Update On me (long)

Some of you may have noticed that I hadn’t posted any “update” threads in a while. When it comes to certain aspects of this journey, “mum” is the word out of respect to DH and our families. We all work at our own levels of comfort I suppose.

Fertility Friend told me to test on CD 26 which would have been 14DPO. I chose not to test because if I were to have gotten a BFN, I would have been miserable at a family event. I tested the next morning and thought I saw something faint. DH didn’t see what I saw so I waited until the next morning and clearly saw a line. I confirmed it later in the afternoon with a digital and proceeded to do the happy dance all over the apartment taking pictures of the tests and conjuring up a great way to tell DH when he got home from work (Which I actually did). The temps that morning were clearly above my cover line.

I was on cloud 9 for a while and maybe even tested again to know that my eyes weren’t seeing things. I went to bed and the temps were still high enough yesterday. I made an appointment to see Dr. Rosenfeld for the prenatal visit.

This morning, I woke up to see that my temps plummeted below the cover line and I freaked out. I got even more HPTs and did them at work. Then, I called the doc’s office to ask if there was anything I should do. I was asked if I had blood work. I hadn’t been told to get any blood work by the person I made the appointment with the day before. It wasnt his regular secretary. So I had to leave work as soon as I got there and go to a local Quest lab so that Dr. R could have the information he needed for my appointment today. I was able to go back to work though I knew something wasn’t right.

When I got there, Dr. R could not have been any sweeter. He came in after looking at my chart and my numbers and said that I was indeed pregnant and that was good news. Then he gave me the bad news. My HCG and progesterone numbers were VERY low and that my pregnancy is not a good one. I am likely to miscarry within the week. I sat there looking at his mouth move and my body was kind of frozen. I just wanted to keep it together long enough to write my co-payment check and leave so I could go home and cry.

So I know intellectually that getting pregnant was great considering my circumstances with IF and IUIs. I did not expect to get pregnant so fast and I do not think he did either as my chances were in the 5-10% range for each cycle. The doc did say that just because I am miscarrying this time, it has no bearing on future pregnancies – that my chances do not increase for it to happen again – this is simply not a viable pregnancy and could have happened to anyone. Again, he said my eggs were fine as is everything else and that it was great that I got pregnant so soon after surgeries as well as unmedicated IUIs. I now have to wait for the period/miscarriage to happen.

I’m sorry but this time, I can’t be full of positivity. I have already heard the “everything happens for a reason” speech and it’s like listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher talk. The proverbial candy was dangled in my face and snapped away and it flat out s u c ks. Right now I am cramping and extremely uncomfortable.

For those of you who FM’d me, I apologize that I was not forthcoming with information. I was not ready to share until and unless I was ready. I hope you understand.

Message edited 7/11/2007 8:09:09 PM.

Re: Update On me (long)

Re: Update On me (long)

I'm so sorry

Re: Update On me (long)

My dear friend, I am so sorry. Please know I am here if you need anything at all. You and Ed are always in my prayers and thoughts.

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I'm so very sorry for all you are going through...many hugs

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I am so sorry!

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Thank you for all of the support. In the TTC/IF game I was trying to stay as positive as I could and not feel sorry for myself. However, today, I need to get this sadness out of my system. I think I need a day or two to cry so I can move on.

The horrible part is that I dont know when this is going to happen.

Re: Update On me (long)

Many, Many, Many hugs . I've been there and I hate to say, what your going to hear a lot of, but the good news is that you can get pregnant. I have so many friends who are in their 30's and have had this happen. The good news is that they are all mothers now. Feel better and I wish you all the best.

Re: Update On me (long)

very sorry

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Oh Goldi, I'm so sorry

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Im reflecting and trying to find some light here and it is hard. But the first thing I realized is that temping and charting was a quintessential tool for me. Had I not used it, I may not have known I was pregnant at all. Analyzing my charts had me "in the know" beforehand (though in serious denial) and I guess that is a good thing. Once I saw that temp drop, the red light went off. I hate surprises and to me knowing what to expect, keeps me from undue anxiety despite how much it still su cks.

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I'm sorry...stay strong...

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Wow - I m not a long time LIFer but I have read your posts and felt I needed to reply.

I am sorry for your loss and having just gone through it am here to talk if you need to vent.

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Oh no, I'm so sorry. I wish you all the best.

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I am so sorry!

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I am so sorry and I truly wish you all the luck in the world in the future. I will keep my fingers crossed that your dreams come true.

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I am so Sorry.

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I'm so sorry Leslie. I wanted to FM you when I didn't see an update post earlier this week, but thought there was something you wanted kept private.
I know how hard it is to see the positive side, but the fact that you got pregnant is great, hopeful news. There are so many people on these boards that care for you and are here for you.

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I am so sorry for your loss.

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oh, Leslie, I am SO sorry... I know how long you have been hoping for this....

you don't always have to see the positive side of everything... take some time to cry and grieve, its ok....

I will keep for you... hopefully it will happen again very quickly and the next time everything will be right.

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I'm so sorry

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Leslie,

I am sorry that you have to go through this! I want to wish you the best of luck in the coming future!

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Many and to both you and Ed for this rough time. I wish you both nothing but luck and happiness in the future!!!!

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I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through.