Your thoughts and opinions please

I may have to undergo surgery in a few months. My parents live in AZ, we live here in LI.

I know they will want to come in for it to be with me and "help" DH take care of my during the recovery.

You may think, well that's really nice and I would want my mommy and daddy here too..and I do but..

They would stay with us in the house, DH would be on overdrive running to the hospital, continuing to go to work and taking them everywhere since my dad is not comfortable driving here anymore..(that's a whole other story)

I am reluctant to tell them to stay there and not come in only to make it easier for DH and frankly, me. I worry that them coming in will create more stress and make it more difficult.

They could stay in a hotel, but then the driving thing becomes even more of a burden. My parents are completely able to care for themselves albeit, they are older and would probably be miserable being 3000 miles away while their daughter undergoes surgery and recovery.

I guess if my dad had to, he wouldn't just have to suck it up and get in the car and drive himself. I just know he is uncomfortable with that.

Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Your mom doesn't drive either?

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

ok....i am confused...just re-read the post

what is it that they are looking to do?
Since they are uncomfortable driving
ETA...this is what i wrote..incase it applies

in all honesty...

if they wanted to come out and visit....i could never tell them to get a hotel

i would suck it up and deal....

i think that making them come here, get a hotel room and then rent a car...IMO is too much

Message edited 8/13/2006 10:01:36 AM.

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

First off I know how scary a pending surgery is so . When my mother had surgery the whole family came to the hospital but then we did shifts. For the first week I stayed with her, then the next week my aunt stayed with her and then the third week my grandma stayed with her. How about doing a shift like that. SO when your DH goes back to work your parents are there? In all honesty it is so nice to have family support but after a surgery too many people can be very stressful.

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

sorry if I was unclear.

I would never ask my parents to stay in a hotel..that's the point. They would do that though if it meant making it easier on us..

Mom is disabled and can't drive. This is maddening because they use to live here and dad is uncomfortable driving.



They would drive one of our cars.

It's more than that though, having them around may make it more difficult for DH. He will have me to worry about, his job, and then making sure Mom and Dad are comfortable.

I may be overprojecting my anxieties on the situation. I haven't even discussed this with DH yet, but I'm trying to operate in crisis control mode.

In case you haven't figured it out..I usually take care of them..now you know why I'm having my neurosis..

of course, my cousins will come and they will be in the house..etc..

ughh!

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

how serious is this surgery?
and recovery?

Message edited 8/13/2006 10:10:57 AM.

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Not sure what you're dilemma is exactly, but if my folks lived that far away, I would want them near by in that situation. talk to them and see if they would be ok driving themselves around even if it's just for a few days. like you said, your DH would have his hands full taking care of you, the house and working.

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Posted by Blu-ize

Posted by Redhead

how serious is this surgery?
and recovery?

It's abdominal surgery.

I won't know for sure until I see my surgeon on Aug 30. If it can be done laprascopically, I'm estimating 3 days in the hospital and at least 2 weeks home. I work in the city so commuting I'm sure will be a joy, so I can arrange to work from home once I feel good enough to do so.

If they have to cut me open, about 5-7 days in the hospital and probably more like 3-4 weeks out.

Either way it really s u c k s..but it's something I may have to do.

I'm trying to cover all my bases.

Yes, I want my mommy..I'm 39 years old, but this is not a wart removal..

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Okay I understand now. They should be here. You want them here. It's major surgery. Just ask your Dad if he could please try to handle at least some of the driving to make things a bit easier on your DH who is going to be overwhelmed with taking care of everything.

Good luck

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Posted by Blu-ize

Posted by Redhead

how serious is this surgery?
and recovery?

It's abdominal surgery.

I won't know for sure until I see my surgeon on Aug 30. If it can be done laprascopically, I'm estimating 3 days in the hospital and at least 2 weeks home. I work in the city so commuting I'm sure will be a joy, so I can arrange to work from home once I feel good enough to do so.

If they have to cut me open, about 5-7 days in the hospital and probably more like 3-4 weeks out.

Either way it really s u c k s..but it's something I may have to do.

I'm trying to cover all my bases.

Yes, I want my mommy..I'm 39 years old, but this is not a wart removal..

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

ok, so would you have them there while I was in the hospital or after? or maybe both?

I'm leaning towards after...considering DH will have to work and my folks could take care of me. I will probably be limited on mobility for at least a few days.

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Posted by Redhead

Posted by BabyAvocado

Posted by Blu-ize

ok, so would you have them there while I was in the hospital or after? or maybe both?

I'm leaning towards after...considering DH will have to work and my folks could take care of me. I will probably be limited on mobility for at least a few days.

I think it's a good idea to have them come after the surgery. It relieves a little stress from your DH because he won't have to be driving them back and forth from the hospital to see you.

yea i agree

and good luck on the surgery

Message edited 8/13/2006 10:34:15 AM.

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

Re: Your thoughts and opinions please

I would tell them to come after the surgery. Then, you will have them at home with you to help out, there will be little driving involved and it might be better for everyone. I would probably tell them that you will have round the clock care in the hospital, but are more worried about once you get home.