Is it better not to give anything?

DD is in third grade.
She wants to give everyone in her class a gift for Christmas.

She wants to give them:
Gift bag with a candy cane and a notepad. (tiny notepad, like those in a 99 cent store)
For her "friends" she wants to add a pencil to the bag.

My wife thinks the amount of gifts is a bit cheesy and that its not worth giving. She thinks it looks bad that you have a bag and theres barely anything in it.
To me, I think -"Something is better than nothing" - but I'm an adult I have no idea how kids think.

But some girls are already catty in her class. (gossiping and talking with attitude in a group chat - DD does not have a phone so the chat is on my wife's messages)

Would she be made fun of for such a tiny gift?
DD told me she would be happy if someone gave her a notepad.

Would some parent's think less of us for giving such a tiny thing? (but again, my opinion is, I assume most people won't even give anything so how can you complain about what we give?)

But thats how I think, I don't know if that is how other people think...Should I try to convince DD not to give anything?

Message edited 12/13/2022 1:11:59 AM.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Never heard of kids giving gifts in class and I think it’s rude to give more to some than others as they will probably open it up right in front of everyone and see that.

What messages does your wife see on her phone from 3rd graders?

Is it better not to give anything?

I would do the notepad, pencil and candy cane for everyone. Its all or nothing.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

My kids loved getting those gifts at that age. I agree though, do same for everyone, candy cane, pencil and notepad. I can't imagine it costs much more to get an extra pack of pencils or two to cover the rest of the class. But also, doing nothing is fine. I have never done gifts like that at xmas. Only valentines day.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Is it better not to give anything?

hmmm so its strange to give something out for Christmas?
I can't remember that far back (40 years) but didn't kids give out candy canes during the holidays?
So would she be considered "weird" if she gave the gift out?
Should we tell her that people don't normally do it and she should not do that?



Regarding the messages...its a group chat started by Kid A.
One day kid L said "Hi"
Kid A - Who is this?
Kid L - its L
Kid A - who invited you?
Kid J - I invited her
Kid A - Kid J I will message you about who you are allow to invite
and then she kicked Kid L off the chat

another time, Kid A asked for the homework questions. Kid C replied and gave it. Then another time Kid A asked for HW questions again. Kid C said - Again? how come you dont have it
Kid A - gave some answer about not having it and for Kid C to just give it again and to stop questioning her
Kid C - too bad, I'm not giving it this time

this could be common conversations with kids these days, but I think its rude and messed up

Message edited 12/13/2022 8:25:24 AM.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

I guess it depends on the school & area but I see nothing wrong with her gift idea, with the exception that everyone should get a pencil.

My son used to get goody bags till 5th grade in his school for Christmas, V-day, & Halloween. His book bag used to be full of them. Do they not do that anymore?

Side note: Honestly, for the group chat - I probably would have removed my kid from it. I wouldn't want them around that negative energy and being involved in a chat that promotes exclusivity & bullying undertones.

Is it better not to give anything?

I think it's sweet that she wants to give her class something. Like others have said - I would give everything the same thing though.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Is it better not to give anything?

The chat:
Its a group chat and its the kids (or the kids on the parents phone).
But the ppl writing are the kids.
Its on my wife's messages because DD does not have a phone.

My daughter has not given anything out before.
Its my fault....I asked her "Do you want to give any gifts to your friends for christmas? (her friend gave her a water bottle last year)
She said she will think about it.
we were in CVS and we saw candy canes so I said "do you want to give candy canes to your class?"
She said "maybe" - then later she said she wants to give a gift to her class.
So I think she combined my two questions into 1 thing.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Message edited 12/13/2022 12:33:36 PM.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Is it better not to give anything?

Kindness wins. If your daughter chooses to give out goody bags, go for it. Be sure to add a gift tag with your daughters name. I wouldn't personalize them with classmates names to make distribution faster. Class moms might also give something out, too. Parties are fun, but also a little chaos from the excitement in the air. I also think all goody bags should contain the same goodies. As far as group text, I would get her off there. There are too many kind kids in the world so she should find them. It's the age of catty groups and mean gestures to start, no need to be a part of it. Unnecessary.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

I'd give to all the same. Catty girls will be anyways. If they don't like the bag, bad for them; but good for your DD for being thoughtful about her class. I think it is a very sweet gesture.

Is it better not to give anything?

I think it’s cute that she wants to give something.

I agree - every bag should be the same.

You had commented that it looks silly having so little in a bag - you can get smaller cello gift bags that make it look more full.

Is it better not to give anything?

I don't like the kids on the chat, but they are her "friends".
They are in her class and she plays with them in the park after school.

But they never ask her for play dates (in fact one of them had a party at her house and did not invite DD)

I think she likes feeling included, which I think everyone will feel also.

Re: Is it better not to give anything?

Re: Is it better not to give anything?