When does it get easier?

Mom died almost 7 weeks ago. I had it together, at first, I really did. There was so much to be done, and then there was holiday shopping and all that and I tried to give myself stuff to look forward to. But now... every time I have a free minute to myself, I think of her. And not the good things; the terrible things. Her last 2 months were excruciating - she was so young, but wasted away so quickly, until her last 2 weeks when she was delusional, so thin, her real personality coming and going, and had lost control of her bodily functions. It was scary, and sad, and gross, and pathetic, and I see it every time I close my eyes. People tell me it will get easier, and that "time heals all wounds." Is that true? When will I remember my real mother?

I feel like I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in a month.

Re: When does it get easier?

i am so sorry for your loss...
its so hard to remember the person as they really were, not how they were right before they were sick.

my fil literally detoriated before our eyes and it was really sad and sickening to watch. his last month was the hardest-i saw a man with a thick, full head of hair to almost nothing it was really depressing...i know when i try to think of him, i still think of his last month, but i try to look back on pictures of him when he wasnt sick and happy n that sort of helps.
he also passed in front of me-and i really really HATE to think of that.

im so sorry again.

Re: When does it get easier?

I'm so sorry for your loss!

I don't have any words of wisdom...but I plenty hugs to spare.


I have loss both of my parents, i know some of your pain.

Re: When does it get easier?

Message edited 1/30/2009 10:48:46 AM.

Re: When does it get easier?

My Mom died Dec 21, 2004, and buried Dec 24th Xmas Eve. It has been very hard on me, does it get easier, not really you learn to cope with it a little better. The miss is so great, but look at this way you will have your own guardian angel. My mom is mine, and there is not a day that goes by I don't talk to her everyday.

Re: When does it get easier?

I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself plenty of time and plenty of permission to grief and be sad. The first year is soooo difficult. I am coming up on my mom's 2 year anniversary and it is still very difficult. But, it is easier then that first year.

Re: When does it get easier?

Im so sorry for your loss, sounds like what I went through with my mom, she died jan of 03 and I still break down and cry every now and then, I dont think you ever get over losing your mom, you just get used to it, (if that makes any sense) as time goes on the hurt gets easier to deal with....

Re: When does it get easier?

First off, I am so very sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 7 years ago this month. She had gotten sick and then was just gone, all in the span of 6 mos so it was hard to adjust to at first. I think perhaps what you are experiencing now is the shock wearing off and reality coming back. I think that happened about 2 mos after my mom died and it took me another 3 or 4 months to adjust. Some days were easier than others. If you have a good support group around you, don't be afraid to lean on them when you need help. Something that also helped me was going to a few bereavement sessions with others who had lost a parent. It does eventually get easier but it's never easy.

Re: When does it get easier?

i'm sorry for your loss. i can tell you from experience you will always miss her but it does get easier to deal with day to day stuff. just know that she's with you every step of the way.

Re: When does it get easier?

I am so sorry for your loss. It does get easier. When? That I wish I could tell you.

After my father passed away someone said to me "Time heals all wounds" and I asked them - but what heals time?

As much as the horrible stuff continues to come up - the wonderful and happy memories will continue to push through.

Re: When does it get easier?

I just wanted to tell you that i'm sorry for your pain. I'm in tears reading this. I lost my dad 12 years ago now on March 30th and I miss him terribly. The pain will always be there but you will learn to cope with it and the memory of her will live on in your heart always.

Re: When does it get easier?

So sorry for your loss. I experienced the same you are feeling after my dad suddenly got ill and passed away 6 weeks later. At first, its utter shock and disbeilief which is given a little relief with all of the busy work and distractions that go on with the funeral, etc, the holidays. When all of that passed, for me, it got harder before it got easier. Its still hard...I'm actually still full of anger for what happened to my family. But time does make it easier...and you'll find happiness again soon. I used to think, what is the point of all the joyous occassions in life without my dad. Then you get better every day and realize the best thing to do is remember the great life they lived and the great times you had together.

Re: When does it get easier?

Dava - I am not sure if you remember me, i was jboothin2008 on LIW and we talked infrequently, but I remember you ... and I am so, so, so sorry to hear about this. It breaks my heart. I pray that things get better for you every day.

Re: When does it get easier?

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the responses. I'm surprised that they kept coming, but unfortunately, so many of us have experienced something similar though.

It's been just over 3 months now and I'm at pretty much the same place I was before. I'm fine for 3, 4 days and then I'll see a woman my age shopping with her mother at Macy's or something and just break down. And don't even get me started on "American Idol"... when a contestant does well and calls their mother to tell her they made it to the next round... so stupid, but it makes me cry every time! Like, when I have great news, who is going to be that happy for me? So stupid. But still, I guess only feeling that way once or twice a week means I'm handling this pretty normally.

Thank you again, so so much. I'm sorry that so many people have faced something similar, but I'm grateful that you have shared your experiences with me.

Re: When does it get easier?

i lost my father at 56 years old, 5.5 years ago and to be honest, in my opinion, it doesnt get easier, it just is different as time passes. At some point, you realize that no matter what, they arent coming back and no amount of tears or anger or reasoning can change that. I have learned that the sooner we can recognize and accept this, the easier it is to deal.



For me, I still dont think it is 100 percent real (even 5.5 years later). The hardest part for me is that I was 19, almost 20 when my dad passed. I was going into my sophmore year in college and I was at the selfish stage in life where you dont really let your parents in. I feel as if I never got to know my dad (as an adult). I only had a child/father relationship with him and I think that has been the hardest part for me. I get signs from him, there is this one song that we heard on the way to his funeral and I still hear it often in the strangest places, at the strangest times. I know that it is him reminding me that he is ok and so am I and so is my family.

I hope things start to look up for you! Keep in mind that she will always be with you in your heart.

Re: When does it get easier?

I am so so sorry for your loss. It'll be 2 yrs since my Mom passed (suddenly in her sleep) and to be honest, I find it to be harder sometimes than it was in the beginning. hang in there

Re: When does it get easier?

It's so fresh yet, give it time, your poor mother was suffering and I am sure she didn't want her family to see her like that. It never gets easier you just seem to learn to cope a little bit better. My Mom passed away 2004, buried Xmas Eve, the entire ordeal was devastating. She missed seeing both me and my brother getting married. but she is still in my heart I talk to my mom everday, that makes it still real. Just have Faith, and everything will fall into place....