To tell family or not about TTC?

I was just curious how some of you have handled this. Personally, I have not told a soul that we are TTC. It's very hard for me to have people constantly asking me questions, and also I feel like since I have no idea how long this will take, I kind of want to avoid family / friends knowing too much...So, I guess my question is more how do you handle certain situations? For example, if you are at a family gathering, or out with friends, etc, and someone questions why you are not having a drink, what is your response?

I'm just curious, cause I know it's only a matter of time before this happens, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

Thanks!!!

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

Well, you really don't need to avoid alcohol until you actually get your BFP - so that's a bridge you can cross when you get there.

We didn't tell our families that we were TTC. We made an agreement when we first started that we wouldn't tell because we just wanted to come back to NY and SURPRISE be pregnant. When that didn't work out, we said we wouldn't tell until we needed to do IVF - so that is what we did. All of our appointments and treatments were just bewteen us until we began IVF. At that point, we told my parents. We still have not told DH's parents - only because that is what DH is comfortable with.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I agree with MAM.

I think TTC is a private journey that can stay just between you & DH. Plus, once you invite people into your business you'll get questions, unsoliicited advice and people tend to have loose lips when it comes to baby talk - i.e. "you know so and so are trying to have a baby"


You will probably be hit with the question "when are you two going to have kids?"
To which I always responded, " I Dont know, maybe sometime in the next year or so."

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I agree with MAM-you do not need to avoid alcohol or anything else right now until you get a BFP.

It is a personal choice. We told my parents, because they read me like a book and I also due to personal health issues, they are in the loop with my treatment and had to know that I was stopping certain dangerous meds to TTC.

My IL's-they have no idea, except for DH's SIL who spied on us when we rented from her and we have a secret of hers that we hold over her head to keep her quiet. (She's a gossip) The rest of his family will know when I am 4 mos preggo!


And there were many times where I went out and didn't want to drink. Just say you aren't feeling like drinking tonight, on antibiotics, or get cranberry juice and say you are drinking cranberry vodka. Just because you aren't drinking doesn't mean you are necessarily PG-I get migraines from drinking from time to time and I just don't feel like drinking.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

i agree with MAM too...

and i wish that my family and friends didnt know that we are TTC.. it just is more of a hassle and i get a ton of questions about it.. it makes it more stressful ..

i think you should be fine if you didnt tell anyone!

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

i did not tell anyone except my two closest friends that we were TTC before we had DS. i did not want the added pressure (DS was the first grandchild on both sides) AND i did not want anyone tell us that we should wait (we started TTC on the honeymoon).

i am glad we did not tell, and we won't be telling family this time around either, although some of my friends know.

amazing how i get less judgment from friends than family!!

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

With DD we didn't tell anyone we were TTC.

In TTC for a second DC, we again told no one in the beginning. After several months we did because of the MC, but that made it harder to continue TTC afterward because people kept asking-"how's it going? "Any news?" all that junk which just made it more stressful.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

Thanks so much!

For me, it really is that I know I will get incredibly emotional with family and friends always asking how things are going. Right now it's easy to dismiss comments with a simple "We aren't ready yet" and I am completely content with that. DH's family is huge - so I really don't want everyone and their mother (literally!) knowing our business. At first he didn't completely understand why I wanted to keep things hush hush, but I think he does now. My mom had 2 mc's between my brother and I, and I saw how upsetting it was to her, so I just can't imagine having a lot of people know about such a personal time.

As for the stopping drinking thing, thanks for confirming this! DH doesn't seem to want to believe me on this one so thanks!!

Thanks again - since I've decided to not tell anyone about TTC, this board really does make me feel like there are people that I can ask questions to

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

My parents are already deceased but I might have told my mom we are TTC. As for DH's parents we agreed not to tell them until we are pregnant and have our first doctor's appt.

I have told 3 of my close friend and thats it. But I get questions all the time fro friends, family and coworkers about when we are going to have a baby. I just tell them I dont know maybe in another year or so.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I told my close co-workers but made them swear a peep would not come out of their mouths. I threatened to cut them up and put them on the spit for Easter

I also told 3 of my friends who are in similar boats b/c I know they won't judge.

Definitely am not telling family until my first sono....i don't want to have a pity fest and tons of questions if anything happens you know?

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

We have not told any family and don't intedn too. Too much pressure!!! I did tell my two closest friends, though.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

we didn't tell anyone that we were TTC and didn't tell our immediate families until about 5wks. Now after the MC we are going to go about it the same way...maybe wait another week or so to tell immediate families. As far as friends and other family we are waiting until the end of the 1st tri to tell...

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I guess I'm the big mouth of the group. Our closest friends and our immediate families know that we're going to start TTC in the fall. Once we actually start, I don't plan on giving gory details.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

Personally I am not sure I would want to tell anyone..lol I stink at keeping secrets but all I could think about is if I told my parents were were TTC is that all you are saying is that you are BDing all the time!!! lol that is basically what that means..lol My friends watch me very closely. we haven't activly started but once we do I probably will do my best to not drink like crazy in the 2ww..I wouldn't want anything to happen due to my choices, but I am a big partier, so my friends will probably know right away! But I would hate questions, and if it took a while I wouldn't want them putting their two cents in!

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I think that the less people know -- the better, cause as time goes on, I've seen family members think that they have the right to tell people how they should have a baby and all that jazz.

When DH and I are back in the TTC ring, we plan on telling nobody. My mom slightly had an idea we were considering it before and she was asking questions and stuff immediately. Don't want that again!

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I told too...but not until after 2-3 months.

Most of the people who we know already have kids or are having difficulty TTC. I thought the open conversation (what a cute baby...how long did it take you guys?) brought us closer & gave us "point people" to talk to about issues. You have no idea how many friends opened up about IVF, trying for 4 years, ect. We have 6 couples that we know closely who had a really tough time. 2 recently had babies.

Going on 7 months doesn't feel so bad when you are not alone...

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

Personally, I don't like to share that kind of info with anyone. We never did when we first started TTC - then my first pg ended in m/c so the select few immediate family members that knew about that obviously then knew we were on a baby kick. With TTC for number 2 I'm not sharing either - people start to ask and I confirm I want them close in age but don't share much more. To me, it hate feeling like everyone's looking at me like, "I wonder if she's pg" if they knew I was TTC.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

If you have doubts, do not tell. Once you do, you can't really un-tell.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

Well we aren't telling anyone until there is really something to tell them.

"Mom, Dad, we are planning on having a lot of you-know-what, in the hopes we can give you a grandbaby" just isn't a sentence I'll be saying at sunday dinner.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

Dh and I said we wouldnt but when we decided to go to an RE that is when I told my mom only and made her SWEAR she wouldnt tell anyone!!! not even my dad!

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I drink during the 2WW so there is no way anyone would know that we are TTC. There are certain people that know and certain people that don't. I already have a son so people are kind of expecting that now would be the time to start trying for #2. If people ask I am pretty open about it but we don't usually go around volunteering the information.

The first time around we didn't tell anyone and none of my friends believed me when I told them I was pregnant.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

I personally wouldn't. As much as I would like to share that with them I know it would just make matters worse. They would constantly be expecting some sort of news and I just don't want to deal with that.

If we end up needing assistance we may share it with them then but as of now whenever they say things I just kind of ignore it.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?

We have not told anyone. We keep the answers to someday. People mean well but they stupid things. It has been about 5 months of TTC and no BFP yet so I am not really into hearing people and their opinions.

Re: To tell family or not about TTC?