Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Kids are 6 and 4 and I realize I'm always telling them 'negative' things.

For example at dinner, its a constant stream of:
"Stop playing with your food"
"stop kicking the table"
"Keep eating" (sometimes it takes them over an hour because they're not eating, they're just playing)
"Don't climb onto the table"
"say thank you when someone gives you something"
"drink your milk stop blowing bubbles"
"Chew with your mouth closed"
"You dropped your food because you were playing around - you have to pay attention when you do things"
"Dont stand on your chair"
"You ATE your corn, eatED is not a word"
"stop touching your clothes" (when their hands are oily)
"Stop playing with toys"
"Eat over the plate"
"dont rub the table with the fork"

*after they finally finish*
"dont run/jump right after you eat"
"stop distracting your brother" (DD finished first and DS was still trying to eat)

I don't want to always say negative things to them, but I think everything I said is important to learn (good habits) but it seems like its 90% of what comes out of my mouth.

Is it just "kids being kids" and I should just let it be?
But if I don't teach them proper etiquette who will?

Do you all say those things during dinner or you just let it be? (or your kids dont do that)

Message edited 2/6/2021 11:45:01 PM.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Sure, let them run amok like banshees

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

All kidding aside, children do this. 4 and 6 is a bit young and it's tough for them to not be distracted by these things. Set clear expectations for dinner time behavior and let them know there will be consequences if you have yo repeatedly ask them to stop doing the same thing. Also make sure to praise good behavior as well, bit this is all very normal

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

I might pick one or two per week/month to work on. After you get to the third thing....it's the law of diminishing returns. All they will hear is blah blah blah blah blah. Not just kids, grown ups too.

Message edited 2/7/2021 2:06:35 AM.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

We have 3 kids, DH and I both work FT, so it’s literally a crap show around here. We pick our battles. Safety first. I have 3 boys who are forever jumping, trying a new dare, you name it. So that I won’t tolerate. I always say I don’t feel like making an ER visit tonight!!!!

The rest I would honestly just choose. I also noticed my kids tend to tune us out so if I go on and on they just stop listening. I have given up on cleanliness, my kids rarely eat over their plates (I have just attributed that to DH at this point!).

I don’t think it’s necessary to correct everything at every meal. A lot of this is age and maturity. If we all have survived a meal alive and the house isn’t a complete disaster i call it success.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Message edited 2/7/2021 3:23:48 AM.

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Why would you stop telling them what to do? They are 6 and 4, how else will they learn? Even at 21 and 17, I still tell my kids what to do at times. Only now, they are not required to listen.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

It's funny you posted this because just the other day I was thinking to myself that all I do is tell DD what to do and how to do it. LOL.
But, it is our job. I guess we should just watch HOW we say it. Make it not seem like we are putting them down, etc.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Maybe if you rephrase it slightly.
Focus on "why".

Why are you playing with your food?
Why are you kicking the table?

They will probably say "I don't know", but they may tell you something worth hearing.

"I don't like carrots. I like corn better."
"I get bored after a while..."

If you know why they are doing things, you can get a better handle on how to change their habits.

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

You need to turn around what you are saying and turn them into teaching moments or rephrase in a positive manner. If you are constantly saying negative things or correction them, that is what they are going to remember. My husband does this and it is honestly our biggest and most constant fight. I can't stand the negativity and it puts our kids on alert whenever he walks in a room. Everything you are staying is correct in teaching in them, it's just how you phrase it.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Meal time is tough. My DD was and is easy- she'll sit and eat and be done... DS is the opposite. He wants to run around, tells me no, says it's yucky, wants to play. It's never a peaceful mealtime.

For other stuff though... pick your battles. Is it THAT big of a deal if they run around after they eat? At least at home. Especially if they sat and ate relatively well. Maybe they'll get themselves sick, but probably not.

You can also try and spin it... "Let's sit down and finish our food so we can go play." so it's not so negative. I know this is easier said than done, especially after a few times when you just start to lose your patience.

But eh, I think this is just being a parent- you have to boss your kids around a bit to make them grow into people who are not complete a-holes.

When you're a grandparent, that's when you can chuck it all out the window and let them be wild. Or so my mother says.

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

I would remove all toys from where they are eating so they don't play with them.

Also - if it's taking them that long, maybe they aren't quite hungry? Maybe push back the mealtime? Or not have them snack as much before?

But like PPs said - I would focus on some of the items at a time as it does start to sound like blah blah blah.

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

I think you’re overthinking it all. You sound like any other parent. Truthfully, it never ends. From toddler to child to adolescent to teen and young adult - you’re always going to find yourself saying certain things over and over.

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

I’m a behavior analyst by profession and my house is chaos. Jail is more controlled

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

My DH can be nitpicky like this as well. I like to explain why we need to do things a certain way, but my DH will just say stop sitting on the couch like that. Meanwhile, I will say, we don't sit on the couch like that because..... My DS seems to respond better to my requests.

Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Thanks for the replies.

I never thought about the "tuning me out after awhile" - thats a good point.


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If you are constantly saying negative things or correction them, that is what they are going to remember. My husband does this and it is honestly our biggest and most constant fight. I can't stand the negativity and it puts our kids on alert whenever he walks in a room
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Yeah, thats my biggest concern. I believe everything I tell them is correct and how a person should act (my opinion) - but I don't want them to only think that I only correct them and I don't want them to get a complex.


>>
I think you’re overthinking it all. You sound like any other parent. Truthfully, it never ends. From toddler to child to adolescent to teen and young adult - you’re always going to find yourself saying certain things over and over.
>>


I know I have issues due to how strict my dad was...

see above "it puts our kids on alert whenever he walks in a room"

I know I was like that with my dad, I dont want the kids like that.

Message edited 2/9/2021 4:10:01 PM.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

My kids are around the same age and it sounds like my house. I don't think these are negative things per se. I think the delivery is more important than anything. I try not to come off demanding, annoyed, or anything like that... IMO teach them now while they are still young, but keep your composure.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

As far as correcting their language, they're still young. When they make grammar mistakes just model the correct way to say it back to them in the form of a response.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Kids are constantly testing their boundaries. I feel its parents jobs to give them boundaries. Establish boundaries now, so much easier when they are older.

Re: Should I stop telling the kids what to do?

Message edited 2/14/2021 12:06:32 AM.