WWYD - Birthday Party Related - UPDATE

DS is PDD-NOS. He's 3. In general he likes to do his own thing and really isn't good with strict organized activities. He doesn't really understand the concept of rules unless we've had a chance to work on them before-hand. He doesn't like to wait. And puts up a huge fit when he's not happy. HUGE HUGE FIT!!!

I try and lead a relatively normal life for him. We do friend's birthday parties but I always feel more comfortable because my friends know his diagnosis and know about his issues.

He goes to a typical daycare. I'm pretty certain the other parents probably don't know the details on DS although I'm sure they've picked up on the fact that he has always had therapists in and out for a year and a half and must know there is some issue.

He got invited to his first daycare birthday party for a girl who he's been in daycare with since they were infants. It is an arts and crafts party.

He LOVES to draw, color, paint, etc.

I'm hesitant to accept the invitation because I've never been to a party at this place and I'm not sure how rigid they are with the party agenda.

WWYD? Deny and make up an excuse. Deny and tell them the truth. Accept and don't say anything. Or Accept and explain his disability beforehand.

I actually might call the place this week and have them explain the format of it to me.


TIA



UPDATE: the party was today. He did awesome!!! I couldn't believe it and am so proud of him. When we first got there we had to wait a little and he sat so patiently. Then we had to put smocks on and paint. He did that for about 20 minutes like the other kids. Then there was free play drawing and other toys. Mickey Mouse came and he danced the chicken dance and hokey pokey. Then he actually sat down and at pizza by himself. Then he decorated a cupcake and ate it and sang Happy Birthday. And then we went home. It was nothing like I thought in my head. I'm so proud of him and dissapointed in myself for doubting him.

And here is a cute picture of him painting:

Message edited 9/25/2010 9:31:53 PM.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

You know that we are basically in the same boat. I totally understand you.

I use to make up excuses not to go. One day I was venting to a friend about how hard it is and how worried I was about an upcoming party. DS had been to her DC's party a few months prior so she knows how he can be.

She said, "You know you have to take him. You have to take him because he's a good boy and he deserves to go." I don't know why it stuck with me, but it did. So now I take him and I don't make any excuses for him, but if a situation arises where I think he's being unfairly judged, I explain. Many times the parents I talk to will have a friend/cousin/neighbor in the same boat we're in.

It's difficult - I know it is, but I would take him. I keep hoping that the more I expose him to social situations, the easier it will get

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

You're right...he does deserve to go!

And this is probably more my issue than his. I just really don't want to put us in a situation where people will judge his behavior and my parenting. I feel like I get that quite often.

Sometimes I think I'd feel better if I explain myself before-hand.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

Go....he may surprise you. The more you attend events like these, the more he'll get used to them and act accordingly. I know what its like to want to shelter and protect, but you have to let him experience new things.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

I woulkd let him go. We used to hold Christopher back on things because he wouldnt sit still for things. But we now bring him to a lot of places now. It is hard on us, but he will never learn how to act in situations if he is not exposed.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

I'd take him. The way I see it is he's 3, and 3 years old may misbehave at parties for a variety of reasons. I think most normal parents realize that and don't expect every kid there to behave perfectly the whole time, typical kids included. I also see it as you can always leave early if his behavior is that out of control.

I am pretty open with the daycare teachers about DS's issues, and I imagine most of the parents have seen him with at least one of the therapists while they are there. I wouldn't care if the other parents knew of his diagnosis, but I don't feel like I would have to explain it ahead of time.

My DS has been in daycare for 2 years now and I actually think it might be easier for him to go to a party for one of those kids, because he would actually know some of the kids.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

You need to go. He needs to go.

I believe in integrating children in "our" World. They have to learn. They have to interact. It pushes them out a bit of their comfort zone. Show them other things.

But I do mention to the person who invited us that we may need to leave early, etc...

That way, there are no surprises. They know I may have to leave before the end of the party.

DS lasted about 1 hour or so top at the beginning and I left when he was starting to get tired and before a melt down.

Now he was go for 1.5 hour. Sometimes 2.

He was not into other kids a lot about 1 year ago. Now, he still just parallel play or do his own stuff but he does look at the other kids, what they do, how they play, etc.. He even smiles at them.

I think it would be a great benefit to bring him to the parties. Just take the mom aside and tell her you might have to leave early. You might not need to but for "just in case" you need to.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

I should probably just clarify a little....

We do go to parties and playdates with typical children quite often. The reason this particular event is causing me more concern is because it is with people I don't know (and therefore don't know me) at an unfamiliar venue.

Thanks everyone for the advice...I think we're going to go.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

Posted by lbelle821

I should probably just clarify a little....

We do go to parties and playdates with typical children quite often. The reason this particular event is causing me more concern is because it is with people I don't know (and therefore don't know me) at an unfamiliar venue.

Thanks everyone for the advice...I think we're going to go.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related

Posted by lbelle821

I should probably just clarify a little....

We do go to parties and playdates with typical children quite often. The reason this particular event is causing me more concern is because it is with people I don't know (and therefore don't know me) at an unfamiliar venue.

Thanks everyone for the advice...I think we're going to go.

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related - UPDATE

update in original post

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related - UPDATE

So glad he had a great time!

Re: WWYD - Birthday Party Related - UPDATE

Your update made me so happy that it literally brought a tear to my eye! I'm right here with you - I'm sooo happy he had a great day! YAY for him and I'm so happy for you too!!!!!!