UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

Finally - a mom admits it :

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

I dismissed the article with this line:

"Two years and four months after Stuart was born, I had my daughter Jo. It may seem perverse that I had a second child in view of my aversion to them, but I believe it is utterly selfish to have an only one."

UK Mom says

People on this board have admitted they regret having their children. Thru anonymous polls, of course.

But I'm sure face to face everything is just peachy-keen.

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

I don't know one person who has felt this way, though I know the exist.

This is why you only have kids if you want them. It makes NO sense to bring kids into the world if you'll feel nothing but resentment.

Now that I think about it as I'm typing this...I do know ONE person who has admitted similar thoughts...my cousin who i don't see very often...she had kids because it was the "thing to do" after you got married. She loves her kids but I do know she feels stifled and resentful sometimes. I always wondered why she had two because after the first she felt this way

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

I would hate to be her children & read this article.
However, even before I have my first kid in a few months, I can kinda get what she's saying. For a long time I didn't want any kids either for the reasons she described.
But I've become a lot more excited about the idea of being a mother & attached to this baby so I don't THINK I'll feel that way, at least not to that extent.
But I'm still terrified that I will. I don't want to be resentful toward my kid or wish I never had him/her.

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

I'm replying here rather than the long post on FHF because this is kind of like...our safety zone as CFers...

I feel like this is kind of how I would be if I ever had a kid. I would regret it so, so much. My life would not just be completely altered...it would be over. This is the kind of mother I would be. And I don't write that out of fear; I know deep in my heart that it's true.

I'm not saying that I would forget the kid at the bakery or be so ambivalent about a baby being born not breathing...those are some scary things that she wrote about.

But the disconnect, the resentment, the lack of caring about doing kid stuff and just going through the motions of having a child and everything they need...yeah, that's kind of where I'm at, and have been, for my whole life.

Lucky for me, I found a partner who feels the same. Things were different back then for this lady, people just had kids because that's what you did. We have more choices now. I suppose that she wrote the article not just for herself, but in support of the CF community. Maybe not.

I feel badly for her children, kind of...I mean, in the description of their lives, they had a very hands-on dad who reveled in this stuff. Mom, not so much. To me, that' just a gender role reversal of what is typical in most households with children. I know a lot of people - adult children now, and couples with kids - where the mom was/is so involved and the dad kind of took/takes a backseat to things. I feel badly that her kids have this article written about them, no need for public shaming. But how can a person get a point across like this without expensing their family int he process? Which brings a person to...does this need to be written AT ALL? And I think it does. There are so many articles from both ends of the spectrum of CF and parenthood, but not many that are in the middle of longing for a CF life when you're a parent. I feel like it supports those that are more CF but find themselves on the fence due to family and society's pressure...which should have no bearing on whether a couple should reproduce.

I don't hate kids. I used to really dislike them, but then my niece was born and she changed me over from the "eww, keep that away from me" mindset to "kids are cool, I love when you can return them to the parents when you're done with them"...I'll never get to the "I want one" point. I'm learning how to be a good babysitter and am quite content with being the cool aunt.

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

My apologies for posting here (I am on a really long call and bored ) I found the article very interesting but I can't help but feel like she has some sort of personality disorder. Not necessarily because of how she feels but rather because her reactions to certain anxiety inducing events seems atypical. For instance, when she left her child behind at a store; I think even if it were a child free person who left behind their niece/ nephew/ friends kid/ student etc - most people would freak out because as adults we know the dangers that can befall young children left alone. Just like even if you are not having a baby but you hear that your sisters or friends baby is not crying at birth you worry.

I know I get nervous even when one of my dogs escape - so I cannot understand her reaction to potential harm occurring to a child.

Re: UK Mom says "Biggest regret was having kids"

Wow. It kind of reminded me of a colleague, who said and I quote:

"I love my boys but I would've been happy without them."