Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Honestly, I don't think I'd say ANYTHING to ANYONE about it. Just bring her and arrange for babysitting there. It's NO ONE'S business if you're paying for it. That's my opinion. You have a family and you need to do what works for you.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Message edited 2/8/2007 12:40:40 PM.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

What about if you fly down your babysitter and the baby on a separate flight and set her up in her own room? No one would really know she's there with the baby. I, personally, think it can be done so that no one knows the baby's there. It sux to have to do that, but if you're really stuck, you can pull it off.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

This is your career and Gadi should understand that. It's not a vacation; it's a business function. If he can't take time off from work or just HAS to come with you, he has to face the facts that the only other alternative is having someone watch her. I don't understand why he always gives you guilt about fulfilling your responsibilities. This is one of the sacrifices he has to be willing to take if he wants to be married to a woman with a successful career. I know for a fact that if Joe had a business function or vice versa that one of us would stay home with the baby unless we had someone else to stay home to watch the baby. It sux that you can't take advantage of a free trip for him, but he's just going to have to **** it up. You're already on mommy track with that position and unless you're willing to make yourself look even worse, I'd go on that trip. Just grin and bear it (and ENJOY IT). Yeah, it sux and yeah, it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense since Gadi would be watching the baby while you were doing your business things, but they've told you straight out that things are the way they are. Do NOT push it or bring it up again. He has to understand that not every place of employment is as lenient as his is. You have enough guilt without getting more from him. I love you which is why I'm being so harsh. Sorry you have to be faced with these decisions. Being a working mommy is so hard.

Message edited 7/14/2006 10:32:31 AM.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

It may not be right, and it may not be fair, but I agree with the people who say insisting on taking the baby, especially after they told you it would not be appropriate would be very bad for your career.

The firm is not telling you that your husband has to come, they are inviting spouses. In thier eyes, if you don't have babysitting, he stays home with the baby. I think your husband needs to let you make what you think is the best decision for your career, since he is not involved in the politics and the dynamics of what goes on in your professional life.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Posted by Susan

This is your career and Gadi should understand that. It's not a vacation; it's a business function. If he can't take time off from work or just HAS to come with you, he has to face the facts that the only other alternative is having someone watch her. I don't understand why he always gives you guilt about fulfilling your responsibilities. This is one of the sacrifices he has to be willing to take if he wants to be married to a woman with a successful career. I know for a fact that if Joe had a business function or vice versa that one of us would stay home with the baby unless we had someone else to stay home to watch the baby. It sux that you can't take advantage of a free trip for him, but he's just going to have to **** it up. You're already on mommy track with that position and unless you're willing to make yourself look even worse, I'd go on that trip. Just grin and bear it (and ENJOY IT). Yeah, it sux and yeah, it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense since Gadi would be watching the baby while you were doing your business things, but they've told you straight out that things are the way they are. Do NOT push it or bring it up again. He has to understand that not every place of employment is as lenient as his is. You have enough guilt without getting more from him. I love you which is why I'm being so harsh. Sorry you have to be faced with these decisions. Being a working mommy is so hard.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Personally I think the firm is being ridiculous and I would tell them you are bringing your daughter or just bring her and not even tell them. It's not their business if they aren't paying any expense for her. I have to side with your DH on this one. I think its horrible how working mom's get treated and get little consideration for their desire to be a mom and have a career.
I know you're going through a lot of BS right now. I hope things get better and smooth out.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Posted by Shellyesq

Posted by Susan

This is your career and Gadi should understand that. It's not a vacation; it's a business function. If he can't take time off from work or just HAS to come with you, he has to face the facts that the only other alternative is having someone watch her. I don't understand why he always gives you guilt about fulfilling your responsibilities. This is one of the sacrifices he has to be willing to take if he wants to be married to a woman with a successful career. I know for a fact that if Joe had a business function or vice versa that one of us would stay home with the baby unless we had someone else to stay home to watch the baby. It sux that you can't take advantage of a free trip for him, but he's just going to have to **** it up. You're already on mommy track with that position and unless you're willing to make yourself look even worse, I'd go on that trip. Just grin and bear it (and ENJOY IT). Yeah, it sux and yeah, it makes ABSOLUTELY no sense since Gadi would be watching the baby while you were doing your business things, but they've told you straight out that things are the way they are. Do NOT push it or bring it up again. He has to understand that not every place of employment is as lenient as his is. You have enough guilt without getting more from him. I love you which is why I'm being so harsh. Sorry you have to be faced with these decisions. Being a working mommy is so hard.

I agree with this. This is a work event and you definitely need to show that you can be a mom, and a devoted employee too. I would tell him that HE HAS 6 months to come up with an alternative. If he doesn't (and you don't)- then he will have to stay home with the baby. This gives him some control over the situation.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

You're going to have to get your DH to stay home with your child. There is no other alternative. He is being pig headed about the trip and demanding you go to your new bosses and demand that you are allowed to take your baby. This is not a family vacation.

He is putting you in a very difficult spot. He is not being fair at all to you. He is reading this whole thing wrong.

Tell him that you will not bring this up again to your boss. End of discussion.

Then go plan a family vacation.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

They may have said that people don't bring thier children becuz he may think you might be distracted and you might have to bring alex with you all the time. I would stillbring Alex and bring a babysitter along they can't do anyhting to you for that. The company didn't pay for your child to come and is not payingfor a babysitter your still doing your job and your at ease cuz y our child is with you.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Beth - so sorry

I understand your hubby not really getting it. I worked in corporate America while my husband owns his own business. They're soooooooooo different and it was always hard for him to understand where I was coming from.

That being said, bringing Alex isn't an option. Its true that if you walk on that plane with her every person on there is going to be taking note. Then the other parents of young ones on the plane are going to be upset b/c they left their kids while you have yours with you.

Unfortunately many companies are not "family friendly" and its getting worse. I wish I had a magic solution for you b/c it upsets me that working parent has to deal with situations like this. We're taught that family should come first but in today's working world it is just not the case.

I hope that you find a solution to this

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

I would really try to get DH to stay with the Baby. If he says no, then i wouldnt go. I definetely wouldnt bring the baby on the trip.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

What a difficult situation to be in.... It's a shame that a working mom sometimes has to make decisions like this. Do not bring Alex with you even if you have a sitter. The last thing you want to risk is someone finding out that you did bring her after they told you no.

I think you are at a crossroads right now..... Maybe you should really take the time to think about if this new organization is the place for you. I would just plan on going and maybe start putting feelers out there.

Shame on DH for giving you so much flack. My DH came from a social service background (prior to law school) and he never understood the late hours or obligations I had for work.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

It sounds like your DH is having a tantrum over feeling like he will be missing some fun. Since you will all be going on the same plane, everybody will know if you bring the baby. This is not wise (IMO) since you already asked and were told no. If you hadn't asked, it might be a different story. I think you should plan on going and if you can't find a friend or somebody to watch the baby for you, DH will just have to stay home. Plenty of wives have missed business trips because of having to care for children. If DH really feels that he will be missing a big deal, you could schedule your next vacation to be in Jamaica so he can see what you saw.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Posted by Karen

honestly, I worked for one of the large CPA firms for over a decade - bringing a child to a firm function would have been career suicide.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Posted by Princessmaris

Can you make nice with someone @ Alex's daycare???

Maybe they'd be willing to watch her for you for a few days....

I would find out about bringing her.... just because "people dont bring their kids" it dosent mean they are not allowed to....

Maybe if there is a young girl at Alex's daycare or one of the workers can rec'd someone... you could bring her along- make her the nanny for the few days....(One lucky nanny )

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Posted by nrthshgrl

It's not discrimination - it's business. If this were me, I would go along with the idea of the January trip & see if I could arrange for care. You never know what will come up in six months.

I would not ask the firm again about taking children since they were about it. If you do, you're going to be mommy tracked (not sure if you care about that or not). I wouldn't ask my DH to stay home either. Part of business is having that spouse along with other spouses.

It's four days - and while you can't imagine it leaving her now -- it could do wonders for you to get that break. Get involved with the moms at your daycare, the daycare teachers and see if there is anyway to work this out.

My mom has watched four kids for a week for my friend. There are people out there that will do it. You just need to find them.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

I agree with those that say that your DH is being a little difficult. The fact is, you work, have a good job and with that job comes some sacrifice and understanding that business functions will come up. I would not bring it up again with your company and accept that it is simply not appropriate to bring your baby. As wrong, insensitive as it may be, it is the way it is and your company has the right to make the rules they make.

My solution would be, DH will stay home with the baby so you can attend your business meeting. Yes it is a vacation meeting, but again, that is the choice of the company. It could have been 4 straight days of meetings in a conference room, but it just happens to be 4 days in Jamaica.

If you can't find a reliable sitter, than I think you should go solo and get Mr Mom on board.

Re: What do I do? Need advice.

Well, we had a huge fight last night about this issue, and were barely speaking today. So, I wrote him an email today explaining that he's putting me in a very difficult position, that yes, the company policy s*ucks, but there's nothing I can do about it, and that it's just a bad situation and he shouldn't blame me for it. So we talked tonight and he's still angry but he's slowly getting over it. Then, of course, he drops the *bomb* that maybe he'll take Alex to Israel with him to visit his family while I'm in Jamaica. Um, yeah, whatever, you're not taking my daughter to Israel while WW3 is taking place within 30 miles. I don't think so!

But, being the merry wife I am, I said, "oh, really"... I'll fight one battle at a time

I've been so depressed the last two days over this, and a big part of it is that I"m realizing truly how difficult it is to be a successful working mother. My mom did it so well that I thought it was painless and easy, but then again, she was a professor - out at 3pm everyday, summers off and all the breaks. It's just not fair that for any other profession, as in the legal field, it has to be such an immense struggle and conflict of interest to be a woman, a good, SUCCESSFUL employee and a maintain a happy family. It's just so depressing...