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Jessica
I'm a mommy :)
Member since 1/06 7322 total posts
Name:
~Jess~
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UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
so, i come from an EXTREMELY strict family.Im the second grandaughter getting married.
My first cousin who got married abou 4 years ago got married at 22 to her first boyfriend of 3 years. They only saw each other every saturday for a few hours when they were dating since my uncle and aunt are very strict
fast forward to present day
My other cousin whos my age, 23, and the younger sister of my married cousin just got engaged recently. Shes been with her fh for 3 years and only would see him on her "allowed day" saturdays (the only day she's allowed out) and her curfew is at 11pm...Again shes 23 with a bachelors and masters and is stating law school in september
After months of saying she was going to do this, she finally did it last night. She went away for the weekend to visit his mother is PA. Now as they're staying there, they're in seperate bedrooms bc his parents are old school too
Her parents, my grandparents, her sis have all been calling her over 20 times already this weekend telling her she better come home, shes going to hell, shes a slut, shes going to get it, shes getting kicked out of her house....So now shes starting to feel guilty...
Am i being wrong by pushing her to stay and "experience life"  I mean shes visiting her fiance's mother, not in an orgy camp
Yes my parents were as strict with me but i "rebelled" at 18 so now they're much more lenient. Even though whenever i go sleep over Anthonys or go away with him, my mother prays for me  But i set them staright years ago or else id be in the same exact situation now
UPDATED
well shes on her way home now....
i think she should have stayed the whole weekend but she felt bad. I kept my mouth shut and told her whatever she does, ill support her...
To clarify, my family always threatens to kick their kids out, but they NEVER would. Its against "their beliefs"
anyway, what my cousin is scared of is her father hitting her, which im sorry but i had to but in and tell her if he tries to do that, just come to my house.....
Message edited 4/21/2007 10:44:45 PM.
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Posted 4/21/07 4:58 PM  |
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CowgirlChick97
Nike. Just do it.
Member since 5/05 3303 total posts
Name:
Brianna
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
woah!!!!!!!!!!
that is soo wrong for them to treat her like that !
and u arent wrong for encouraging her to do that-
my parents were also strict w/me-but not that strict!!!
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| Posted 4/21/07 5:00 PM |
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LUCY
I <3 Gabriella
Member since 6/06 1029 total posts
Name:
N
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
My goodness!!!
I lived with my husband for 2 yrs. before we married AND we bought a house together before being married.....
We also took MANY vacations together....
I guess I would have been the Jenna Jameson of that family....LOL...
I think your right.... she needs to take a stance.....
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| Posted 4/21/07 5:02 PM |
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Jessica
I'm a mommy :)
Member since 1/06 7322 total posts
Name:
~Jess~
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Posted by LUCY
My goodness!!!
I lived with my husband for 2 yrs. before we married AND we bought a house together before being married.....
We also took MANY vacations together....
I guess I would have been the Jenna Jameson of that family....LOL...
I think your right.... she needs to take a stance.....
i think they consider me nd my siblings porn stars too
its a topic that i know they talk behind my parents back that they "allow" me to be my own person
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| Posted 4/21/07 5:04 PM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Are you prepared to take her in if her family is not kidding and does indeed kick her out?
If not, I would not encourage as much.
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| Posted 4/21/07 5:10 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
thats crazy.......if that were my cousin i would def encourage her to experience life, shes a grown adult! with a curfew???
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| Posted 4/21/07 6:55 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
i dont know if i would say encourage her or stay out if it... i just know i feel bad for her!!!!
on one hand i too am like hell yeah, go experience life (if you call sleeping over your FMIL house 'experoencing life') but i also dont want her parents to get mad at YOU.
eta: i am 23 also and i dont know what i would do if i was in her place.
has she looked into moving out yet?
Message edited 4/21/2007 7:13:11 PM.
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| Posted 4/21/07 7:12 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
wow this is a tough one. I have to agree with Deb - don't "encourage" but "support" her in her decision.
Trust me, my parents are pretty strict - not THAT strict, but even though I am 24 I know there are certain things that really would end my relationship with them, so you don't want to be responsible for that.
good luck!
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| Posted 4/21/07 7:28 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
I agree with Deb too. I would probably play it neutral. Listen to both sides complain but without offering advice unless it's how to mend fences.
eta.. What worked for you may not work for her.
Message edited 4/21/2007 7:32:46 PM.
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| Posted 4/21/07 7:32 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Wow, sounds like my husband's family. I say you're doing the right thing!
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| Posted 4/21/07 10:10 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Posted by Tilde
wow this is a tough one. I have to agree with Deb - don't "encourage" but "support" her in her decision.
Trust me, my parents are pretty strict - not THAT strict, but even though I am 24 I know there are certain things that really would end my relationship with them, so you don't want to be responsible for that.
good luck!
ITA. If they kick her out or disown her, you don't want that on your head. Be there for her if she wants to talk, but I wouldn't encourage or discourage.
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| Posted 4/21/07 10:25 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
wow- I have never heard of any one being treated like that at 23 and it's the guys mother she is marrying- it's not like she is getting wasted in cancun - flashing the girls gone wild camera!
I would stay out of it- but I think she needs to do something to rebel and take a step away from this- it isn't normal to treat your daughter that way- esp. one that seems to be doing everything right- where is the trust?
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| Posted 4/21/07 10:32 PM |
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Jessica
I'm a mommy :)
Member since 1/06 7322 total posts
Name:
~Jess~
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
updated
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| Posted 4/21/07 10:45 PM |
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bklyngirl
COULD THIS BE MY YEAR??
Member since 6/05 15758 total posts
Name:
Gail
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Posted by Jessica
anyway, what my cousin is scared of is her father hitting her, which im sorry but i had to but in and tell her if he tries to do that, just come to my house.....
she's lucky to have u to support her
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| Posted 4/21/07 10:47 PM |
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MrsT
Enjoying wedded bliss.....
Member since 4/06 1323 total posts
Name:
Katrina
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
At 23 She is a grown woman and treating her like a child will only make her move out ASAP.
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| Posted 4/21/07 10:48 PM |
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MrsT
Enjoying wedded bliss.....
Member since 4/06 1323 total posts
Name:
Katrina
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Posted by Jessica
UPDATED
well shes on her way home now....
i think she should have stayed the whole weekend but she felt bad. I kept my mouth shut and told her whatever she does, ill support her...
To clarify, my family always threatens to kick their kids out, but they NEVER would. Its against "their beliefs"
anyway, what my cousin is scared of is her father hitting her, which im sorry but i had to but in and tell her if he tries to do that, just come to my house.....
That is a totally different story. She is lucky to have your support.
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| Posted 4/21/07 10:49 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Posted by Jessica
anyway, what my cousin is scared of is her father hitting her, which im sorry but i had to but in and tell her if he tries to do that, just come to my house.....
I totally agree with you. That's not something I'd want anyone getting used to.
I think you handled it perfectly.
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| Posted 4/22/07 7:48 AM |
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princess99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3944 total posts
Name:
ME
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
I feel bad for your cousin and her situation. She has to deal with the ramifications in the end, not you, or any of her friends. Lots of things go on behind closed doors that people do not know about. I think he is abusing her emotionally and G-d forbid physically. Unless she is ready to move out and be under her own roof, she has to abide by there rules. I feel very bad for her and she should get herself into some counseling ASAP.
This is just my honest opinion and I did not mean to offend anyone. Here are some hugs and prayers for her. 
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| Posted 4/22/07 8:04 AM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of this
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| Posted 4/22/07 8:23 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
Wow! I feel bad for your cousin. I can't imagine being threatened to be kicked out of the house whenever I disagreed with parents. That has to be tough. Its almost like his love is contingent on her behaving in according to his values. 
You handled it well. I just feel so sad for your cousin.
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| Posted 4/22/07 8:27 AM |
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bklyngirl
COULD THIS BE MY YEAR??
Member since 6/05 15758 total posts
Name:
Gail
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
how is your c ousin doing
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| Posted 4/22/07 8:43 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
I have to say I was raised the sa,e way, but I did rebel. In college I visited FH a lot, and I told my parents I was staying in a girl's room. Although they did torture me with phone calls I never came home early. Infact when I stay over FH's house now (I'm 25) I still get the same thing, but I've learned to just ignore it. I realyl feel for her though, that can be an enormous amount of pressure.
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| Posted 4/22/07 9:00 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
I think you did the right thing. 
I hope she's OK when she gets home.
I grew up in the same kind of house.
When I was 21 and practically (but not technically) engaged, I wanted to go on a trip with Rich...my parents FREAKED and lectured me on having respect for myself and my family, etc..trying to persuade me not to go....
Well I went anyway...and we've gone away at least 6 times since, and they just have to deal with it.
Although I never slept over his house - it didn't make sense, we're only 2 miles away from each other.
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| Posted 4/22/07 9:21 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
You handled it well....while I feel bad for your cousin nothing will change as long as she complies with her parents ridiculous demands
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| Posted 4/22/07 9:28 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: UPDATED 04/21 AT 10:40PM...Am i being wrong by encouraging her??? long
That's really horrible--I have to say if her father beats her she should really do anything she can to get her own place. That is disgusting that he beats his 23 year old daughter.
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| Posted 4/22/07 9:30 AM |
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