Why do I feel this way

When I started teaching a few years ago, I worked with this wonderful woman, who is now a really good friend of mine. She has 2 kids and last year suffered through 2 M/C. Yesterday I got an email with her telling me that she is pregnant. She knows that I M/C because I called her- wanting comfort since she had been through it all. She and her husband are the nicest people in the world, but I just can't bring myself to call her I feel so awful, I just can't do it. I know she probably understands, but I feel like a terrible person.

Re: Why do I feel this way

you are not a terrible person. Even though you are happy for her it still hurts. Because she has been there in the past she probably understands where you are coming from. You will call her when you are ready.

Re: Why do I feel this way

I know exactly how you feel. My best friend had her baby within weeks of my 1st m/c. It took me a few weeks to bring myself to see her. The only thing I was able to do was text her. I loved her and the baby but it hurt to bad. I was really honest with her. My SIL also was pregnant at the time and I felt so sad when I saw her with her pg belly and i just lost my baby. With my 2nd m/c I was further along and harder to deal with. It took me a week before i was able to call my Best Friends because it sadden me to hear the baby in the background. What you are feeling is normal. It's human nature to want something we cant or are struggling to have. I had to deal with this twice. If you need someone to talk to FM me.

Re: Why do I feel this way

You are not a horrible person! What you are feeling is completely normal and I think everyone on this board has been there. It so hard to watch others have children, even if they are close friends/family members.
Heck, it was hard for me to see complete strangers PG or with young children. If you can't call b/c it's too hard for you, but you still want to acknowledge it (b/c you care about the person), maybe you could send a card in the mail ? Right now, you need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to heal. We are all here for you.

Re: Why do I feel this way

You are not a terrible person! It was hard for me with a few people as well, but it was more so "why not me", then "I'm not happy for them" ya know?? It's perfectly normal to feel sad about someone becoming pregnant, and I'm sure she understands. I just hope that your pregnant soon and can be happy preggos together!

Re: Why do I feel this way

You are definitely not a horrible person. I think we have all been in that boat at some point. It's so tough to know that someone else is preggo and you're thinking "I should be too!!" And it doesn't mean that you're not happy for them, or that you're a bad friend. Call her whenever you're ready...I'm sure she will understand.

Re: Why do I feel this way

I know exactly how you feel & am here to vent to whenever you need me.

Re: Why do I feel this way

I think everyone can relate to how you feel.

I think it is natural and human to go through many emotions. WE are all human and I know I have gone through so manyemotions, like being mad, jealous, upset.and my list goes on. : )

I know it is hard to call her. If u want u could just send her an email . I would just write how happy you are for her..and be honest. Say YOu are still very upset from all you have gone through...and you did not want your emotions to come out when talking to her on the phone. Then she will understand why you couldn't call.

I hope you are doing ok!!
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Message edited 10/23/2009 8:44:31 AM.

Re: Why do I feel this way

awww I'm so sorry. When I start to feel this way I try to think "how would I feel if it were the other way around?" I know that after all I went through, I would be hurt if someone I was friends with didn't reach out and call me. Especially if they too went through a m/c and knew how it felt...and also knew how good it would feel to finally get pregnant.

Now I am just playing devils advocate. cause I have had friends who weren't happy for me in other aspects of my life because of stuff that was happening to them...and I vowed never to do that to my friends b/c it hurt me so much. I honestly believe that being sad for yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy for someone else.

if anything I like the e mail idea. Honesty is best. She will surely understand if you tell her how you are feeling

Re: Why do I feel this way

Don't beat yourself up I'm sure she understands completly. Give yourself some time to deal with it and then I would call. Just think she might need your comfort now too bc she is scared after 2 mc's