Your parent's opinions

I sent my Dad an email the other day with the link to that cute house in Setauket that everyone liked (but said was overpriced/flip, remember?) but told him we'd never buy at that price.

He emailed back, only with criticism. It's too small, the heating system isn't good, you don't want only 1 bathroom, etc. Absolutely nothing positive, at all.

I told him that I'm reminded of something he always used to tell us as kids: "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I love my parents very much and understand that some of it may be for selfish reasons but they have our best interests in mind. I've gotten used to this because they're getting crabby and opinionated in their old age.

But it makes me wonder if it will come to a head when we are actively looking. I have no problem putting them in their place, and they know that. There's a fine line between constructive criticism and being overly judgemental.

How were your parents with the whole process? And even after, do they make comments about things and say "I told you so!"?

Re: Your parent's opinions

My dad was the saame way when we told him we were looking at houses. He said you dont want a 1 bedroom, and you dont want a house that needs updating, and he had other comments, but you know what - we bought a house with 1 bathroom, and a house that needed updating and when we were finished with the renovation, he absolutely loved how it came out. Also he used to say we wouldnt be able to afford the house, but we can afford it.

Your father is just looking out for you. That is his job. He doesnt want you to make a bad decision.

Scott

Re: Your parent's opinions

My parent's didn't see the house until we moved in. My father-in-law came for the inspection, because we wanted someone who would know what to look for to make sure the inspector was doing the right thing. He loves our house, because it is the same exact house he has (LOL, they are both Levitt capes).

We didn't want our parents' opinions. It's our house, we paid for it, and all that matters it that we love it.

And they never criticize the house, they love it. I think they just love that we bought something so young, which they didn't do.

Re: Your parent's opinions

I think its good to have opinions from someone who has more experience and knowledge about the home buying process, the way things work/dont work in a house, what types of heating systems are good, or even just general knowledge about what things cost when it comes to homeownership. If you feel like he is adding any value there with his opinions, I'd find it helpful. If not, I wouldnt be so excited to show him any houses. My mother was not even a factor except that we bought our house knowing she would be moving in downstairs so when we looked, we did bring her later to see if she would be happy in the space. Otherwise, I wouldnt have asked her opinion. But thats because I know she wouldnt have added the kind of feedback I needed...she doesnt always give her honest opinions about stuff, which I'd rather have if I am going to show it.

Re: Your parent's opinions

Our parents played a huge part in our decision when we were buying our house. I thank God for that because they were so helpful!!

Re: Your parent's opinions

nick and i wouldnt have bought a house without my parents help. Any house nick and i are really interested in, we have my dad come check out- he is very knowledgeable in the engineering department, as well as many other departments in regards to houses.

honestly, i dont think nick and i would buy a house without my dad's approval.

Re: Your parent's opinions

My parents' opinion mattered alot. Especially my dad's, because hes very knowledgeable about real estate. He was the first to see the house, after DH and I were thinking about putting an offer on it.

I dont think we would've bought a house if my father didnt think it was a good deal. If it was something cosmetic he didnt like about the house though, that wouldnt stop me.

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I trust my dad's opinion b/c he was in the real estate business

Re: Your parent's opinions

Re: Your parent's opinions

my parents are very involved especially since my father will be our attorney. My mom and MIL sometimes doesn't realize what we can afford. My mom asks if the rooms are about the size of my parents house (oh yea a townhouse priced at 3K has the same size rooms as a house in Smithtown built in 1996 and got the quote of 6K). My MIL from Boston really doesn't understand our financial situation. She says "Why not buy a house" Well because we would have to put a LOT of work in it right away as for the townhouse its just asthetics ie paint, windows, carpet, etc.

Now my Dad being an attorney is the complete opposite. He has his moments but he is so scared of us not being able to afford anything.

But we do appreciate all their thoughts. We are their kids and they want what's best for us.

Message edited 11/21/2006 9:48:34 AM.

Re: Your parent's opinions

Re: Your parent's opinions

My parents didn't see any of the houses we are interested in, but we have told them everything about them. My parents don't have any real estate experience except for the buying their own homes over 20 years ago, but I do listen to what they have to say. I am going to have them come with us on the inspection though.

Re: Your parent's opinions

Our parents got the listing link and told us what they thought. We were excited and they were too.

We were very stressed out about the whole thing and it was good to have them give their input.

My parents owned their homes but DH's parents always rented so there wasn't much help there.

I was glad to get their opinion but they didn't go over the line with their advice or criticism. That's hard to do when you only want the best for your kids.

We bought an old house that had some upgrades. We are still upgrading but we love our house and so do they.

Re: Your parent's opinions

We actually value my dad's opinion on houses. I feel like DH and I can get caught up in how exciting the whole process is and we overlook certain things or think something is easier to fix than it really is.

I think now we wouldn't buy a house without him seeing it first!

Re: Your parent's opinions

My father was very critical while I was searching, but I geniunely value his opinion...even if I don't agree with it.

Re: Your parent's opinions

We brought my dad and DH's oldest brother with us to look at the houses we were only interested in putting an offer on. They both own homes and we trust their opinion and judgement. Sometimes when you're in the middle of it and emotion kicks in, it's nice to have an outside opinion. Someone who is looking for your best interest.

Neither of them were ever rude or overly opinionated...they trust our judgement as well and knew we were looking to them to be our additional eyes - not to pass judgement on anything.

Re: Your parent's opinions

My parent's give us questions to ask, if we don't know the answer and then we call the realtor, get the answers and call my parent's back. Thanks to MLSLI, I've been able to show them pictures of the home we look at, and I give them objective viewpoints of the house on what is good/bad/ugly, etc.

As for my inlaws, that's a matter in its own right. They flip back and forth with positiveness and then negativeness over homes! It's quite frustrating.

Re: Your parent's opinions

Re: Your parent's opinions

Re: Your parent's opinions

I'm not asking anyone to agree/disagree with me or my Dad - you don't have a lifetime of experience with them to draw from. That would just be silly.

I'm just anticipating a continuation of more negative points from them than positive. Which is fine - if they're valid. Sure, they've got more experience than we do and we want their help.

It's tough to talk about sometimes though, because they don't accept that we can't afford a perfect house. We know we're going to have to compromise up front and that might mean buying a 1 bathroom house and planning on adding later.

They have their own ideas on what is best for us, which isn't always based on real considerations like money, neighborhood, or that we won't be having children. They seem disappointed that we are looking at cheaper fixer-uppers. Which is hard - of course we'd like a gorgeous, perfect, 600k house but we can't do it.

We're not having a family so we don't need four bedrooms, four baths, a wonderful school district, etc. Bigger isn't necessarily better, especially in our situation. I don't understand why everyone (other family members too, friends) keeps insisting that we need a big house.

Thanks for hearing me out. I'm not looking for anyone to take sides, I'm just explaining.

Message edited 11/21/2006 12:29:11 PM.