To have another child or not

Has anyone had another child after their child was diagnosed with PDD/NOS or any ASD? We always wanted 4, but now I don't know what to think. So many things race through my mind. Is it selfish to even think about having another? I thought 3 was fine after the twins came (the little boy twin is PDD), but that 4th one still enters my mind.

Re: To have another child or not

I think it definitely is a personal decision. My DS is almost 3 and we only recently got his diagnosis. Before knowing for sure what was going on with him I wasn't positive I would ever want another. And now even while he's getting all of the help he needs I'm still not sure. I know that right now is not the time because he needs 1000% of my energy and I remember how hard it was having a newborn.

Then the thought always sneaks into my mind "what if our next one has Autism also?". Ugh. it's a never ending internal dialogue!

For you, it seems as though you're already familiar with the multiple child dynamic so adding a 4th might not be a difficult adjustment for you

Re: To have another child or not

We went through a very difficult time with baby #2.

It is still a very sore topic for me but I will share with you.

When we realized we had to call EI for DS, I had just got through an early miscarriage the month before. As DS was being evaluated and diagnosed, we were supposed to start TTC again. But honestly, I don't think I could have gone through a pregnancy as DS had just been diagnosed. It was a very emotional and difficult time.

We started EI and gave ourselves 6 months to revisit baby #2. 6 months came and we were just swamped in EI/therapies.

We went to a medical geneticist when DS was 2 yo. We were supposed to do so many tests on DS to find out the odds of having another child with autism. Both DH and I are older. In the end, we decided to spare DS from being poked and probed so we could find out what % of chances we would have. We thought it was unfair for DS.

After some serious soul searching, we DO know the odds are really against us. We are over 40 now. A child with autism. The odd are not good for us. So we decided last year to give up having our own biological children.

But after I sold most of DS baby toys, etc... I realized I still wanted another child. Or maybe the "idea" of a child. We decided adoption was the "only" option for us. We are in that step now. Adoption! Of course, we have not guarantees of any child we adopt not to have any "issues".

I still have fears. DS is so demanding. We are so sleep deprived. For the past 2 weeks, DS has awaken between 2am-3am until 5-6am. I am not sure how I will manage with a NB.

Sometimes I think I should just accept my life as is. But a part of me still want another child. I am still so conflicted.

Message edited 3/28/2011 3:24:00 PM.

Re: To have another child or not

I agree that it is a personal decision.

It took a while for me to even think about baby #2. Not just because of DS's diagnosis (he is also PDD-NOS) but also because I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood in the beginning and suffered PPD.

In the end though we really wanted more children. Of course the odds of another ASD baby presented a risk but it was something we were willing to deal with if we had to.

Prior to finding out we were having another boy I had secretly hoped for a girl so that our chances were lessened. I imagined feeling hopeless if it was another boy and really being sad. But when they told me I was having another boy my heart would not let me feel one bit sad or sorry for myself. I was given the gift of a baby and that was all that mattered to me

DS #2 is one month old. The fears are in the back of my head but I look at DS#1 and realize how much love I have for that boy and how special he is and I just have to remember that this gift of another baby boy that special is something I wouldn't give up for the world.

Time will tell what is in store for us but I have no regrets whatsoever.

Re: To have another child or not

its definately a personal decision, but for us, we wanted 2, whether it be 2 on the spectrum, one on the spectrum, one typical or whatever the case might have been.

i knew AJ was off at 6 months old, i got pregnant with Carmela when AJ was 14 months old, a month before EI was called. was a nervous wreck, of course, but whatever the case might have been it would have been.

i can tell you though when we found out Carmela was a girl, our fears decreased tremendously. but we knew we werent in the clear.

Carmela was born right before AJ turned 2, and at 3 months i enrolled her in Child Find where they came to visit every three months to make sure she met her mile stones. what was also great was that since AJ still had a year of EI, her first year was spent more or less in EI with AJ.

since we couldnt have baby toys (AJ would stim off of them) she basically grew up with big kid things, but reached all mile stones on time or before.

i was very worried she would need speech (she had 9 ear infections in 5-6 months and her hearing was at 10-15%) so i had her evaluated and she is at 24 months for speech and 22-24 months over all (she is 20 months old), so EI helped her a LOT.

ETA: AJ is autistic

Message edited 3/28/2011 6:06:24 PM.

Re: To have another child or not

We always wanted 3 kids.

Johnny, our first, was diagnosed mild pdd-nos at 2. At the time i was 6 months pregnant with our second son.

I had a lot of "what ifs" running through my mind but in the end took a leap of faith that whatever happened, was meant to happen. I knew i could handle 2 with pdd-nos but honestly at times would wake up crying wondering "could i handle anything more??". Its a scary time..

Johnnys diagnosis was dropped at 3.5 years old and he is doing wonderfully. Totally different child than he was at 2.

Ryan, our second son, developed completely typically. Actually very early. He was talking at 8 months, pointing at the same time etc...he is now 20 months and there are zero issues.

We will have a third someday, god willing, and all we can do is put faith in something more than ourselves that all will be ok. I have come to realize the strength we have as a couple and the obstacles we've faced together...I'd like to think we can get through anything.

Re: To have another child or not

I just want to thank each of you for sharing your story with me. Having just turned 36 I thought for sure I would be over having another child. I thought for sure after 3 I would say I'm done.

I do know is that I am very happy with my 3 babies even though the therapies for DS are draining and the future is so uncertain. But my mind wonders "what if" sometimes and then I think about adding to the family. I, like all of you, love these babies unconditionally.

A guy I teach with said to me out of the blue one say - "you must be very special." When I asked him what the heck that meant, he went on to say that he firmly believes that God gave my little guy to me because I would take care of him the best. I was so surprised and just thanked him. The more I think about it, the more I know he is right. That little guy and me were meant to be together.

Again, thank you for sharing. It really helps me to know I am not alone with my thoughts.

Re: To have another child or not

I just saw this...
My daughter was diagnosed as PDD-NOS about 7 months after my son was born. While he appears to be typical, we're still having him evaluated now that he's 3 by our district. I do think he's picked up on some of DD's poor speech habits.
We're on the fence about a third. I'm nervous about the risks between my age and the possible genetic component. But, I wouldn't change a single thing about my daughter and would feel the same if I was given another child with an ASD.