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PregowithTwins
My boys turned 8
Member since 5/11 2451 total posts
Name:
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Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Someone sent me a PM saying she is a lurker & wanted to talk about my previous cycles before conceving. I asked her to email me & I will surely share my story.
Guess What??? She basically said she is a member & regularly posts under another name & didnt want to email.
Hey Lurker............WHAT ARE YOU ASHAMED OF????
Everyone on this board is going thru it & all looking for some advice.
I hate that so many people think they shouldn't talk about infertility when it's like a disease. NOthing you or I did wrong.
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Posted 12/9/13 9:11 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Did she say she was ashamed or she just doesn't want strangers to know her business?
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| Posted 12/9/13 9:17 PM |
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PregowithTwins
My boys turned 8
Member since 5/11 2451 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by ElizaRags35
Did she say she was ashamed or she just doesn't want strangers to know her business?
I take it as ashamed because she doesnt want to give out her email. Maybe I know who she is?
It shouldnt be about strangers knowing her business because she wanted to know my story. I didnt approach her.
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| Posted 12/9/13 9:27 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Anyone regular on this or the TTC/preggo after MC board knows I am EXTREMELY vocal with what's going on with me. I HATE the secrecy, to me it's "shaming" of the issue and there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED!!!!! Arg, this drives me crazy. People are more open about their poop issues than this. If this was a "mans" issue, there would be no secrecy.
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| Posted 12/9/13 9:33 PM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
While I never went to IVF/IUI route, it did take 2 1/2 years to conceive with only a few breaks in that time. While I posted on TTC and on here at times, no one IRL knew. I didn't want people to know my business, not even family. I didn't want to deal with questions, comments, etc. It had nothing to do with being ashamed. I just wanted my privacy and not have to deal with everyone else. Maybe that's what this poster wants?
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| Posted 12/9/13 9:38 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
I am open about it with a lot of people IRL, but I can see why you would not want to post about it on a public website with your usual screenname... Many people have had bad experiences with lurkers in the past - its not like you necessarily want everyone to know your personal business. JMO.
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| Posted 12/9/13 9:41 PM |
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GoodThoughts
Dreams do come true
Member since 2/12 2259 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
I think everyone has a different idea about what is comfortable and what isn't. While I am in no way ashamed of having gone through IVF, I don't feel as though it is something I need to share it with just anyone. There are plenty of things I've gone through, of which I am not ashamed, but choose not to share with the world. For some people, the anonymity of a message board means it's a safe place to talk about personal, upsetting issues.
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| Posted 12/9/13 10:02 PM |
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KMCGK
Gotta have faith
Member since 7/09 2176 total posts
Name:
Keep the Faith
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Whatever reason people or women decide to keep silent about their infertility struggles is their choice. Maybe she is ashamed or maybe she prefers to keep her health issues to herself? Maybe she doesn't yet know that by keeping silent, she will feel more alone? Whatever her reason, this board is for support. So let's make her feel welcome because that infertility closet gets cold and drafty!
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| Posted 12/9/13 10:31 PM |
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hope123
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1097 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by KMCGK
Whatever reason people or women decide to keep silent about their infertility struggles is their choice. Maybe she is ashamed or maybe she prefers to keep her health issues to herself? Maybe she doesn't yet know that by keeping silent, she will feel more alone? Whatever her reason, this board is for support. So let's make her feel welcome because that infertility closet gets cold and drafty!
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| Posted 12/9/13 10:35 PM |
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ElizaRags35
My 2 Girls
Member since 2/09 20494 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by KMCGK
Whatever reason people or women decide to keep silent about their infertility struggles is their choice. Maybe she is ashamed or maybe she prefers to keep her health issues to herself? Maybe she doesn't yet know that by keeping silent, she will feel more alone? Whatever her reason, this board is for support. So let's make her feel welcome because that infertility closet gets cold and drafty!
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| Posted 12/9/13 10:49 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by KMCGK
Whatever reason people or women decide to keep silent about their infertility struggles is their choice. Maybe she is ashamed or maybe she prefers to keep her health issues to herself? Maybe she doesn't yet know that by keeping silent, she will feel more alone? Whatever her reason, this board is for support. So let's make her feel welcome because that infertility closet gets cold and drafty!
I completely agree... I guess my issue is more with the idea that we are "supposed" to keep quiet about it because of some societal standard, not an individual's personal decision.
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| Posted 12/9/13 10:53 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by KMCGK
Whatever reason people or women decide to keep silent about their infertility struggles is their choice. Maybe she is ashamed or maybe she prefers to keep her health issues to herself? Maybe she doesn't yet know that by keeping silent, she will feel more alone? Whatever her reason, this board is for support. So let's make her feel welcome because that infertility closet gets cold and drafty!
ita
i am very very open with my journey and my IF i will tell my story or help whoever i can
but on the other side i am very very private about my mc's and rarely talk about them with anyone bc it is a very hard subject for me
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| Posted 12/9/13 11:22 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Lurker, feel free to FM me. 
To the OP, everyone handles things their own way. I don't think it's fair to judge. I think it's great this person wanted to reach out to you, whether it be through PM, email, etc.
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| Posted 12/10/13 1:05 AM |
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Hope2009
Thankful
Member since 1/09 4429 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by KMCGK
Whatever reason people or women decide to keep silent about their infertility struggles is their choice. Maybe she is ashamed or maybe she prefers to keep her health issues to herself? Maybe she doesn't yet know that by keeping silent, she will feel more alone? Whatever her reason, this board is for support. So let's make her feel welcome because that infertility closet gets cold and drafty!
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| Posted 12/10/13 7:25 AM |
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CindySN23
Stop, Think & Breathe...
Member since 8/11 3550 total posts
Name:
Cindy
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Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
I am sort of the same way and not many ppl IRL know of our struggles because to me its none of their business. I would come on here and discuss what was happening but that was it. IF can be a really lonely place because not many ppl understand it. If a person wants to just FM there must be a reason for it.
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| Posted 12/10/13 8:21 AM |
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beanie571
:-P
Member since 5/07 2509 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by PennyCat
Lurker, feel free to FM me.
To the OP, everyone handles things their own way. I don't think it's fair to judge. I think it's great this person wanted to reach out to you, whether it be through PM, email, etc.
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| Posted 12/10/13 8:48 AM |
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JSDB
<3
Member since 1/13 1329 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by beanie571
Posted by PennyCat
Lurker, feel free to FM me.
To the OP, everyone handles things their own way. I don't think it's fair to judge. I think it's great this person wanted to reach out to you, whether it be through PM, email, etc.
I agree. I do find it helpful to talk to other people who have been through it, but dont necessarily want to share everything with the world either because its not their business. I have been somewhat open to the people of my choosing -- some friends, some family, some coworkers, etc, while still keeping an aspect of privacy. I tell those I choose to and that balance has worked for me.
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| Posted 12/10/13 9:40 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Lurker you can FM me too!!!!
I'm a very private person, I don't like people knowing my business and I'm very selective with who I share with. I don't like how people are ashamed or embarrassed by going through infertility and some often lie about it. Twins run in my family when you know they did Ivf. I don't like the stigma that comes along with it for no reason.
Years ago red book did a story campaign called "the truth about trying". Lots of people, including celebrities, we're on there interviewed about their struggles. I wish more people were open about it but I understand both sides.
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| Posted 12/10/13 10:01 AM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by ANewDayHasCome
Lurker you can FM me too!!!!
I'm a very private person, I don't like people knowing my business and I'm very selective with who I share with. I don't like how people are ashamed or embarrassed by going through infertility and some often lie about it. Twins run in my family when you know they did Ivf. I don't like the stigma that comes along with it for no reason.
Years ago red book did a story campaign called "the truth about trying". Lots of people, including celebrities, we're on there interviewed about their struggles. I wish more people were open about it but I understand both sides.
I hadn't read that, I am going to search for it now!!! Thanks!
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| Posted 12/10/13 10:08 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by KMCGK
Whatever reason people or women decide to keep silent about their infertility struggles is their choice. Maybe she is ashamed or maybe she prefers to keep her health issues to herself? Maybe she doesn't yet know that by keeping silent, she will feel more alone? Whatever her reason, this board is for support. So let's make her feel welcome because that infertility closet gets cold and drafty!
It's her prerogative to maintain her privacy. I think we should just be there for her in whatever way we can. IF is a lonely journey, there's no reason we should make it harder on her.
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| Posted 12/10/13 10:18 AM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
ITA with the others. Its her decision…..and she should still be able to talk to people who have experience in this area.
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| Posted 12/10/13 10:49 AM |
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Agreed!
Not really sure why it was really that necessary to call out the IF lurker because of her choice to be secret about it. Everyone handles it differently regardless of the level of confidentiality they prefer.
Although I cant understand why emails back and forth were necessary. Couldn't the questions and answers been continued to be sent back and forth thru Forum Mail on here? Or am I missing something?
Message edited 12/10/2013 10:53:46 AM.
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| Posted 12/10/13 10:53 AM |
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starr
little whale on the way
Member since 6/10 1288 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by babyfever24
ITA with the others. Its her decision…..and she should still be able to talk to people who have experience in this area.
yup.
Also not sure why the need to call out this person in this fashion. we should support each other whether privately or out on the open thread.
Lurker u can FM me too
I too do not share easily this journey IRL as I feel that ppl who conceive naturally do not feel the need to share that they have been doing it like bunnies as well as this is a serious health issue as any other that I wouldn't openly share with the world. So its so nice to have this board to come on and talk and FM each other. Love 
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| Posted 12/10/13 12:32 PM |
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Lurker, feel free to fm me anytime!! I am also very private about my IF. Only 2 people know aside from dh IRL.
OP- calling this person out is truly obnoxious.
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| Posted 12/10/13 12:46 PM |
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BabyLove08
Love her!
Member since 2/08 3673 total posts
Name:
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Re: Why such secretcy with Infertiliy??
Posted by PennyCat
Lurker, feel free to FM me.
To the OP, everyone handles things their own way. I don't think it's fair to judge. I think it's great this person wanted to reach out to you, whether it be through PM, email, etc.
Totally off topic but how are you and your new baby? You never posted pics, right? I feel like I haven't seen you on LIF in ages. Hope all is well!
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| Posted 12/10/13 1:02 PM |
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