what to do - bridesmaid related

So a friend of mine who just got engaged and is getting married 1 month before I am due, just asked me to be in her wedding!!

We have been great friends since college and I had a feeling she would ask me when the time came for her to be married, but obviously this couldn't be worse timing. I was just dreading going to a wedding in Maine being 8 months pregnant and now possibly being a bridesmaid too?

I don't know what to do!? She told me she totally understood if i said no and I hate to admit that I'm thinking about saying no. I want to be a part of her special day, along with my other good friends, but I know I will most likely be uncomfortable that whole day and I know the responsbility that comes with being a bridesmaid. Plus the expense!

What would you do?? TIA!

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

the only way i would do it is if it was my absolute best friend or a relative...

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

How far away is the wedding in Maine? I really dont know... I'm currently planning to be a bridesmaid at 36w3d. We live in the city and the wedding is on LI...

We also have a family wedding OOT when I will be 32w3d (a flight away). DH is best man... I'm undecided whether I will go. It will depend on how I feel as it gets closer...

what are you leaning towards?

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

I would decline being a BM because you just don't know how uncomfy you could be at that point.

Maybe ask her if you could do a reading during her ceremony instead of being a BM, so that you are still involved?

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

I keep going back and forth. Although it may sound silly, I want to be included in the day because we are such good friends. I would really love to just say yes, but everyone around me here keeps telling me to say no. Plus I don't know if I can see myself standing up there looking like a beach ball! LOL

Another friend who is in the wedding suggested that I just get a regular maternity dress in the same color, instead of having to get a bridesmaid maternity dress. The bride hasn't said how she felt about that.

I have a feeling she will include me in another way. I just don't know how. I know she isn't in a rush for me to answer just yet. So I'll give it a few more days. DH doesn't want me to because that means I leave him behind while I'm busy with the bride and he doesn't really know anyone else invited to the wedding.

The wedding is in Wells, Maine. It's definitely a drive!!

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

How good of friends are you with her?

My friend was in my wedding end of October and she had her baby Dec 17th. She was not the most comfortable but we have been friends since 1994

She was also in her other friends wedding as matron of honor on Dec 5 and gave birth on Dec 17th~!

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

She is 1 out of 2 of my best friends from college. We have known each other for 13 years. And the only reason she wasn't in my wedding was because I kept it small with just family. Otherwise she would have been in it!

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

Before even considering, I would ask the dr. if he/she thinks it ok to travel to Maine at that point in your pregnancy. Would you be driving? How many weeks will you be?

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

at 8 months im so tired, cant imagine being in a wedding right now. I'd bow out. I had to say no to being a bm in a wedding right before my due date and the bride totally understood.

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

i thought about talking to my doctor, but she is such a good friend there is no way that i won't go to her wedding. i would be traveling with DH. So he would be doing the driving. Plus I was debating taking the ferry to CT to cut out some of the driving/being stuck in a car!

i'm going to take a few more days, but i know the best answer is probably to say no and i know she will understand. i just hate to not be in it. at least i'll be there! (hopefully anyway!)

thanks everyone

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

I would definetly plan on going to the wedding, but if I was able to opt out and not be a bridesmaid - than I would chose that road.

A) at 8 months pg - I would want to pick a maternity dress that I was totally comfortable with, and fit me well.

B) I wouldn't want the extra pressure of being in the party - but moreso hanging in the background IF need be.

but thats just me :)

congrats - it is a nice honor to ask.

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

I am currently a maid of honor in a wedding 5 hours away. The wedding is not even a month after I have the baby but I will be traveling there a lot for dress fittings and parties while I am still pregnant. The bridal shower i will be 38 weeks. Although its not ideal and something I really want to do I love her and will be there.
If you are even considering saying no then I would not do it.

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

well my MOH was 9 months prego at my wedding, and she was a trooper dancing and all...
this may not be the norm soo i would say ask your friend if she would be offended if you said no...
im sure she would understand...
does she know you are prego now? or have you not come out yet?

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

My BFF was in our friends wedding at almost 8 months preggo. She looked great. She felt bad saying no and ultimately was happy she was in it.

Your friend said she would understand so I would do what feels right for you

Message edited 3/7/2011 6:43:28 PM.

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

That's tough. If it were a wedding locally I'd say do it. But I am 33 weeks pregnant now (with twins) and I can say whole heartedly there is no way I'm traveling anywhere for anything until after these babies are born.

Re: what to do - bridesmaid related

I would do it. I was MOH at 20 or 22 weeks far away and was totally fine. I would not have hesitated saying yes for anything less than 36 weeks because I was so honored and she was MOH for mine!