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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by Kidsaplenty
Posted by Jacksmommy
Posted by schmora15
Posted by nycgirl
Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.
I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.
You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.
Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.
Vaccinated kids CAN be exposed and carriers as well. That's why the OP is so upset. It's not like they are requesting no children. Just because a child is vaccinated doesn't mean they don't carry germs.
But having some vaccination is better than none at all!
You can still carry the virus on your hands, vaccinated or not. Vaccines are not some magic bubble that prevents a virus or bacteria from living on your skin.
You can always literally "carry" a virus particle on your skin. The thing is, viruses really don't live all that long and don't typically transmit that way.
When you are a "carrier", you are actively shedding virus, but don't look or feel sick. This is the way viruses are really spread: people are infectious before they know. (think of a healthy young person spreading HIV without a clue they are infected) Of course, when you have symptoms, you are infectious too, but hopefully you are not playing with a newborn.
Measels is infectious 2 to 4 days prior to the rash. The person spreading measels has no clue they are ill.
So... The likelihood of an immunized person being a carrier of an immunizable disease is far less likely (they are not replicating and shedding virus). It is possible if the immunization didn't take (yes, vaccines may only be 98% efficacious).
As far as seasonal colds, yes, there is no difference between immunized and non immunized kids.
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Posted 8/6/13 6:02 AM  |
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ReiRei13
Life is Good!!
Member since 1/08 6460 total posts
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
That is insanity! I am so sorry you're being treated this way. If anything, I'd worry about the newly vaccinated child who may be "shedding" near my newborn as opposed to the very healthy unvaccinated child!!
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| Posted 8/6/13 7:21 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
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| Posted 8/6/13 7:57 AM |
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LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by MrsS2005
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
I agree with this. You choose not to vaccinate, they choose to keep unvaccinated children away from their newborn. You both have to respect each other when it comes to your own children. They probably feel, better safe than sorry, and I am sure it was a hard decision to come to because of fear of being talked about, but it's their child.
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| Posted 8/6/13 8:15 AM |
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LittleDiva
LIF Adult
Member since 9/11 1284 total posts
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My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
their child....their rules.
i had people offended when i did not want anyone who smokes at my house for the first 2 months. i did not care if you didnt smoke all day, you were no where near my kid.
i didnt let any kids in daycare/school near my kid either.
oh well, MY kid MY rules. you are making a CHOICE and it may not be popular with everyone so you have to just deal with peoples choices.
and i dont think it is IGNORANT for people to feel that way. your child could have one of these illnesses and not know it for a couple days after they were around the baby! and i get it, apparantly everyone can 'carry' the illness, but more people are carrying these illnesses that have not been around in years bc kids arent getting vaccinated.
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| Posted 8/6/13 8:17 AM |
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LittleDiva
LIF Adult
Member since 9/11 1284 total posts
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My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
their child....their rules.
i had people offended when i did not want anyone who smokes at my house for the first 2 months. i did not care if you didnt smoke all day, you were no where near my kid.
i didnt let any kids in daycare/school near my kid either.
oh well, MY kid MY rules. you are making a CHOICE and it may not be popular with everyone so you have to just deal with peoples choices.
and i dont think it is IGNORANT for people to feel that way. your child could have one of these illnesses and not know it for a couple days after they were around the baby! and i get it, apparantly everyone can 'carry' the illness, but more people are carrying these illnesses that have not been around in years bc kids arent getting vaccinated.
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| Posted 8/6/13 8:17 AM |
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missfabulous
#mommyneedswine
Member since 6/09 10031 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by MrsS2005
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
I agree with this. I understand you are upset and feel very put off by your children being "disinvited". In the end, everyone makes decisions that they feel are best for their children.
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| Posted 8/6/13 8:23 AM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Message edited 9/27/2013 9:26:04 PM.
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| Posted 8/6/13 8:46 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Vaccinations do not prevent, lessen or shield a child from CARRYING a germ.
I am sorry you are going through this.. I'd be furious!
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| Posted 8/6/13 8:54 AM |
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Jacksmommy
My love muffin!
Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by LittleDiva
their child....their rules.
i had people offended when i did not want anyone who smokes at my house for the first 2 months. i did not care if you didnt smoke all day, you were no where near my kid.
i didnt let any kids in daycare/school near my kid either.
oh well, MY kid MY rules. you are making a CHOICE and it may not be popular with everyone so you have to just deal with peoples choices.
and i dont think it is IGNORANT for people to feel that way. your child could have one of these illnesses and not know it for a couple days after they were around the baby! and i get it, apparantly everyone can 'carry' the illness, but more people are carrying these illnesses that have not been around in years bc kids arent getting vaccinated.
It's not ignorant for someone to think that an unvaccinated child is more of a threat than a daycare child that is always sick? She posted that her kids were the ONLY ones not allowed at this 'event.' I think it's a heck of a lot more likely that the child that is always sick and goes to daycare is harboring some sickness that could be just a dangerous for a newborn (coxsackie, fifths, strep etc. etc.) as something the unvaccinated child could be carrying. I mean, how common is measles vs. coxsackie? I can understand not wanting vaccinated kids around a newborn but, if it's a LEGIT concern - they wouldn't want the daycare child there either quite frankly. So yes, I feel either they are idiots or trying to make a point quite honestly.
Measles is not as common now because of VACCINATIONS!!!!!! However, there have been recent measles outbreaks amongst people that are UNVACCINATED! Whether these people are trying to make you feel like an idiot or not, it is their house and their rules. If it bothers you, don't bring them around anymore!
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| Posted 8/6/13 8:57 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by PennyJ923
Posted by MrsS2005
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
I agree with this. You choose not to vaccinate, they choose to keep unvaccinated children away from their newborn. You both have to respect each other when it comes to your own children. They probably feel, better safe than sorry, and I am sure it was a hard decision to come to because of fear of being talked about, but it's their child.
I agree. You are both taking a stance and both of your stances can offend others.
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| Posted 8/6/13 9:08 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by Xelindrya
Vaccinations do not prevent, lessen or shield a child from CARRYING a germ.
I am sorry you are going through this.. I'd be furious!
There is a difference between "carrying a germ" and being a disease "carrier":
You can always carry a germ from improper hand washing. Seems like the family in question is less concerned about that.
Non-immunized people are MUCH more likely to become "disease carriers": that is be infected with a disease and be pre-clinical (show no symptoms). They spread these diseases. I'm only talking about the ones that are covered by immunization (NOT the "common cold"): measles (contagious at rates of 90% if you are in contact with patient and deadly to newborns), mumps, pertussis (there was an outbreak in my own neighborhood an school system and this ended up in hospitalization being super common for infants not too long ago).
Point is: YES. Non-immunized kids are safer around babies. Don't get upset just because these people are trying to protect their kid who they can't immunize yet.
Oh... and yes, you can't have a recently immunized kid with live vaccine around a new baby. I'd be concerned about that too. I postponed DS from getting the chicken pox vaccine until my DD was older.
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| Posted 8/6/13 9:11 AM |
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babycrazed
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/12 475 total posts
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My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
I would NOT knowingly allow any unvaccinated children around my baby either.
Call me ignorant, but no amount of data about how vaccinated kids could also potentially be carriers of diseases would change my stance on that. Yea, I wouldn't prefer to have ANY children around a newborn, but where i did make an exception for close family members' children after a few weeks of DD's life, I would not have made the same exception had they been unvaccinated.
So if I was having a party for another DC when DD was only 2 months old, I would (reluctantly) allow children to attend to celebrate with DC, but not those who are unvaccinated. The parents who had the right to choose to not vaccinate their child would just have to respect my right to not have unvaccinated children around mine.
Message edited 8/6/2013 9:20:22 AM.
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| Posted 8/6/13 9:15 AM |
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pinkiegirl
Member since 7/07 2160 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Sorry but I wouldnt want any unvaccinated children around my newborn baby either
Just like you think not giving your kids shots is best.. I think keeping my baby away from your child who doesnt get shots is best!
While you wouldnt knowingly bring a sick a child is irrelvant. For many diseases, kids are contagious even before they show symptoms.
These are diseases that kill children. Whooping cough kills babies.
I'm always surprised at this threads. I mean children literally die of preventable diseases every day. Vaccination is the best way to protect children from those diseases. JMO
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| Posted 8/6/13 9:33 AM |
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Pomegranate5
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 4798 total posts
Name:
Pomegranate5
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by MrsS2005
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
I agree.
And if they are first time parents I would cut them some slack. I would truly hope they made the decision out of genuine concern for their new vulnerable baby, and not out of spite.
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| Posted 8/6/13 9:38 AM |
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mommyof3girls
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 2773 total posts
Name:
Sue
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by FirstMate
I would not want unvaccinated kids around my newborn either.
Nobody wants their kids to not be welcome some place, especially a family event, so I can see why you are hurt. However, this is the choice you have made for your children and the reaction of your family is just fall out of that choice.
I totally agree with this.
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| Posted 8/6/13 9:57 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by MrsS2005
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
I agree.
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| Posted 8/6/13 10:09 AM |
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jams92
Member since 1/12 6105 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by MrsS2005
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
ITA with this
the baby is still very young and has a weak immune system. i hope once the baby gets older and vaccinated they will not exclude you from events.
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| Posted 8/6/13 10:48 AM |
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HeyJude
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 820 total posts
Name:
p
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Welcome to LIF, I hope you get the answers you are looking for.
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| Posted 8/6/13 11:03 AM |
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ReiRei13
Life is Good!!
Member since 1/08 6460 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Love this quote by Dr. Palevsky:
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| Posted 8/6/13 11:35 AM |
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by ReiRei13
Love this quote by Dr. Palevsky:
IMAGE
But the baby the OP is referring to ISN'T vaccinated yet, hence the parents' hesitation to have OLDER, non-vaccinated kids near the baby. They may very well be carrying KNOWN organisms.
As to the OP: you made a choice, as did the parents of the newborn baby. We all have to live with the choices we make and the consequenses they bring to us and our children. I don't fault you for your choices, nor the other parents for theirs. You each are doing what you believe is best for your child(ren).
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| Posted 8/6/13 11:45 AM |
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bpmom
Feeling Blessed
Member since 6/07 2963 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Like several PP have stated, their child and their rules apply. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, especially within your family.
But I would want to remind them that there will be unvaccinated children coming in contact with their vaccinated child(ren) and the parents will never be able to tell and how will they then police that rule they've set?
While daycares/nursery schools/public schools can mandate vaccines for attendance, there are exemptions allowed and no one needs to know who is exempt or why they've been given the exemption. So they may think their schools have strict policies that each kid is fully vaccinated, they'll never know if each kid is up to date on their shots.
Also, many places where children interact with other children do not require proof of vaccinations for participation: Churches, private playgroups, storytime at Barnes & Noble, playdates at the park, workshops at Home Depot/Michaels, karate classes, etc.
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| Posted 8/6/13 11:48 AM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by MrsS2005
I think you need to respect the parents' decision. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating, they feel strongly about vaccinating. I can understand their fears especially with a newborn. I'd actually try to be extra careful about any young children being too close to the newborn.
ITA 100%
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| Posted 8/6/13 12:00 PM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
Posted by BaseballWidow
Posted by ReiRei13
Love this quote by Dr. Palevsky:
IMAGE
But the baby the OP is referring to ISN'T vaccinated yet, hence the parents' hesitation to have OLDER, non-vaccinated kids near the baby. They may very well be carrying KNOWN organisms.
As to the OP: you made a choice, as did the parents of the newborn baby. We all have to live with the choices we make and the consequenses they bring to us and our children. I don't fault you for your choices, nor the other parents for theirs. You each are doing what you believe is best for your child(ren).
Agreed.
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| Posted 8/6/13 1:31 PM |
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contro
LIF Zygote
Member since 8/13 9 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.
I'd like to thank everyone who responded. In this mixed, mostly pro-vax community, I expected most of those fear-based responses. Nonetheless, I'm grateful for your contribution. After speaking with a few physicians and other families on both sides of the vaccine issue, my husband and I have formulated our opinion of this and we wrote a letter to our family members.
I'm saddened to hear that this debate in my family came down to vaccine status. I feel strongly about not vaxxing my children based on their allergies, their medical needs, and our family history of severe reactions. I would NEVER judge a family for choosing to vaccinate. There are a ton of reasons why having any child around a newborn is risky. And to me, it's simply not a vaccine issue for several reasons.
First, Regardless of vax/unvaxxed status...everyone of us has the same odds of being exposed. There are other ways to build immunity besides vaccines. But, the point is that my children have the same chances of other kids of being exposed to illness. Both sets of children will launch an immune system attack and be CARRIERS while their body fights off the virus. The difference (theoretically) is that vaccinated kids may not get the disease or may get a less intense version. It does NOT mean that they can not spread it simply because they are vaccinated. If its in their body...it's spreadable! As a result, my children are no more a risk to her than other kids. And in fact, mine are actually less of a threat because they won't present the newborn with the risk that a vaccine shed can offer.
Second....my husband and I live with our 'diseased' children and my inlaws are with them frequently. Our adult immunity to such diseases has lapsed over time. The same is true for most adults at the party. We could be exposed and be carriers without ever being symptomatic. So, in order to be completely safe, as they have expressed a desire to be, all undervaxed children and adults without boosters or titers would need to be excluded. Pertussis mirrors the sniffles and common cold in the early stages and yet, there will be people there with such symptoms just by virtue of it being a large gathering.
Third, there are a myriad of real illnesses (not possible ones) that permeate every surface of day care and early childhood social settings. Coxsackie, hand, foot and mouth, roseola, etc....all run rampant. These are a very real danger to a newborn.
After much thought about their retracting the invite...this is my conclusion.
If their fear was truly and solely one of contracting disease, then they would take the proper measures...which means excluding all children or keeping the newborn home. The fact that they singled out my children who are truly no more likely to be fighting off a vaccine-preventable-disease than any other child is not only totally illogical...it's discrimination. And it hurts that it's coming from a family member. It seems to me they are saying, 'we don't want your kind because you are unsafe'. I know their beliefs are based in ignorance and lack of education rather than malice. But in the end, ignorance should never be an excuse to uphold discrimination. Even if they are not "judging" per se, their 'separate yet equal' way of going about things is also a form of discrimination.
But thank you again for your comments.
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| Posted 8/6/13 1:47 PM |
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