Your parents' finances

Is it ever okay to ask your parents about their finances? Like their retirement plans/accounts/etc.?

I know it's probably none of my business, but at the same time... if the aren't in the best financial shape, won't I eventually have to step in and support them?

Do you know anything about your parent's financial health? Their ability to retire and have a happy, financially healthy retirement?

ETA: I stumbled upon something when I was home for Tgiving that made me think they are not in the best financial shape and won't be able to retire anytime soon, and it's been nagging at me ever since...

Message edited 11/28/2007 9:23:50 AM.

Re: Your parents' finances

I have never had a problem discussing my finances with my loved ones but for some reason that is an unspoken rule that it cannot be discussed. (DH hates when I discuss our money with other people)

My parents would not be willing to discuss exact #'s but if I wanted to give them advice on banking/retirment, etc I would discuss it without pin pointing them

Message edited 11/28/2007 9:29:12 AM.

Re: Your parents' finances

As excutor of the will- I was pretty much told everything when my mother passed- we are a very open family

my Dad has been retired for a few years and is very young still- I have nothing to worry about - but I do ask questions from time to time if I have a concern

questions are welcomed in my family- he has nothing to hide

of course- sometimes you don't want to hear the answer- like that fact that he just signed a pre-pre nup

Re: Your parents' finances

Great Question.

I think that once you have any idea that they are not in good financial shape we SHOULD be able to ask them about finances.

My parents got into trouble about ten years ago, almost lost the house etc. but pulled themselves out of debt. I thought they were okay. I try to talk to my mom about it but she is from the old school where she doesn't know where any of the money is - she doesn't even have an ATM card and just asks my dad for money ( even though she worked until recently! )

My father and I have the same cc and I opened up his bill by mistake - I saw a total on there that almost made me vomit. I have been worried about it ever since but every time I bring up finances my dad says I am trying to "kill him off for his fortune"



Guess I wasn't much help - but I think that you should be able to talk to them about their finances NOW!!

Re: Your parents' finances

I know everything about their finances. I have for years and have been advising them.

They know some of ours but not enough to state facts and figures.

I started to get into it with them about 10 years ago or so when they sold their house.

Re: Your parents' finances

Posted by Tilde

My father and I have the same cc and I opened up his bill by mistake - I saw a total on there that almost made me vomit. I have been worried about it ever since but every time I bring up finances my dad says I am trying to "kill him off for his fortune"

Re: Your parents' finances

I know about my moms finances, my father is deceased and I had to go with her to open a bank account because she didn't know what to do.

Lukily, she will get my fathers pension when he would have turned 55, which is in two years. she will still work for health benefits, but it will be enough for her to live ok.

Re: Your parents' finances

I don't know how MUCH my mom has but I know that she is financially ok.

Re: Your parents' finances

After my uncle (father's brother) tragically passed away last year at the age of 43 - my parents got their finances and future plans in order. It's unfortunate that it took such a tragedy for them to do it, but I'm glad they took a proactive approach.

They sat down with their lawyers, insurance agents and set up everything for their and ours (children) future, god-forbid they passed away. I know that's not the question you asked, but they did (along the way) also set up their retirement plans.

We're very open in our family and I had no problem sitting down and discussing this exact topic with them. It's more for concern and caring than anything else. My parents were a little "embarrassed" that I was sitting down with them to discuss it, but they assured me they're fine, and we'd have nothing to worry about (for us and for them.) Just keep in mind that they may be a little embarrassed or hesitant, but it comes from love and them being the "parents" and you being their "children" - not the other way around.

Re: Your parents' finances

This is a huge problem for me . I have a very immature father that has no savings etc and spends money friv. a mother that is on medicaid and comp. disbaled. I have had so many talks with him and its like talking to a brick wall. . i am very young and in debt myself , all I have is an insurance policy for him in case anything happens to me but what happens if something happens to him or my mom. My shrink thinks thats why my anxiety is so bad. I have written him letters, talked with him with my dh .. nothing works he just says stop worrying. I have no family to help, everyones past away no siblings.

Re: Your parents' finances

Re: Your parents' finances

This is tough. My father is a CPA so talking about finances in my family is an everyday occurrence. Granted, I don't know exact figures, but know they are okay and close to retiring very comfortably. DH's parents on the other hand, I worry about. They are definitely not open to sharing anything with us and I secretly worry we will be blindsided if god forbid anything should happen. I wish I could say something but it's not my place. If it was my family, I would try to find a delicate way to bring it up. Of course, no one likes to discuss future plans (wills, funeral plans, etc) but as our parents age it's something we have to do - so perhaps you can go about it that way and then move into the financial side.

Re: Your parents' finances

My parents are horrible w/ their money and DH is an unbelievable saver and is really good w/ money and building credit so we took over their finances and are helping them to be more responsible w/ their money and get them out of the hole.

Re: Your parents' finances

Re: Your parents' finances

there is a great book I just read- I posted about it on monday

It's called Start Late, Finish Rich- I think it could be helpful for your parents- and it might be easier to take coming from a book

the author gives real life examples of people in their fifties- who manage to find the extra $$$ to get out of debt and retire

Re: Your parents' finances

My mother has a big mouth and lets everyone know what the deal is.

My dad recently retired. Just before he and my mom had to meet with his pension board which also prompted them to figure out where they are at financially with their accountant and attorney. They are in pretty good shape although they won't be traveling the world on the QE2 any time soon.

I will say that my mom has a BAD habit of wracking up their cc's with a lot of useless crap. She LOVES ebay, HSN and catalogue shopping!!!

Re: Your parents' finances

My dad is very tight lipped about his $. I can do the math based on his assets. I know my dad won't discuss b/c it is not a need for us to know as he saves like a madman. I actually WISH he would spend and enjoy his $, not worry about his kids so much.

I also know my dad well enough to know he doesn't want any of his kids getting lazy knowing about their future inheritance.

ETA - I do have a copy of their will though. Yet other than real estate, dollar figures are not mentioned of course, just percentages in regards to siblings and sharing equally.

Message edited 11/28/2007 11:28:20 AM.

Re: Your parents' finances

My parents tell me everything especially because my father owns a business and I would be the one taking over everything when he passes. And both houses. My parents came to me and told me about their finances, etc.

Re: Your parents' finances

My dad has always been very open about their financial situation since they made me pay for my own college and about 95% of our wedding. Especially since they both retired this year and are moving closer to us in the next week.. He's never had a problem letting me (and even DH) in on their financial situations. They were always "OK" financially but never had extra to play around with.

Re: Your parents' finances

i know most finance stuff (ie - approx. salary, mortgage info, IRAs and stuff) but that's b/c I was the one paying them out of my dad's account when my mom died (he didn't know how to write a check.)

What I didn't know about, until I stumbled upon it, was credit card debt. As of last year, my dad was in a lot and I seriously doubt its gone now. I don't think he knows that if you only pay the minimum, you don't really get anywhere.

Re: Your parents' finances

My parents are not at retirement age yet, about another 15 years. We are farily open about money with my side. I know that they don't have much saved at all and it drives me crazy. They don't have any big CC debt or anything like that and the mortgage is almost paid off. I think my mom plans on living off the equity in her house.
My husbands parents are very closed lip about their money. They both (divorced) complain constantly that they don't have any and each say the other is lying and has plenty of money, so who knows!

Re: Your parents' finances

Message edited 11/28/2007 2:51:22 PM.

Re: Your parents' finances

I know everything about my parents' finances. They have explained to me about their finances for a long time.

On the other hand, DH knows nothing about hsi mother's finances.

Re: Your parents' finances

All 4 of us kids have to know everything about my mother's finances. 3 of us have power of attorney. Any two of the three have signing power at any given moment in time so not one of us can ever act alone in selfishness.

Due to my mother's poor health, she will never be able to get long term health care the way my father did before he passed away. She will more than likely have to liquidate her assets in order to live comfortably in an assisted living or nursing complex should she ever need such care. None of us kids have the space or finances to accommodate the kind of living arrangements she would need. This saddens me deeply.

Message edited 11/28/2007 7:14:56 PM.

Re: Your parents' finances

I know a vague and roundabout figure of my parents' net worth. My sister, on the other hand, spends more time calculating her potential inheritance.

If I suspected that my folks were in bad shape, it would nag at me and I would not know whether to ask. But I know that there is money in the bank, that their house is paid off and they are very conservative with spending, so it will probably not change anytime soon.

Message edited 11/28/2007 7:31:25 PM.