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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Playdate vent
I WFH several days per week. I have 3 kids. 2 of the 3 are out and about. My middle guy's crew is bizarre. It's an ongoing issue that if I don't reach out, this kid does not have playdates. I continue to do it because he's at a point where he notices that his brothers are always out and he's not and he cries about it. It's pretty awful.
So, here I am WFH and I invite kids to my house to keep him occupied. Here is my vent. EVERY SINGLE ONE of his friends have SAHM or they work in the schools. EVERY ONE OF THEM. They all know I am working from home. Do you think JUST ONCE one of them could invite my kid to their home for a play date and help me out? I'm not just saying this but this son is sweet, polite and just generally a good boy so I know he is not the reason he is not invited to their homes. One mom told me the thought of having playdates overwhelms her. Oh really? Try lawyering while having boys run through your house if you would like to see what overwhelmed actually feels like. Another mom told me she doesn't like it when kids mess up her house. Well neither do I but I still let the kids have friends over! Another mom actually said "I could never WFH with kids at the house. I'm surprised you don't try to find him playdates elsewhere." Like at your house, ma'am?
It's so annoying! I'm not looking for a free babysitter just a little reciprocity.
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Posted 7/26/23 11:35 AM  |
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Re: Playdate vent
So do the other kids get together or do they do other things during the day?
Can your son go to some type of camp to keep him busy?
I am like these women. Even though I am not a SAHM or work in a school, I am not the type to have a ton of kids in my home and I have never wanted to be "that house". It is just how I am. My house growing up was never the house either and my mom was a SAHM for 19 years.
Message edited 7/26/2023 12:11:02 PM.
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| Posted 7/26/23 12:10 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
Posted by windyweather21
So do the other kids get together or do they do other things during the day?
Can your son go to some type of camp to keep him busy?
I am like these women. Even though I am not a SAHM or work in a school, I am not the type to have a ton of kids in my home and I have never wanted to be "that house". It is just how I am. My house growing up was never the house either and my mom was a SAHM for 19 years.
No, his class as a whole is weird. They are not a socialized group. i don't know why. My other 2 roll with tons of kids but for reasons I can not explain, his grade is just not like that. And the weirder thing is that parents will say to me "I'm so happy you reached out. (Their kid) never gets invited anywhere other than to your house." It's just strange.
My house is "that house" and that's okay for me. I just don't understand why a parent whose kid is at my house every week can't invite my kid over once in a while to play for a few hours. I'm not saying the whole neighborhood, I totally get that people don't want that circus in their house, but one child at your house is not going to make a difference other than keeping your own kid occupied.
My son does go to camps earlier in the day.
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| Posted 7/26/23 12:37 PM |
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lpg21
LIF Infant
Member since 9/21 342 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
I feel like I could have written similar- I feel like my daughter's classmates parents just don't like to/want to have playdates. It is bizarre. I am trying to get her to socialize more because she is obsessed with hanging out with her older cousin all the time because she doesn't hang out with any friends outside of school (she is 8). Most recently a mom of a girl who was in her class this past year emailed me asking for my number so that she could text me a bday party invite. It was a pool party at their house at 3pm on a Monday, and I work and my DD goes to camp, so I told her, unfortunately, DD can't make it but I noticed you live right down the block from us so we should set up a playdate for the girls... and crickets... no response. So frustrating.
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| Posted 7/26/23 1:11 PM |
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busymomonli
Resident Insomniac
Member since 4/13 2050 total posts
Name:
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Playdate vent
My kids are older now, but I was always THE house. And the only mom who would pick up/drop off at the mall, the movies, you name it. And I have always worked full time where most others did not. It is very frustrating. I did find out eventually that one was suffering from illness, one's mom was a hoarder and she was too embarrassed to have anyone over, and another worked in the city. You just don't know what anyone has going on behind closed doors. So, keep an open mind but I do get where you are coming from.
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| Posted 7/26/23 1:39 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
Posted by lpg21
I feel like I could have written similar- I feel like my daughter's classmates parents just don't like to/want to have playdates. It is bizarre. I am trying to get her to socialize more because she is obsessed with hanging out with her older cousin all the time because she doesn't hang out with any friends outside of school (she is 8). Most recently a mom of a girl who was in her class this past year emailed me asking for my number so that she could text me a bday party invite. It was a pool party at their house at 3pm on a Monday, and I work and my DD goes to camp, so I told her, unfortunately, DD can't make it but I noticed you live right down the block from us so we should set up a playdate for the girls... and crickets... no response. So frustrating.
That's funny because my son is 8 also. Going into 3rd grade. He is FINALLY getting invited to birthday parties this year but last year we came home from vacation early so he could go to a birthday party. The kid had never been invited to a birthday of his classmates until AUGUST of between 1st and 2nd grade. I felt so bad for him. He would just watch his brothers go to party after party and he never had any. I learned from speaking with other parents that nobody had parties up until this one so I know it wasn't just my son not being invited. It was a whole topic of conversation actually about how there were no parties. When he got the invitation and I saw the date I told DH I will come home early because he is not missing this party. This year was better though. He had a bunch of parties in the spring but still no playdates.
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| Posted 7/26/23 2:41 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by lpg21
I feel like I could have written similar- I feel like my daughter's classmates parents just don't like to/want to have playdates. It is bizarre. I am trying to get her to socialize more because she is obsessed with hanging out with her older cousin all the time because she doesn't hang out with any friends outside of school (she is 8). Most recently a mom of a girl who was in her class this past year emailed me asking for my number so that she could text me a bday party invite. It was a pool party at their house at 3pm on a Monday, and I work and my DD goes to camp, so I told her, unfortunately, DD can't make it but I noticed you live right down the block from us so we should set up a playdate for the girls... and crickets... no response. So frustrating.
That's funny because my son is 8 also. Going into 3rd grade. He is FINALLY getting invited to birthday parties this year but last year we came home from vacation early so he could go to a birthday party. The kid had never been invited to a birthday of his classmates until AUGUST of between 1st and 2nd grade. I felt so bad for him. He would just watch his brothers go to party after party and he never had any. I learned from speaking with other parents that nobody had parties up until this one so I know it wasn't just my son not being invited. It was a whole topic of conversation actually about how there were no parties. When he got the invitation and I saw the date I told DH I will come home early because he is not missing this party. This year was better though. He had a bunch of parties in the spring but still no playdates.
I was going to ask how old your son is - I think some of it is a result of Covid - he started K then in 2020 if he's going into 3rd - and people didn't socialize then like they normally do. It sucks big time but that's prob part of it.
I feel bad - my older son goes to people's houses all of the time and I try to reciprocate but he thinks our house is boring (a lot of his friends have pools, beach houses and trampolines and we don't) but I try to send him with food if I am home when he goes. My younger son has friends over and goes to their houses in return.
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| Posted 7/26/23 3:01 PM |
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OhBoyorGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/12 1789 total posts
Name:
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Playdate vent
I work full time outside the home so I can’t say I host too many play dates, but my daughter is also 8 and going into 3rd and I can relate to what you’re saying about that age group not really socializing outside of school. Her teachers say she has friends and is well liked but it seems to all stop there.
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| Posted 7/26/23 5:25 PM |
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AliceCullen
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 1497 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
My son is also going into third grade and has no playdates and minimal parties. His first year of school was sept 2020 and there were no birthday parties and no one socialized become of covid. Even the following year there were only 1 or 2. These kids had a rough start at school and learning to socialize.
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| Posted 7/26/23 6:51 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
I think it's so interesting that those of us with 3rd graders are experiencing the same type of thing. My littlest is just a year behind and its like night and day. He has a ton of friends with moms who are constantly organizing play dates. They are the other extreme. I could find him a playdate any day and time of the week. In fact my middle guy typically will end up hanging out with my LO's friends but he cries (literally) that he wants to hang out with his friends. It's sad and frustrating.
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| Posted 7/26/23 11:30 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
I am coming to realize (and I am probably very late to the game with this!) that there are givers and takers in this world and not a ton of in between. You are a giver. I am too. And it totally sucks sometimes because you give and give and give and people just suck the life out of you. I don't really have any helpful words of advice because my giving has gotten me to the point where sometimes I am bitter and miserable and that is not who I ever was and not who I want to be. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. People suck.
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| Posted 7/27/23 9:10 AM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Playdate vent
My “rising” 4th grader is the biggest extrovert I have ever met. I have no idea how he’s related to me and my DH. I set up official play dates once a week over the summer which is a big deal for me. Luckily, we have a million kids in our neighborhood and he’ll gladly ride his bike house to house to either invite them over or invite himself over their houses. I’m also a teacher so over the summer, we go to the pool daily and he has tons of friends there.
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| Posted 7/28/23 2:15 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
Posted by PitterPatter11
My “rising” 4th grader is the biggest extrovert I have ever met. I have no idea how he’s related to me and my DH. I set up official play dates once a week over the summer which is a big deal for me. Luckily, we have a million kids in our neighborhood and he’ll gladly ride his bike house to house to either invite them over or invite himself over their houses. I’m also a teacher so over the summer, we go to the pool daily and he has tons of friends there.
I feel like as long as there's give and take it's fine but there are definitely parents that come up with every excuse to not have kids at their house but they are more than happy to drop them off at yours....
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| Posted 7/28/23 4:50 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: Playdate vent
Posted by lululu
Posted by PitterPatter11
My “rising” 4th grader is the biggest extrovert I have ever met. I have no idea how he’s related to me and my DH. I set up official play dates once a week over the summer which is a big deal for me. Luckily, we have a million kids in our neighborhood and he’ll gladly ride his bike house to house to either invite them over or invite himself over their houses. I’m also a teacher so over the summer, we go to the pool daily and he has tons of friends there.
I feel like as long as there's give and take it's fine but there are definitely parents that come up with every excuse to not have kids at their house but they are more than happy to drop them off at yours....
Yea I get that.
My DH was just complaining that my DS’ friends are eating all of our food so I understand lol
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| Posted 7/30/23 4:36 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdate vent
Posted by PitterPatter11
Posted by lululu
Posted by PitterPatter11
My “rising” 4th grader is the biggest extrovert I have ever met. I have no idea how he’s related to me and my DH. I set up official play dates once a week over the summer which is a big deal for me. Luckily, we have a million kids in our neighborhood and he’ll gladly ride his bike house to house to either invite them over or invite himself over their houses. I’m also a teacher so over the summer, we go to the pool daily and he has tons of friends there.
I feel like as long as there's give and take it's fine but there are definitely parents that come up with every excuse to not have kids at their house but they are more than happy to drop them off at yours....
Yea I get that.
My DH was just complaining that my DS’ friends are eating all of our food so I understand lol
Haha - nothing annoys me more than when my kids have friends over and they eat all the snacks that I needed to pack lunch/snack for the next day and I don't realize until I go to pack the snacks in the morning!
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| Posted 7/31/23 8:44 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Playdate vent
Yeah, that’s crappy. My DD is the same age and she has play dates once or twice a week. She and all her friends are in full day camp so the playdates usually consist of some playing and dinner. All the moms reciprocate. Sometimes we’ll do stuff on the weekends.
The working moms and SAHMs are very divided in my town so I don’t have these problems. None of DD’s friends have SAHMs soI have no idea what the SAHM play date circuit looks like. It’s like two separate worlds living blissfully unaware of one another.
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| Posted 8/1/23 11:13 AM |
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