When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

My DD is almost 7 weeks old. I do love her, but I feel like I should be totally in love with her.

The thing is Im not. This mommy thing is so hard. I feel so trapped all the time. It doesnt help that she is a difficult child. She doesnt nap/sleep well, which in turn makes her cranky. I cant leave her in her bouncy or swing for long periods of time because she cries and fusses if i dont hold her. I hate to have to hold her every minute of the day.

I wish i enjoyed her more and i feel totally bad that when i look at her i dont have that deep love for her.

Did anyone have this problem? I feel like im the only one. I feel like Im rushing her into getting bigger so i can have more interactions with her and so she can grow out of this crankiness and seem more like a happy child.

I dont think im that depressed because im not crying all the time. My DH kinda feels the same way, which doesnt make it better.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

PP depression doesn't always feel like a depression.. it can be overwhelming. please get help. talk to someone!!!

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

It definetly hits everyone differently. Talk to someone that can help you get through this. You may not be able to do it on your own, and need to do it for her sake and the sake of your relationship with her!



p.s. Just because you don't physically "cry" - don't discount that it might not be depression. It comes in ALL stages!

Message edited 3/17/2007 8:42:10 AM.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Honestly, I knew I loved Andrew right away but it was weird. I was just going through the motions. Making sure he was fed, etc.

I never felt this overwhelming sense of "I love him so much it is insane". And the only reason I cried was because my bbobs hurt not because of having just had a baby.

I really didn't sit back and "enjoy" him until almost 2 months.

Message edited 3/17/2007 8:44:23 AM.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

I was going to say around 3 mos. Then much more fun even at around 5 mos and on when they start to be able to interact with you.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

The way you are feeling sounds very similar to how I was feeling with DS. It WAS PPD, and I waited much too long to get help because I was convinced that I wasn't actually depressed. I encourage you to talk to someone, so that you know whether it is actually PPD, which you can get help with. That being said, newborns are cute, but they take a lot of work.....on very little sleep. I don't think I really enjoyed my kids until they were 3 months. A friend told me that every 3 months (3, 6, 9, 12) until one year, things get better and you enjoy DC more. That was definitely true for me.....at least at 3 and 6 months.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

I would definitely say around 3 months is got a lalot better. At 8 weeks it got somewhat better but 3 months was a big mark. I really felt connected to her and was upset not to be with her. I mean when she was younger I wanted to be with her, but at 3 months I really really started to enjoy her. Maybe because she could interact with me then.

But I agree you should talk to someone. It just helps to get your feelings out there and feel validated.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Hang in there. I felt the exact same way, but i don't think i had PPD. It's kind of like you wait 9 months to have them and then there here and they kind of just sit there...no smiling, no laughing, no nothing and you do so much and get no sleep. It's a huge change in your life.

I know i for one thought once they got here it would be like having a baby like you see on TV. I had never even thought about the newborn stage.

It starts getting better around 3 months. I found it got really good at 4 months...that is when they started smiling, playing and sleeping through the night. It was a HUGE change and it was exactly how i thought it would be right after they were born.

Hang in there...the first 12 weeks are hard for any mother. If you really feel sad or depressed I would talk to someone. It might be PPD.

I also cried A LOT! I mean A LOT. I was overwhelmed with two and my entire life changed. It took awhile for me to adjust, but anything could set me off like an article of clothing not fitting or spilling some formula on the counter.

So you are not alone.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

I would definitely talk to someone. I hope it gets better for you.

I felt a disconnection from my girls, because they were in the NICU for two weeks, however, once they were home I had an instant bond, because they were home.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

I also feel like my relationship with my son changed dramatically at around 3 months -- before I felt like I was giving, giving, and giving -- he could give back very little. When he started smiling all the time, laughing and clearly connecting and responding, things got a lot different. It's normal to feel overwhelmed in the beginning.

ETA: I felt guilty for weeks because I didn't instantly fall in love with him the minute I saw him -- I felt like he was a stranger when he was with me in the hospital. I started talking to other moms and realized a lot of people had had the same experience and that there was nothing wrong with those feelings.

Message edited 3/17/2007 10:16:50 AM.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

I am totally feeling the same feelings right now. I feel horribly guilty wishing the time to go by so I could interact with DD.

I think it is because this is the all work stage. Nothing really rewarding about changing diapers or feeding a baby, especially when they get gassy and cry for hours and then work up an appetite to eat again.

I'm with you in these feeling!!

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Personally I don't think you are depressed, I simply think that having a grumpy newborn is a miserable experience. Torture really. It isn't easy dealing with such a needy and unpredictable being that doesn't give you a break or care about your feelings in the least! And your are expected to love a blob right away? I don't get it.

The good news is that it does get much much better. As others have said, 3 months was a very big improvement -- although falling head over heels may take a bit longer, when she finally starts to be more of an interactive person.

You aren't the only one. I hated being a mom in the beginning.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Not sure if you work or not but when I went back to work it actually alleviated some of my feeling "trapped". I love dd to death but when we were sitting in my house all day long it was no good for both of us. I tried going to stores etc...it just didnt work. Now that I am back working and she is in daycare for 4 hrs it feels so much better. We have much better quality time then just lounging around. I am not saying you need a job if you dont have one but maybe you can find that time for yourself like I did.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Message edited 3/17/2007 1:07:13 PM.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Right away! even with the sleepless nights the fighting to BF.
I think its different for everyone. I couldnt wait to have this baby, we tried for almost a year. I would say at this age 11 weeks old she is cooing and smiling so much that my heart melts even more.


edited to say, I just read some more of the thread and since my baby is not grumpy I cant relate. she doesnt cry at all just to eat/wet.

Message edited 3/17/2007 1:19:59 PM.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

I could have written your post exactly when Ava was the same age, and infact, I think I DID write the same post. It got better once we learned Ava had a milk protein allergy and was crying all the time because she was in pain. Between that and getting help for my PPD, I'd say around 7-8weeks we saw a big change in her, but it wasn't really until she started smiling and responding back in some way that I felt totally, and completely connected to her. I still stand by the fact that it's incredibly common that women do not have an instant bond iwth their baby. How can you fall inlove with someone you don't even know? Only time can do that for you. And when you have a baby that CONSTANTLY needs you, it makes that process so much harder. Now, I am so inlove with my daughter that it takes my breath away. It will happen, I promise.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

OMG!!! THIS WAS ME EXACTLY..so no you arent alone...i know people say this..but it does get better. in fact im trying for another..LOL.my dd is 8 months..and was a total nightmare from birth until 5 months..my favorite time started at 6 months..dont get scared..every baby is different.but have you talked to your dr? maybe she needs to switch her formula. i felt so guilty in the beginning because i feel like i had nothing nice to say about my dd..people asked me how she was and i just sighed and rolled my eyes..this is normal..from what i hear..lol..but if you need to talk or have questions..please ask..sometimes its good to just FREAK OUT..as for a schedule..you dont get that until about 4 months. so you have to stick it out..it will pass..and you and dh will get somewhat of your life back..what helped me and dh was driving around to get dd to sleep..(sux) also baby mozart music..trust me..it worked for my dd..hopefully it could work for you..please just fm me if you need any help!! good luck

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Posted by prncssrachel

I could have written your post exactly when Ava was the same age, and infact, I think I DID write the same post. It got better once we learned Ava had a milk protein allergy and was crying all the time because she was in pain. Between that and getting help for my PPD, I'd say around 7-8weeks we saw a big change in her, but it wasn't really until she started smiling and responding back in some way that I felt totally, and completely connected to her. I still stand by the fact that it's incredibly common that women do not have an instant bond iwth their baby. How can you fall inlove with someone you don't even know? Only time can do that for you. And when you have a baby that CONSTANTLY needs you, it makes that process so much harder. Now, I am so inlove with my daughter that it takes my breath away. It will happen, I promise.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

I can't really relate either, like Girlygrl33 said, because Steven has been an Angel baby since day 1. But there were times that I still felt like I was getting no rewards. Steven started being alert and responsive very early, around 4 or 5 weeks, so that is when we really started to have fun.

I agree with paulette also that now that I am back at work I have much more QUALITY time with DS.

I highly recommend reading "Secrets of the Baby Wisperer." I am reading it now and I realize that I followed the E.A.S.Y system automatically sice that was DS's routine. (Eate Activity Sleep You time). There are also lots of tips in the book about overstimulation and over feeding, etc., which are all things that can make a baby cranky.

Hope you feel better.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Posted by pmpkn087

I can't really relate either, like Girlygrl33 said, because Steven has been an Angel baby since day 1. But there were times that I still felt like I was getting no rewards. Steven started being alert and responsive very early, around 4 or 5 weeks, so that is when we really started to have fun.

I agree with paulette also that now that I am back at work I have much more QUALITY time with DS.

I highly recommend reading "Secrets of the Baby Wisperer." I am reading it now and I realize that I followed the E.A.S.Y system automatically sice that was DS's routine. (Eate Activity Sleep You time). There are also lots of tips in the book about overstimulation and over feeding, etc., which are all things that can make a baby cranky.

Hope you feel better.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Posted by alex7-2
ya know..the more i hear about good babies it always seems to be a boy.. my sil has twins and her boy is an angel..so funny.i need to get myself a boy.

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??

Posted by pmpkn087

Posted by alex7-2
ya know..the more i hear about good babies it always seems to be a boy.. my sil has twins and her boy is an angel..so funny.i need to get myself a boy.

Yes, everyone needs a little boy

But, him being so good makes DH and I worry about having another baby. What if they are the total opposite

Re: When did you really start to enjoy your newborn??