Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

So I try to keep things very balanced w/ my friends that dont have kids - one time gtg with baby, next time just adults, and alternate. So my BFF and I talk all the time but we don't get the opportunity to gtg that often for a number of reasons. So she hasn't seen DS since his first birthday (the end of August). We got together in Dec. just her and her fiance and me and DH and went out to dinner alone. Now we are making plans to gtg soon again and it appears she is thinking of gtg again just adults - she has not mentioned wanting to see DS at all! Now, with all our other friends they always ASK me to bring him along AND, he is such a good kid in restaurants - yeah, the dynamic changes but, for the most part he just sits and eats and talks and that's it (he is 18 mos).

Anyway, I'm kind of annoyed - annoyed that I have to waste another date night out with someone watching DS as a group thing instead of time alone with DH and even MORE annoyed that she doesn't even seem to care that she hasn't seen DS in SIX months! Am I being over sensitive?

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

I have the same exact issue w/ a few of my friends. I guess they just don't get it.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

A few of my close friends haven't seen Jack in ages, it really doesn't bother me in the least bit. He goes to bed early and I honestly like the time I spend with them to be just the girls. The way I look at it is everyone is busy and she probably feels she won't be able to catch up as much if your DS is there.

Try not to let it upset you too much, I'm sure she's not intentionally doing it!

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Honestly, I like to show off my kids, and I like to see my friends' kids. But now that I think about it I ahve not seen some of my friends kids in nearly a year. Hmmm. No it would not bother me that they don't want to see my kids because although I love seeing pics and hearing about my friends kids its way more fun to go out with out them. (Especially my friends who I rarely see anymore.) I have two kids of my own. Are you really upset if you don't see your friends kids in a long time...I mean kids that aren't your dc's age?

Don't get me wrong. I understand how you feel, but I see her point too.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Just to give you another perspective- I am a new parent and for the past five or so years, most of my friends have had children. I would always ask about how their children were doing, their milestones, etc. It never even occurred to me to ask about seeing them. It's not that I didn't care, I just honestly never thought about it. However, I was always very understanding about how we were going to get together or when because they had kids. I would go to their houses, go out to eat very early, etc.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

maybe they are just the type that dont plan on having kids ever and have a low tollerance for them... My first kid is due in May and when i see our friends with kids I just assume id see their kids when I see them. its kinda inconvenient to have to get a babysitter every time you want to go out

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

I have a really good friend that does not have kids and I really try to stay sensitive to that. I think it'harder to be understanding when you don't have kids than the other way around. I remember what it was like before kids and I don't think I ever "requested" seeing someone's kids. It's not that I didn't want to - I just didn't think about it - I was in a different place.

I see why you would be a bit upset. I don't think that she doesn't want to see your DC, I just think she's not thinking of it. She's at a different place than you are right now. Some people are just like that.

Try not to let it bother you too much. I really don't think it's intential.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Maybe she prefers seeing you without your child. I think it's up to you to find out if this is an issue. Some people just don't want to deal with kids. Then you have to accept to see her without DC.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

I wouldn't take it personally. It's not that she doesn't care about your child. It's that she's in a different place & doesn't think about it. 6 months for a person without children is like a blink of an eye, i'm sure she doesn't realize the difference between a 1 year old & an 18 month old.

Also in all fairness to couples without children, it's annoying to go out with someone with children. Even if our children are the most well-behaved, we cannot pay full attention to our friend. We can't have conversations without interruption. We also cannot have adult conversations & the night usually ends earlier.

If it were me, I would relish the quality time out because you really do have the best of both worlds. It's a great balance for your relationship with your DH as you continue to grow friendships.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Honestly, before I had kids I would have been the same way. Going out to dinner with kids is just different so I don't blame her.

I loved seeing my kids friends but when I went out, I preferred grown up time and really didn't enjoy going out with their kids. I love their kids, but I thought going out with them was stressful.

Now that I have my own kid it doesn't stress me out at all but I still like having grown up time when possible.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

some people just aren't that into kids... you know?

I don't let it bother me...

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Posted by Diana1215

A few of my close friends haven't seen Jack in ages, it really doesn't bother me in the least bit. He goes to bed early and I honestly like the time I spend with them to be just the girls. The way I look at it is everyone is busy and she probably feels she won't be able to catch up as much if your DS is there.

Try not to let it upset you too much, I'm sure she's not intentionally doing it!

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Thanks ladies for the posts - it really helped me put things in perspective. I guess I am a little more sensitive to it b/c i was planning on asking her (when the time comes obivously since i am not even pg yet) to be the godmother for DC #2 - so now i am wondering if it is the right move. Anyway, she is engaged and plans to have kids and likes kids so that isn't the issue. And, I always preface making plans with her with - let me know if you want to do something us 4 or +DS so, its not like she just didn't think of it. B/f i had DS i realize now that i wasn't the best friend to my friends that had chidlren b/c i just had no idea what it was like. but, if i hadn't seen them in a while i always asked to gtg with their DC b/c i hated missing their children grow up! I guess that is why i was put off b/c it was like she had no interest in seeing my child grow up KWIM? But, all these posts have made me realize that i am wrong and its not such a big deal! Thankk you!

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

I don't think I would take it personally maybe she isn't a child type of person or it most likely doesn't occur to her that you would like her to see your DC.

We don't bring DD out with friends - we prefer to use that time to see our friends for adult nights out so my parents will watch her for a few hours. However I will say that all of our friends insist that they come over before she goes to my parents for about an hour so that they can play with DD first and visit with her first and then we drop her off at their home (they live 1 mile away) on the way to dinner. This way we get the best of both worlds.

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Re: Would this bother you or am I overly sensitive (friend w/o kids related)

Not everyone wants to spend their night with kids....and that can mean people with children and people without children. I personally would not be offended or annoyed at all, I would just base my decision to go out on whether or not I wanted to bring DS. If you really want your DS there, then just don't go. Ava is extremely well behaved in restaurants and always has been, but taking her is still not the same as going out without her. I would extend the invite to your friend to come over your house, this way you can show off your little one, and then go out to dinner without him with her.