morning as we were attempting to get ready, she ran to him with a book in hand and practically begged him to read it to her. He blew her off and instead spent 20+ minutes on the bed cuddling with the dogs...the dogs are more important than his baby

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Sharon, you should talk to your lawyer about what you can to legally to record this stuff and present it as part of your custody case (if that's being worked out still). I'm sure a judge would be interested to see the reality of the situation, not the caring daddy that I'm sure is being presented in court.

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I am so sorry you are going through this

Re: This should probably be on the relationship board but it's a Mother's feelings...

I am so sorry Sharon. I think your STBX is missing out on such an amazing relationship. Amber is blessed to have you as a mommy. You really have her best interest at heart. I you for being such a wonderful MOMMY!!!
As far as Bob goes, I would try counseling for you. You need to get rid of that rage for him. That built up rage will only have a negative effect on you and you DO NOT need anymore grief from that man. If you ever need to get away, call me. We can get the girls together and have some quality girl talk.