We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

Rich ate with his family, I was at my Grandmother's, 30 minutes away.

The plan was that Rich would leave his house after they ate, come pick me up, stay for a few minutes, and we'd head back to his house for dessert.

When he got to my Grandmother's, he told me that we had to hurry back because his family was leaving shortly (they're much older than my family, we don't see them enough)...

So we left my Grandmother's and went back to his house for pumpkin pie (blech.)

Bottom line: I didn't eat dinner. My family was running late, his was running ahead of schedule, and all the running made me miss Thanksgiving.

So now I'm in my bed crying because I feel like I had the worst Thanksgiving...I was only with my family a short time, I didn't eat ANYTHING, and I feel like Rich couldn't compromise to let me stay a few minutes so I could eat something with my family.

I don't know why this is such a big deal, but I really feel like I've had my worst Thanksgiving ever.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

I undertand completely. My parents are divorced so we have 3 to juggle. This was the first thanksgiving in the 8 years we've been together that we didn't have to bounce to multiple places and it was bliss.

We've decide to put a limit on the multiple locations in one day because it puts such a stress on the day especially if schedules do not work out like in your case today. From now on we'll try to rotate years or see other "sides" of the family on different days.

I'm so sorry you had such a bad day. I wish I could make it better.

Message edited 11/23/2006 10:43:44 PM.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

We actually ask our families to coordinate meal times....kinda selfish I guess but it works...One eats late one eats early...so we split the time and usually have 2 dinners

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

Posted by beautyq115

We actually ask our families to coordinate meal times....kinda selfish I guess but it works...One eats late one eats early...so we split the time and usually have 2 dinners

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

That stinks. When my parents and in-laws lived here, we used to eat at one and dessert at another. We always did it that way.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

This is why I hate the holidays. Once you are married it gets worse because then you are married and you are "expected" to be together. DH and I do our own thing. I know people look at us like we are crazy but we don't have kids and I won't get ojeda about it anymore. He went to his dads house (his stepmon was POed that I wasnt with him) I went to my parents house. I slept well with my decision and that is all that counts.

Just remember do what makes you and Rich comfortable. If you don't want to separate, alternate houses each year. It is the best you can do. Remeber you will not please everyone. :)

Message edited 11/24/2006 9:20:25 AM.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

I alternate each holiday seperatly and I dont really budge. Last year we were with my IL's this year we were with my family. For christmas we will be hosting it but last year I had it but only my side but we were with my Il's for christmas Eve. I think that is the only way you can do it and dont deviate from it. We use to do the sharing and it is horrible.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

I know exactly what you mean-unfortunately DH and I got into an argument about the very subject yesterday and I'm still PO'd

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

We used to share the holidays and it was so annoying. We changed that once Jacob was born. Now we do one year with my family and the next year with my DH's family...

It works out so much better when you only have to go to one. I think this is the only way to go...

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

We would do brunch at one family and dinner at another - with a few hours in between. Then we would alternate the next year. That always seemed to work for us.

Next year - you're going to have the best Thanksgiving ever- not to worry.

Message edited 11/24/2006 9:34:31 AM.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

We split it up...Thanksgiving his mom's, Christmas Eve my New York "family".

It is much easier because my biological family (besides mom & dad who are deceased) don't give a hoot if I am dead or alive! It's funny because they are insane, so I don't care either way. I have a great "family" here in NY who luffs me!

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

Posted by EmilyAKAMrsK

We split it up...Thanksgiving his mom's, Christmas Eve my New York "family".

It is much easier because my biological family (besides mom & dad who are deceased) don't give a hoot if I am dead or alive! It's funny because they are insane, so I don't care either way. I have a great "family" here in NY who luffs me!

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

Posted by atracinact

Posted by EmilyAKAMrsK

We split it up...Thanksgiving his mom's, Christmas Eve my New York "family".

It is much easier because my biological family (besides mom & dad who are deceased) don't give a hoot if I am dead or alive! It's funny because they are insane, so I don't care either way. I have a great "family" here in NY who luffs me!

Don't forget your SOCAL surrogate family loves you too

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

We have never really had this problem exactly, but we are starting to now. We've always just gone to every holiday with my family, so they expect us to be there.

DH's mother lives in Florida and she is into making holidays into whenever we go down (sounds good, but really is annoying). But we want to see DH's SM and his siblings (who are 15, 13 and 11) and NOW DH's sister wants us to go to Baltimore to see them!

At least my family is all in one place!

Anyway, my DH's work schedule made it this year so that we couldn't go ANYWHERE for any holiday. So, my SMIL and the kids came over for dessert last night and we will see my parents on Christmas Eve and then SMIL in the evening on Christmas Day. THEN my cousins are coming on December 26th for a "cousin's party" for Christmas.

Mainly, you need to find something works for your FH and yourself. Everyone needs to understand that you have a lot of people to see and if that means one year eating dinner with your family and dessert with yours and then flipping the next year, then so be it.

Next year I have put my foot down and everyone has to come here. We will have a 6 month old baby and no one else in our family has a baby, so whoever wants to come, can.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

For Thanksgiving we generally do a breakfast/brunch with my parents, and dinner with my MIL. It usually works out good - I hate to run around during a meal itself. This year we got lucky and MIL had other plans, so we were able to stay in one place the whole day.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

Thanksgviing we do dinner with my family and dessert with his.

Xmas eve his his family, Xmas with mine.

Easter we usually split.

My mom is a restaurant manager, and she works thanksgiving and easter and has xmas off. It works out well for us -

you guys will work out what works best for you.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

Posted by beautyq115

We actually ask our families to coordinate meal times....kinda selfish I guess but it works...One eats late one eats early...so we split the time and usually have 2 dinners

Message edited 11/24/2006 10:15:51 AM.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

I'm sorry yesterday was so stressful and disappointing. The one benefit of being far from family is that we've never had to do multiple locations in one day. Both my brothers do that with their wives, and it's hard. Being near family means you're expected to see everyone on every holiday.

I don't know if it will work for you, but DH and I alternate the holidays- we have to because no one is nearby. Last year, Thanksgiving was with my family and Christmas is with his. Then this year Thanksgiving was with his and Christmas is with mine. I don't know if your families will understand you not seeing one family at all, but maybe it's worth a try. There really are no easy answers.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

I am sorry, I know the feeling , especially when families live close together, it is logical that they would think you can hit both houses.

We did when we were dating - now that we are married, we pick one house on christmas and christmas eve and stick to it

thanksgiving , we stopped by to say hello to in my in laws - and then went to my house to have dinner and dessert

next year we will reverse that

Message edited 11/24/2006 10:51:35 AM.

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

I agree with coordinating times. We do holidays together now, but when we were engaged DHs family always started early and then he'd come to our house for a later dinner - he always had two t-day dinners that way!

Re: We really need to figure out how to split these holidays.

this is why we never split up days

since thanksgiving and christmas are so close

we do thanksgiving with my family

then we do christmas eve with my side and christmas day with hers

no splitting and everyone gets their time