Working moms- sick kids

Do you ever feel bad that you have to take off?

I have taken a decent amount of "family sick" days this school year. I have the days...that is not the issue. I was called into my chief's office and "spoken to" regarding the amount of days I have taken this year.

I just didn't care! It is what it is. Is this a bad attitude? I feel like it's bad enough that I have to work...I should at least be there for them when they are sick. I have 3 kids 4 and and under and they are rarely sick at the same time. I take off, my DH takes off or my parents will watch them if they are around (they travel alot)
We got hit bad this year sickness wise and my one son had surgery in September and I missed 2 days for that. Yes I could have done it in the summer but I didn't want to ruin his summer. (He wouldn't have been able to swim for a month)

I had to take off again today. I work in a school so we are close to the end but I know I need to take another day mid june because of their school ending early.

Working moms- sick kids

Definitely! And working in a school has its benefits but they are inflexible when it comes to child care needs like taking off. I've taken off or left early and it is what it is. I am new to the DOE so I don't have a lot of days. Luckily my husband's job is more flexible and he is usually the one to stay home or leave early. I don't really bad because I have to do what I have to do. If I had the days in my bank I wouldn't worry.

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im with you - i take the time if i need to and dont feel bad about it. That being said; i am have been extremely fortunate so far and not needing to take much time off.
My HR told me I have a limited amount of "family sick days"...so as long as i dont go above and beyond that amount I am fine.
If you have the time, why were you called in and spoken to about it?? that would really annoy me

Message edited 5/18/2015 2:33:40 PM.

Working moms- sick kids

I do not feel bad... I get worried that I might get fired (and only slightly worried, if I get fired, so be it). But I do NOT feel bad, my son is my #1 priority. If work doesn't understand that, then too bad for them. DH has a very flexible job, though, so thus far we've been able to split the days, so we will each work 1/2 day and be home with DS 1/2 day.

and side note, WTF, if you have the days available, then you SHOULD be using them. FF them for that comment!

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We have a sitter and our parents as back up.
Our jobs are inflexible.
Stuff happens. Our sitter was out for a while & we had a rough winter with sickness.

Re: Working moms- sick kids

Between me, my dh, our sitter and the grandparents, we try to work out who will stay home with DS if he's sick. We're fortunate that it's not often. I sympathize with you having 4 kids to have to juggle!
DH and I both work in the city and often cannot stay home so we have to juggle who did it last and who's the busiest at work at the time to be able to stay home. It sucks, but it is what it is and that's part of being a working parent.

But honestly.. you saying "I feel like it's bad enough that I have to work" isn't really your job's concern. You're their employee and you should be conscientious of that fact and that they rely on you and pay you to be there.
That being said, its absolute BS that they called you in to talk to you about taking time off, especially if you have the days to take!

Just be aware of the perception you have in the workplace - are you seen as taking off a lot for the kids? have you addressed it with your boss privately to make sure they understand? are you available while out if needed for questions?
I think having an open dialogue with your boss can help so they don't feel you're taking advantage of time off.

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I work at a school too and although we get unlimited sick days, sick children are not included in this and count as personal days (we only get three of those). Obviously this means people just call out sick to avoid using a personal day.

I don't know, I'm torn on this because I'm a working mother and I understand wanting to be there for them (my daughter is so clingy when she's sick) but I also manage the office staff and there is one person who is frequently out (three kids) and it puts other people constantly in a lurch. As a result, she is not seen as someone who is reliable or a team player. Sorry to say but her "I don't care" attitude does not help her case. Even if you have not exceeded your days, I would at least try to make it seem as if you do care and apologize as well as present some sort of plan (answering emails from home if you can, offering to make up hours by x,y, z). I mean even the most flexible
Jobs will eventually get tired of a person constantly calling out and coworkers (especially those without kids) will definitely notice.

I know, it sucks. I've cried about it because I've been at work when my 8 month old was sick and I didn't take off since I had just started my job. She was in good hands with my mother in law but I felt guilty because I wanted to be the one with her.

If you were talked to though, that's a problem. I would try to find a back up plan. What are your husbands hours like?

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I am in the type of position where, even though we have sick time, we are looked upon badly if we take too much of it.
Luckily, my boss is a friend, and i have the kind of job where i can work from home, and I am ALWAYS on my emails, even when I am off and especially if I am sick, so it's a moot point.
If DD is sick, and DH can't watch her, I will stay home and work as usual from my laptop and not really need to take a sick day.

However, in certain positions and jobs, I can see how it would be frowned upon.
I am not saying it is fair, or right, because it is not, but unfortunately, that is how it is in some jobs/positions.


I knew that going in though, and I was prepared for it. It's kind of par for the course with management positions.


ETA_ i am also fortunate in that DD is RARELY sick. I can't remember the last time she had to miss daycare due to illness

Message edited 5/19/2015 8:21:03 AM.

Re: Working moms- sick kids

I work in a school
My position does not need a sub
If I'm not there life goes on as usual lol

My school has a magic number of 7 days off for the school year then you get spoken too. It's just a formality nothing happens.

I took 7 days already. That includes personal days. That is with my dh taking 7 too and my parents watching them 3 times.

I didn't say I didn't care to my boss even though I wanted to because IMO it was poorly delivered and she was not understanding at all. She treats people poorly in general and that is probably playing a role in my lack of caring.

Not sure what other back up plan I could have?
My current sitter works with another family the days she's not with us. We have no other family to help when my parents aren't around.

Message edited 5/18/2015 5:12:46 PM.

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I'm a teacher.
My kids come first. I try to avoid taking off on days when my presence is essential (CSE meetings, annual reviews, etc) but if I can't, I can't.

I'm willing to accept whatever reprimand I deserve, but in 11 years if being a mom I've never once been spoken to.

Just take your "talking to" knowing your family is the MOST important. It's too bad your boss doesn't understand that, but nothing will change it.

Message edited 5/18/2015 6:16:25 PM.

Re: Working moms- sick kids

We also had a terrible fall into early spring with illnesses!! Starting back in October when DD was 14 mos, she was literally sick every 3-4 weeks until the beginning of April. On top of that, she also got me pretty sick a few times.

I do feel bad taking a lot of time. DD and my family are my #1 priority but work is important too and I want to be a good employee. I've had to learn to let go of a lot of the guilt and just do what I have to do. Fortunately, work is pretty flexible and I can work from home, leave early, etc. DH has a certain amount of flexibility too but I can't imagine not being with DD when she's sick. At some point, I will have to be better about letting go and allowing others to help but I'm not there yet.

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This is why I am a SAHM and we are managing to get by on one income owning our home .... my husband does not have a fancy job with a fancy title.

When you have small kids ....you have to expect this to happen ... it just seems that you work for a bunch of morons if you work in a school ... they should understand ...

Message edited 5/19/2015 11:09:55 AM.

Working moms- sick kids

My last boss was terrible. She pretty much thought if you had a sick LO you can just leave them with anyone. When you have small kids it happens. DH and I do try and rotate days so it's not all on one of us. Sometimes he will have something going on at work or vice versa and they other will take more time off. Thankfully they don't really get sick.

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I work for myself, so I rarely take sick days. I didn't take a single one this year, two last year for having the flu, and one day two years before that for the stomach bug. So no, I'm not really able to take off when my kids are sick. With that said, I am home most days until 3:00, so I'm with them all day and then my DH comes home so I can go to work. He is fortunate to have a flexible job and can work from home whenever needed.

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I NEVER feel bad when I take off - screw that!

These are my kids and they need me when they are not feeling well. I could care less about being a team player. Sorry if that offends anyone, but my job and the responsibilities to it will never be first on my list of priorities.

As long as I have the days they cannot say anything per New York City’s Earned Sick Time Act.

Before this went into effect I was called in because I had called out sick 3 days within a 5 month period. Two days were for my DS who was home sick with a stomach bug and one was for me because I had a terrible cold/flu with fever.

Now that the new sick time act has been in place they cannot say boo to you if you have the time.

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I get a ton of sick days but when my DS is sick I have to use a personal, or vacation day for it. I don't really feel bad because I have no control over it.

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I do feel bad if I have to take off though I know no one would care in my job but I have always had that kind of mentality since working part time!
at my job there is no one else that does my position if my backup has to be back me up its taking away time from his normal job so that alone makes me not want to do it plus I a little possessive of my work

with all that said my job allows me to work from home so when my kids are sick I just stay home and work which can be pure torture cause my job doesn't always allow me to do things whenever I have the time people are waiting for me to do something so they can work.

I get 10 sick days a year we can use them to go to dr visits, kid sick, etc. I rarely use them. I used 5 days each time I was in labor and the only other time I really use them is if I am so sick I can not work. however last year I took half sick days for drs appointments just because I wanted to not have to come back to work after them. my job is also flexible with be gone for a few hours during working hours so I don't have to take sick days for dr. visits if I don't want too.

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Re: Working moms- sick kids

See, my response to your boss would be like, what is my alternative?

Like, what am I supposed to do??

Your kid is sick, it is out of your hands, and your kid is getting sick because you work full-time and they have to be in daycare - thus making the times they get sick more prevalent!

Message edited 5/19/2015 12:35:54 PM.

Re: Working moms- sick kids

The only thing I can think of is maybe knowing that at 7 days they automatically call you in, just pre-empt it next time. On the 7th time, I would say I know this is frowned upon but I really do not have any other alternative today or something like that.

I had to take a bunch of days off too although my job has been really great about it, but I think it was also that I went to my boss and said look I know I'm taking all this time, but xyz is what happened and my work is always done. He started laughing and said I was fine and to get out of his office! He thanked me for caring so much but also told me I shouldn't care so much! He said when I'm there I'm more productive than anybody else so he could care less what I do and I was dreading going into talk to him but I figured let me talk him to first before he talks to me.