With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

it's really getting to me again that my father has NOTHING to do with me. He has not seen my daughter since 06 and has never met my son. It bothers me that he obviously never really cared about me nor loved his granddaughter, because I know NOTHING would ever have kept my mother away from my daughter.

Because of this whole thing my grandmother has decided that since her son cannot see his grandchildren (which is TOTALLY not true) that she doesn't want to see them either. My daughter was quite attached to her and asks often about her my son only met her once when he was about 2 months old.

It just sucks to know that half of my blood line is a bunch of mutts and just doesn't care about me and never did. I hurts and as Father's day approaches it just burns more.

I am not sure if this makes sense and I am sure you are all sick of hearing about this, but there is nothing I can do to change this.

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

There is another way...
You can invite them back into your life KNOWING that you cant have the expectations that you want. You may want that "ideal" relationship but he cant give it to you OR he doesnt want to give it to you...either or. BUT because you are hurting YOU need to do what is good for you. I think it would be great of you to pick up the phone and just mend your relationship. This does not mean resolving the past, theres enough hurt. Just move forward if possible. You want them in your dc's lives so you may have to do things that you wouldnt normally do. I think to work out your situation its going to be ALOT of give and take. Also, you dont have to spend 5 hrs together...maybe an hr will be suffice.
Just giving you a little advice. I mean if you have no intentions of ever resolving and you are okay with that....then thats okay too

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

I havent spoken to my father in 10 years..

After years and years of trying to make sense of who my father was...After years and years of trying to have a good relationship...After years of trying to give my kids a grandfather...I gave up.

It's a shame...but Im OK with it...it was time...I have closure.

For me...I tried one last time to have a relationship with him. Open arms...forgot the past. Started fresh. I forgave him for stealing money from me. I forgave him for stealing my identity and putting me in debt. I forgave him for being emotional devoid my whole life. I forgave him for what he did to my mother and to my sisters. I put it behind us...Honestly I did.

Life progressed and things were good...and then he started to do what he always did. I tried looking the other way and it worked for awhile...but then I had had enough and cut all ties.

It's a tough situation for everyone...Im so sorry that you have to continue to go through this..

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

see and I actually agree with what Heather wrote. You sound like you have open wounds from all of this. Even if you follow what Ive said above, you may be hurt once more. That "once more" might be the event that actually throws you over the top and think "I dont need this I am done for good". Like I said...worry about what makes you happy!

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

I fear letting him back in my life because I don't want him hurting my kids the way he hurt me. I am sparing them the pain I have always felt.

I don't miss 'MY' father I miss having a father, if that makes sense.

It hurts when my daughter asks about my father and why I don't see him. It's not about seeing my father its more about the fact why doesn't he have to treat me so poorly, why is it that he always tells me that's not good enough, nothing I do is ever right and he is never wrong.

Right now I only talk to one cousin from that side and it hurts when I hear the family got together blah blah blah knowing that they all turned their back on me.

Whatever, we have offered him a chance to see the kids and he chooses not to. There is no way to mend this relationship and honestly it's probably better we don't but it still hurts that I do not have a father.

There will never be closure and that is probably what makes it so hard.

Oh well.

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

I haven't seen/spoken to my father since 1997. He never saw my oldest DD in 1999 nor did he desire to see a picture of her. My parents divorced when I was 6 and he was more of a weekend dad. Actually he was more of a Saturday afternoon dad. He is not paternal KWIM?

Anyway, this is how I see it and have excepted it.

If he wasn't much of a father, what makes me think he'll be any type of grandfather? My kids don't need that. His loss, not ours.

His mother (my grandma) didn't speak to me or see my children fo a while either, but one morning I guess she had a change of heart b/c she is in my life now.
My brother (who speaks to my father)told me that he asked about me
I said "what is he dying?"
I'm sure it's b/c all of his friends talk about their grandchildren as if they are the apple fo their eye and he probably feels like a smuck. He now has 3 grandchilden soon to be 4. He has never seen pictures or knows their names. Very sad, all b/c he is a very stubborn man.

You ae NOT alone. I'm sorry you are going though this but please realize this is his loss.

ETA in the past I have sent cards, letters, and made various approaches to be in his life and him in ours. He denied or ignored me every single time. He told me to stop sending him things and to not contact him ever again. Think that hurt? Yes, but I'm over it now and I'm very happy in my life.

Message edited 6/11/2009 8:15:08 AM.

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

I am with you but my biological mother & stepfather lives 20 minutes from me I have not spoken to her in 4 years (we have been on an off for over 10 yrs) and she never met my son nor does she care to. (in her eyes I am dead to her...why because I am not a "yes" child and I tell her like I see it ~ Black sheep I am) in stinks that 1/2 of my gene pool is nuts.... not me though!

I tried several times to mend our relationship before I got married, called her when I got engaged she never picked up the phone, I sent her a mother's day card she did not even open it, she stuck in back inside another card and basically told me to go f*** myself.... nice huh? she has the problem not me ~ I just hope I don't inherit her bad traits.... (my mother was not at my wedding ~ her only daughter)

In the end it is there loss for not wanting to be apart of our children's & our lives....Sorry you are going through this

Message edited 6/11/2009 8:23:01 AM.

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

I'm so sorry

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

I can relate to what youu are saying. I haven't spoke to my "father" in years. I gave up on him after MANY broken hearts and trying to fix it all. I look at it this way, I tried, and tried to be perfect and a "good child" blah, blah, blah. I feel it's his loss now. He knows I had a child, he knows Im moving, (thanks to my bro). He knows about my life. He will NEVER be part of my sons life. He will NEVER hurt my son as he has hurt me. Its their loss, it sucks Im not going to lie. I wish I had that daddy/daughter relationship, but it just wasn't in the cards. Im sorry for you.

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

I totally can understand what you are going through. My father is a piece of ****!!! You would think that he didn't get to be in my life when i was younger so he would want to be in my kids life. Nope he could care less!!!! He is such a selfish prick!!!! The last time i talked to him, he had the balls to tell my husband. He wants to retire and he still owes like 50k in child support for me. so he tells my DH "my daughter is 30 years old i shouldn't have to pay now" Are you freakin kidding me? you would think he would want to make up for being such a jerk!!! Just accept it and you or your kids don't need them. I know it hurts but it's not your fault and it's their loss!!!!!!!

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

Totally makes sense.
My dad wasnt like your dad BUT I certainly miss the fact that he wont see his grandchildren (he passed away). I guess in a way I envision what he would be like with his grandchildren and it just wont happen. Maybe this is the same void for you. Even though your dad is not technically deceased...he is still not in your life, not around. I agree with Carolyn (cakes) who said that even if you envision the "perfect" relationship for you dc, it might be exactly the same one he had with you.

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

Posted by JennZ

I can relate to what youu are saying. I haven't spoke to my "father" in years. I gave up on him after MANY broken hearts and trying to fix it all. I look at it this way, I tried, and tried to be perfect and a "good child" blah, blah, blah. I feel it's his loss now. He knows I had a child, he knows Im moving, (thanks to my bro). He knows about my life. He will NEVER be part of my sons life. He will NEVER hurt my son as he has hurt me. Its their loss, it sucks Im not going to lie. I wish I had that daddy/daughter relationship, but it just wasn't in the cards. Im sorry for you.

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....

Re: With Father's Day Approaching--- I just have to say ....