What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

I got married over the summer and as I'm sure many of you know - and all can understand - it was really hard not having my mom there. Couple that with the fact that my MIL & FIL were not the least bit compassionate and that made it even worse. Some horrible things were said. At one point I was asked why I'm so miserable. I said it was because I miss my mom and she's not here.

Here's the most horrible thing that was ever said to me. My FIL said it.

"People die. Deal with it."

I'm having such a hard time getting over those words....

Then, two weeks before my wedding, DH's grandma died. We were in the car coming home from the funeral and as usual, his parents and I were bickering about the wedding...their own fault for bringing it up when they did.

Finally FIL says, "geez...can't you see MIL is grieving here?" I looked him straight in the eye and said:

"People die. Deal with it."

It went right over his head, but I didn't care. But even so, it still hurts me a lot.

Message edited 12/22/2006 9:22:23 AM.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

"why isn't your mother here wedding dress shopping with you?"

um- let's she b/c she died 3 months ago- and this was at a very "high end" wedding dress on the mircle mile

it was also a place where they wouldn't let me try on a $7K dress- b/c I told I didn't want to go higher then $3K

trust me- 3 months after your Mom dies and you are planning a wedding- chances are you can get your Dad to agree to just about anything if he thinks it would cheer up for 30 seconds

needless to say I didn't buy anything- despite her desparte atempts to win be over- even telling me her Mom died also-

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

One person actually said she was JEALOUS because I experienced a loss she hasn't experienced yet and she didn't know what it would be like.


No one close to her has died and she didn't understand the mourning/grieving/paying respects aspect of death let alone what it felt like to permanently lose someone.

Message edited 12/2/2006 1:35:59 PM.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Message edited 12/3/2006 10:53:47 AM.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Posted by muchinluvmichi

Posted by RandJ0806

I got married over the summer and as I'm sure many of you know - and all can understand - it was really hard not having my mom there. Couple that with the fact that my MIL & FIL were not the least bit compassionate and that made it even worse. Some horrible things were said. At one point I was asked why I'm so miserable. I said it was because I miss my mom and she's not here.

Here's the most horrible thing that was ever said to me. My FIL said it.

"People die. Deal with it."

I'm having such a hard time getting over those words....

o..m..g..im speechless..i dont blame u for not getting over those words cause u kno what I DONT like ur FIL just for saying that to you and i dont even know him!!!!
how dare he! im so sorry, please dont let it get to you, pple do not think! one day when he passess u can say that at his funeral does ur dh know he said that to you?

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Posted by Beth1210

"why isn't your mother here wedding dress shopping with you?"

um- let's she b/c she died 3 months ago- and this was at a very "high end" wedding dress on the mircle mile

it was also a place where they wouldn't let me try on a $7K dress- b/c I told I didn't want to go higher then $3K

trust me- 3 months after your Mom dies and you are planning a wedding- chances are you can get your Dad to agree to just about anything if he thinks it would cheer up for 30 seconds

needless to say I didn't buy anything- despite her desparte atempts to win be over- even telling me her Mom died also-

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

My dad had to go in ahead of time and explain the situation to them. He actually did that with every vendor.
:


after the dress thing- we started telling everyone we met with that also- it just made it easier

it was a tough time for us- it was so soon after she died

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

I don't even know what to say to that except people don't always think before they speak. I am so sorry you had to hear that especially before your wedding.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

I have been told..
" It has been ( fill in the blank) many years- get over it!"

Thisis mentioned when someone will say what is wrong, and I keep it to myself mpstly - and when I mention it which is not very often, someone had the NERVE to say that to me.
DH got 3 weeks after his Mom passed
" Want to compare sob stories......: THE NERVE!!!!!!!!!!

Message edited 12/14/2006 6:59:03 AM.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

People just have no idea how hurtful their words are. Unfortunately, you just don't know how hard it is until you have to live through it.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Someone actually said that she thought death was a beautiful experience. I don't remember if she was aware how closely the timing was to the death of my parents, but my response was "clearly you haven't experienced the death of someone close to you yet. Do you still have both of your parents?" Yep, she did

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

It was not what someone said but what my mom's cousins did. When my mom was dying in the hospital, DH called them and explained everything to them. They only leave about an hour away from us and they never came to see her and say goodbye. One cousin actually told DH, that she could not cancel her trip even if my mom passes away (which she did). So after the funeral mass, they all cried on DH's shoulders thanking him for doing everything he could for their cousin. That just ****** me off.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Posted by dpli

Posted by nylisa

It was not what someone said but what my mom's cousins did. When my mom was dying in the hospital, DH called them and explained everything to them. They only leave about an hour away from us and they never came to see her and say goodbye. One cousin actually told DH, that she could not cancel her trip even if my mom passes away (which she did). So after the funeral mass, they all cried on DH's shoulders thanking him for doing everything he could for their cousin. That just ****** me off.

I had a similar experience with 1 or 2 family members. It really bites

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Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

my father passed away in a car accident 2 years ago. My sister-in-law sees that I am down, especially now near the holidays, and says your not over it yet. I could not believe it.

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When I returned to work after my dad died in 2003 the first person I saw asked how my mom was handling things.... she died in 1989! I know this person did not mean anything negative, she was trying to be concerned... but it still hurt very badly. I actually did not make it through that first day back... I left early

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This wasn't said to me but when my brother died many people who also suffered a similar loss called to speak with us. One woman whose son died several weeks beforemy brother did told us that at her son's wake someone said to her "well atleast you still have two other children" How can people be so cruel????

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Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

These people are so horrible.

Recently a family friend died tragically. he fell from a 15th story balcony. At the wake, his mom's neighbor was walking around asking all of the relatives "come on, tell me the REAL story." and they told the deceased's mom "Well his blood can still be tested for drugs or alcohol, it's not too late"

Can't they let people bury their son, husband, father in peace?

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Message edited 12/22/2006 5:59:37 PM.

Re: What Is The Most Horrible Thing Someone Has Said To You?

Most recent thoughtless remark from MIL:

"You're lucky because you don't have to worry about splitting the holidays"

CONTEXT: conversation about how her daughter wasn't coming to Thanksgiving because her and her husband were agruing about who's family to go to this year.

NOTE: My dad died at 51 years old - 5 years ago and my mom lives in a group home because she's not well and we have no relationship. I'm an only child to boot and I just had a baby 10 months ago (so the wounds re-opened with the birth of my child).

I though it was a very insensative remark....

I wish that I could argue about how to split the holidays. I wouldn't call my situation LUCKY.

Message edited 2/26/2007 10:39:51 PM.