"... well then you're not ready for marriage"

I was having a conversation with my hairdresser about marriage. I was talking about how I am not planning on merging bank accounts anytime soon - and that FH and I will keep our individual savings account while splitting household costs.

Her response: "Well then you're not ready for marriage"

What is that about? Does getting married mean you have to give up your financial independence? I haven't been able to stop thinking about this all week.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Your hairdresser sounds like an idiot.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

thats an incredibly rude statement to make.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

I don't think so. We still have seperate accounts. He pays half the pills and I pay the other half.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

DH and I were married for 2 years before we combined out accounts and we only did so because we bought a house and it would just be easier for the mortgage payments, etc.

Do what's right for YOU - there are no "rules" for this stuff

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

thats crap if you ask me!.. my FH and i have a joint account that we put small joint stuff in but we still have our own accounts and plan to keep them after getting married i dont think theres anything wrong with that. my parents have one joint and then seperate. and they have been married 30 years so i doubt it makes a difference!

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Everyone has an opinion - I wouldn't worry about it. A lot of people (myself included) don't understand why a married couple wouldn't merge finances. I see that as an intricate part of becoming one family unit and sharing your life. But if that works for you and your FH (as it does for many couples), it's nobody's business how you manage your money.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

This always turns into a hotly debated topic on here for some reason.

It seems there are two schools of thought:

1. The we've married and now we share everything, which includes all our finances school.

2. The we share the bills we need to share and we keep our own separate accounts school.

I'm of mind #2 and have been accused in the past (on here) of not really wanting to be committed to my relationship and trying to hide things from DH.

It seems hard for each side to see the other's side for some reason.

Tell her you'll be happy to merge accounts but her tip will be cut in half.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

You should never give up your financial independence. Even if you, eventually, have a joint account, you should continue to have your separate account. Back in the old days when I got married, you immediately had joint accounts. While I am not complaining and it worked just fine for us, hindsight is 20/20. You should have your own retirement account, bank account, 401K and anything else you can think of. Being financially savvy makes you better prepared for marriage than walking into it blind.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Well, I should have been divorced 3.5 years ago then! We still have our separate checking accounts (although now as a SAHM, mine's just about run out ) as well as joint savings.

How dare this woman insult you like that!

Message edited 11/6/2007 9:00:44 PM.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

I would never think that having seperate accounts would mean you aren't ready for marriage.
Everyone has a different opinion on this and if it's what works for both of you - that's what is important.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

we've been married just over 2 years and we have seperate accounts as well as a joint account for house stuff. my mom always told me to be prepared to take care of myself, and not count on a man, because yo never know what will happen... so i like knowing that i have my "own" money... it also comes in handy when i go to buy him gifts, i don't have to worry so much about "hiding" it.... i think the important part is being able to communicate in your marriage and come up with a plan that works for both of you...

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Um my parents were married for 49 years. They had some separate accounts for tax purposes and mom ALWAYS kept a stash that Dad did not know about or have access to. I don't think they were ready for marriage either.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Message edited 11/14/2011 9:56:16 PM.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

I agree with the school of thought someone mentioned above - that your hairdresser is an idiot to have said that. She probably never had a bank account of her own to manage so she is all too eager to get her hands on her spouse's.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Thats why I don't talk when I am getting my hair cut.

Re: "... well then you're not ready for marriage"

Sorry that was rude and none of her business what you decide to do with your FH regarding $.