Today was very hard

I don't know if people can relate, but after a very short time or raising our DS, I feel like I can barely handle him.

Today was awful, and I've had a rough day with DS. I love my son, I really do, but last night I got no sleep, today he has been crying nonstop and I could not figure out what was wrong with him. Even riding in the car didn't help--he just kept screaming. As I'm writing this he is still crying, and I feel like a horrible mother leaving him there, but I just had to take a break from him.

I really wonder at times if I'm up to this and if I can take care of him effectively. Today he cried, I cried (I cry at the drop of a hat these days), the house is a mess, I am a mess, and so is my child come to think of it.

DS is almost 1 month old, and for the most part, he's not a difficult baby, but days like today really throw me. I just don't know what to do for him, or how to keep myself going after awhile. Please tell me this gets better!

Re: Today was very hard

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Is he gassy at all? Maybe need to switch formulas?
Maybe he's colicky?


ETA: You are NOT a bad mom

Message edited 1/2/2008 6:04:57 PM.

Re: Today was very hard

It will get better...just hang in there.
Do you have a sling or a carrier? You could carry him around and swing and shush him, that might help. Get The Happiest Baby on The Block book. That helped me with my baby...he was miserable for six months...I held him (literally) for six months straight. So give it a go.

Good luck! It will get better!!!

Re: Today was very hard

The beginning is always hard, it will get better.

Re: Today was very hard

You are not a horrible mother. I think I can speak for lots of us when I say that having a baby and trying to adjust to life with DS was the hardest thing I have ever done!

DS is 4 months, and I am still trying to balance taking care of him with taking care of myself and the house! I will say that it gets easier each day that goes by!

Hang in there and know that you are doing a great job and that it will get better!

FM if you need to talk!

Re: Today was very hard

You are NOT a bad mom It is not easy when they cry like that you really feel helpless. DD had bad reflux and was colicky so I can relate. I found that you just try your best to hold them and comfort them as much as you can - and get help - my mom lives nearby and would come over and let me get stuff done for an hour or two after she got off of work - it gave me some relax time and DD some extra help.

Re: Today was very hard

Just know that it will get better! My DS was a DREAM when he was newborn, my DD- not so much. She was a good baby, but had more needs than DS. She needed to be held 24/7 and cried if she wasn't. I was so sleep deprived because she had her days and nights mixed up AND I still had to take care of my 18 month old during the day. Needless to say, I thought I was going to lose it, and constantly thought I was a bad mommy. BUT, it did get better, and it will for you. Hang in there!

Re: Today was very hard

It will get better. Maybe he's hungry? Have you tried increasing the amount you feed him?

I felt totally overwhelmed in the beginning and all of a sudden it just clicked.

Are you all alone during the day? Can you invite a friend over? It helps break up the day.

Re: Today was very hard

It's going to pass, it really will. The beginning is always hard!! You are doing a great job. Perhaps he is trying to adjust from the holidays? I know that DD is having trouble getting back into her routine too.

We're all here to listen! Forget about the housework, just take life day by day!! It gets easier!!!

Re: Today was very hard

You can do it, just hang in there. I don't even care anymore if the house is a mess, as long as I can find food and clean clothes

You were right to take a break, you need to for your sanity. I agree with calling someone to come over for a while. Even taking a long shower, uninterrupted might ake you feel better.

Re: Today was very hard

I think being alone all day is a big part of the problem for me. I just moved to my town and was too busy with work and commute before DS was born to meet people. My friends all work in the city during the day, so I can't really see them during the week, and my family is not in the area. When he's older, I'd like to look for a parent/child group ofsome sort, but he's too young now.

He's eating strangely today, an ounce and a half every hour or two instead of his 3-3.5 ounces every 3 hours. I'm not sure why he's eating this way, though he hasn't pooped lately, that could be the problem.

Thank you for your messages and reassurances! I am feeling like a lousy mom since I csn't seem to help him today.

Re: Today was very hard

You're doing a great job mommy...don't worry, things will definitely get better. I think we've all been where you are. I know I was. In the beginning she had her witching hour which was more like 4 hours & no matter what you did she'd cry at the top of her lungs...there were times I'd just be holding her hysterically crying. DH would ask why I left a cup on the counter & I'd cry. It also made it worse that I was home all day w/ her & felt like a prisoner in my house. I was afraid to take her out & yet felt stir crazy.

Yet then at 8 wks it was like a switch had been turned & she started sleeping through the night & the witching hour started to disappear.

She became an angel baby which is what she still is at almost 6 months. Hang in there, I know its not easy & at times you feel like its you against the world, but it will get better. We're all here for you too.

Re: Today was very hard

IT GETS BETTER!!!

DS was a very easy baby but i would also have days like this where he would cry a lot. Each time it actually happened to be related to the fact that he was hungry. Once I upped the ounces he would be better. Also, reading Happiest Baby on the Block helped because even though he wasn't colicky the techniques worked really well.

I often felt like a bad mom because I felt as if I couldn't take care of him. i still feel terrible about this but going back to work was the best thing I could have done. I miss him terribly but it was so hard being home with him day in and day out. And like I said, he was a good baby. Plus DH is a teacher and was home with me for the first 6 weeks so I wasn't alone.

Each month it gets easier. They aren't as needy as they get older. I think back to the first month remembering my anxieties and having in my mind that he would always be so small and dependent and thinking that I wasn't going to be able to do it. Silly, but in the midst of sleep deprivation and those darn hormones I convinced myseld that I was way out of my league. As he started to get how own personality and do stuff this all went out the window and I started to really truly enjoy playing with him and being his mother. And I learned that i can take care of him, better than anyone can. Oh, and sleeping through the night helps a lot too.

Everytime people ask me now when I want to have another I will still say to them that I would do it in a heartbeat if the baby could be born at 4 months old so we can skip the newborn part. Talk about feeling like I bad mother. I'm just being honest. Love him to pieces regardless.

But I'll repeat, it gets way better!!! Hang in there. Its normal. And I'm sure you're doing a great job. Sometimes you need to take a few minutes and get it out.

Re: Today was very hard

the first 1-2 months are soooo hard. i had a touch of ppd and that makes things aweful. i cried all the time! even when i laughed, i cried! it will pass and it will get better and easier for you. as for your ds, i'd give your dr. a call and see if there is a reason he might be crying so much (colic, gas, reflux, etc.). it's probably nothing but just in case.


have you tried "wearing" him in a carrier?

Message edited 1/2/2008 6:48:19 PM.

Re: Today was very hard

The beginning is very rough and it's much harder to figure out what is wrong with them.

Here are some things that worked for us:

Like Racheee said - get the Happiest Baby on the Block book. That was our savior in the beginning months.

Do you swaddle him? Maybe try swaddling him for naps?

If you think he's constipated try moving his legs back and forth - or giving him the Mylicon drops.

DS hated the car at that age too - but would fall asleep for walks in the stroller - it's so cold out so I doubt you want to go for walks outside - and you may not want to take him to a mall just yet to walk there.

Does he suck on a pacifier? That usuallly helps to soothe them.

Is he getting enough sleep during the day? At that age I know that Jack needed to nap alot more - but I was basically keeping him up when I was holding him all the time. When I got the Happiest Baby on the Block I was able to change things for the better.

I hope at least some of this helps for a little while to give you a break.

Good luck!

Re: Today was very hard

It will get better soon!

Maybe he's cranky because he's constipated? Try getting him to poop by putting the thermometer in his butt or giving him an ounce of water.

Re: Today was very hard

It will get better
The first 2 moths are the hardest but it will get better :)
My house is still a mess allmost 4 months later and I have learned to deal with it. :) when you get a free min you dont want to be cleaning you want to pee or have something to eat or drink. :) it will get better ;)

Re: Today was very hard

There must be something in the air...maybe it is the barametric pressure or something because I could have written your post word for word!

DS was so bad last night that I put him in the stroller and took him out at midnight! I thought I was going to loose my mind! Eventhough I was bleary eyed at work today, I was glad to not hear him scream!

My DC are now 3 months old and it is so much better in many ways then it was at 1 month! It does get better! Then some days it is HORRIBLE!!!!

My house is a mess too! I never have enough time to do everything I want to do each day!

You do need to carve out some time for yourself though! When DH gets home, take a nap...he needs to learn how to deal with the baby as well! Hell, I have started going to the gym for 40 minutes (that is a miracle!)

Re: Today was very hard

Welcome to the mommy club! It will get much better but unfortunately you will have some days like this. We all understand and we are here for you to vent to and get advice. I hope it gets better soon!

Re: Today was very hard

We all have those kinds of days...try to hang in there

Re: Today was very hard

It will get better...things that i have heard to help stop crying.....swaddling, baths, vaccuum, white noise machine...anything to help them feel like they are still in the womb.

good luck...

Re: Today was very hard

Thank you again for all of your posts--you all made me feel sooo much better! Many of you also made it clear that putting him down and letting him cry while I collected myself for a few minutes was not a bad thing--in retrospect, I think it was very necessary.

Today we have a pediatrician appt. anyway, so I'm going to ask her about yesterday. He still hasn't pooped, and I'm guessing he's really backed up. I tried the thermometer and vaseline trick which didn't work, but I didn't give him water. I'll try that this morning. Could be wrong, but maybe his formula is not working. I'm using Similac Advance with Iron, and either the iron or the cow's milk may not agree.

DH was wonderful last night. When he came home from work he took DS right away, then we moved the bassinet to the living room and DH slept on the couch and cared for DS while I got a full 7 hrs. uninterrupted sleep. I think that's a first since DS was born, and I feel like a sane, rational human being again today.

Also, I'll take a look at Happiest Kid--I heard of it, but never read it.

Thanks again for all the tips, reassurance and . I really felt like I was losing my mind yesterday, and it helped to know others have had similar experiences.

Re: Today was very hard

Posted by cjik

Thank you again for all of your posts--you all made me feel sooo much better! Many of you also made it clear that putting him down and letting him cry while I collected myself for a few minutes was not a bad thing--in retrospect, I think it was very necessary.

Today we have a pediatrician appt. anyway, so I'm going to ask her about yesterday. He still hasn't pooped, and I'm guessing he's really backed up. I tried the thermometer and vaseline trick which didn't work, but I didn't give him water. I'll try that this morning. Could be wrong, but maybe his formula is not working. I'm using Similac Advance with Iron, and either the iron or the cow's milk may not agree.

DH was wonderful last night. When he came home from work he took DS right away, then we moved the bassinet to the living room and DH slept on the couch and cared for DS while I got a full 7 hrs. uninterrupted sleep. I think that's a first since DS was born, and I feel like a sane, rational human being again today.

Also, I'll take a look at Happiest Kid--I heard of it, but never read it.

Thanks again for all the tips, reassurance and . I really felt like I was losing my mind yesterday, and it helped to know others have had similar experiences.