another spinoff to SAHM

Is there anyone out there that DOESN'T want to be a SAHM...?

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

Having decided to complete my doctorate which I am now working on, I would feel to some extent that it would be wasted (along with the loans I took out which we will be paying for the next 30 years) if I did stay home full time. My mother worked part-time from home while we were growing up, which was an ideal situation. She paid for our camp, family vacation, and extras. But deciding who should stay home between me and DH, I have a higher degree and make more money (and would also guess work harder) so I resent the assumption that it is automatically the woman because they come out of my body. I do feel that I would be missing out on aspects of their lives, but I would also want to present an example of a strong woman who can support the family, make good money, and receive the highest degree in her field.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

personally, i'm torn. being a sahm mom would be great b/c i would know everything about my child. but, i couldn't put all financial pressures on my husband, and there is a big part of my that doesn't want to be identified solely as mom. i'd need something else, something to make me feel that i'm being productive. i love to work. i enjoy working...i'll behonest. and i love my career. i need something for myself, something that makes me take a shower b/c think about it...how many moms don't get dressed up or even wear makeup b/c they don't have to. i think that is not good for your self esteem and identity. i also would need somethiing to make money. food money, savings, gifts, etc. if we could afford it, the ideal situation would be subbing a couple of days a week until the wee one was in preschool.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I really have never wanted to be a SAHM. Although because of that I hesitate to TTC, between the cost of child care and having no nearby relatives that I would trust to care for a child. In the past DH and I have discussed him staying home rather than me, since I intend to go to law school (most days anyway), but we'll see what happens when the time comes. I have gotten grief from his family when we've discussed it...for some reason they don't understand that if I don't work we don't eat.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

my DH and I were talking about this the other day.

He wants to have another baby right away....I don't...
I really don't want to be a SAHM again, and that's exactly what will happen if we have another one.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

i just don't think i could be a SAHM....

my ideal is pt work. But i know that is not going to happen

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

Having done both my ideal thing would be to have a fufilling pt job and spend the rest of the time at home

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I don't plan to be a SAHM, things might change but my career is very important to me. I know that once we have children my thoughts may change. But I made a change at work in preparation, so that my schedule is more flexible. I work from home now. When we have children I will still have to have someone come in, probably 8 - 2.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I don't think I want to be a SAHM. I want to work part time and then work from home and then finally go back full time. In my line of work (editorial) I can do this (if I ever get a new job )

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

Ideally, I'd like to work part time, but my job is way more stable than DH's and has better benefits and retirement. So it seems unlikely that I will give up my job if and when we have children.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I wouldn't want to be a permanent SAHM, only bc my job is the one that provides us with all of our health benefits, 401K, etc. - not to mention all the perks we get as employees of our parent company. I am also in Juliet's field, and hopefully once DH and I have children, I wish to work part time after maternity leave, eventually going back to full time once the kids were old enough. I just know that I worked really hard to get to where I am today in my career, and although it's not much and I often complain about it - without my job I don't think we'd be able to support our children financially. I can't give up my salary and place in this field, it would not benefit anyone.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I don't know. I used to think that I would not want to be a SAHM. But there are some mornings when it is so hard for me to get up and I wonder how I will manage with a kid who will have to be ready to go out the door with me at the crack of dawn. Unless it's one of the two days when DH will work from home.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I would absolutely LOVE to be a SAHM. I think this mainly has to do with the fact I have been working fulltime for 16 years now (I started working in NYC at 19 yrs old), and I feel as though devoting myself to my child(ren) and raising a family is the next step I need and want to take in my life

HOWEVER living in NY and making the salaries DH and I do, its never going to happen. I definitely will need to return to work Full time, unless we make a complete move out of NY (which isn't likely to happen)

In a perfect world as some of you have said, I would work PT and closer to home

This is the one topic that REALLY stresses me out , given the fact we are currently TTC

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I am not sure if I would want to be a SAHM but the reality of it is I can't. Even factoring the cost of daycare I make enough to justify me working so right now I will work. If we have as many kids as my DH would like too, I can't imagine how I could work but I guess we will have to see.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I would love to work part time in private practice from home when my kids are little. I can't see not working entirely. I guess I also feel like I don't have that option at this point.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I wouldnt want to stay at home and not do "SOMETHING" with my time...I would like a p/t job or the ability to do something once my kids are in school as work that I enjoyed.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I don't want to be a SAHM. Part time is an option for me at my current job but I don't think I'll even take that option. (PS- I'm sure you can find something part-time Red)

I don't think I've ever really wanted to be SAHM. It's just not me. My mom stayed home with us when we were very very little so I don't remember that, all I remember is her working constantly, changing careers, going to school and constantly fulfilling her ambitions. It made her a better person and made me aspire to do the same.

I just couldn't have my only identity be "Mom".

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I wouldn't want to be a SAHM permanetnly, but like I said on the other post, I envy those people who are given the option. Financially, it's not an option for us.

With that said, I'm hoping for a 3 or 4 day office week and working 1 or 2 days from home.

We shall see if that works out...

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

Me! I really think that some women are cut out for being SAHM's and some women aren't. I'm not one of them. I also think that a lot of it has to do with the way you are raised. For myself, I was raised by a mom who worked my whole life - she's a college professor and holds her PHD in educational psychology. All while growing up, she and my father pressed into me over and over and over again that my career is just as important as my brother's, and that I could do anything I wanted. I was pushed even more so than my siblings, I think for that very reason. I look back and have absolutely no regrets about how I was raised. I love my parents dearly, have absolutely no grief with them for raising me while both working, and enjoy that I'm more independent than most of my friends. Not only that, though, I've been doing a lot of reading that indicates that children who grow up with SAHM's aren't necessarily better off - in fact, research shows that it's very important for your child to learn how to interact and socialize with other children AND adults, and equally important for your child to learn how to form bonds with other adults. Last, I know myself, if I stayed at home I would do a disservice to my child and myself - I would go insane. That's not to say I won't love my child to death and spend as much time as possible with him/her. Just, that I'd like to spend part of my day with adults, and that part of my day I spend with my child will be quality time dedicated solely to him/her...

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I thought I wanted to totally stay at home...but I found this GREAT job that I love and it's like a family to me. So....I'm hoping to go back eventually just for the socialization and sanity break. Not sure if I'll go back after 6 weeks....I'm due in Jan and our school year is out in May...so maybe I'll do half a year....I have not decided yet nor have we played the numbers to see if I can afford to stay home 24/7

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

Right now I say I don't want want to be a SAHM, but who knows what will happen after the baby is born. My mind says I didn't go to school all these years and incur 80K in loans to not use my degrees.

Right now we can't afford for me not to work, so I will be looking for a job in Aug. After DH is done with law school next May, we'll see where we are and decide from there. DH said he'd be willing to say home if I have a great job.

I actually wouldn't want to be home when the kids are babies... I think it's important to be around when they are JHS age. My mom worked while I was young, but she stayed home from 7th grade on. At the time I hated it, but looking back it kept me in line from doing really stupid things and it was nice to have her home after school.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

Right now I'm finishing my bachelors in speech therapy and then going on to get my masters. My ultimate goal is to work part time as a therapist and be a SAHM for the rest of the time. I don't think I could be home all the time. We have even discussed FH staying home when we have kids because his job isn't as stable. We'll see when the time comes.

Re: another spinoff to SAHM

I'm pretty much certain I don't want to be only a SAHM. I would like it for awhile, but I would get bored, and probably resentful of DH for having a career while I mostly took care of the baby, honestly. I would want him to take as much care of it (them) as I did. It's just the way I am. And DH understands this, and would do everything in his power to keep the scales balanced. So I think for us the best solution would be for both of us to work part-time, or 3/4 time, with one taking over when the other one is done. This is true even in my dream situation, which is both of us working from home. It would be hard, but both of us would influence our children pretty much equally, which is what we want.