In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

A good friend of mine is getting married out of state next October and she asked all the married ladies in her BP not to go off their BCP pills for 6 mths, b/c she doesn't want any of us to be too pg to fly to her wedding. I was a little shocked when she said this----it was a pretty ballsy request to make.
Little does she know that i've been off BCP for over 2 years (I stopped taking them b/c of benign liver condition called FNH, which could be caused by the hormones in BCP), and that we've been TTC for the last 2 mths. I didn't say anything when she made the request, but my DH thinks I should tell her that we're not going to put TTC on hold.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
TIA.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I would totally call her on it. What if you got pg? Then she'd be saying, "But I TOLD you....".

My dear friend just got engaged and is planning a destination wedding AND wants us to go on a cruise for her bachelorette party . I'm pg- due in June. I flat out told her- look, I'm going to be breastfeeding, so no cruise for me, and the baby will be coming to the wedding if you want me there.....

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

First of all, congrats!!!
I guess i should call her and be upfront. I understand that she is at that stage where everything is about her wedding and that being pg is the last thing from her mind, so I'm trying to see if from her perspective, but I'll have to let her into my world a bit as well so that she sees that it is possible I could be very PG come her wedding or have a very, very newborn, and in either case, I wouldn't be able to attend :(
She used to live in NY and recently moved, so I was , b/c I knew this situation could arise, that the wedding would be in NY and not out of state.
I just don't want to mention it prematurely, but I guess she needs to know where i'm coming from.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Also, I have the other perspective. I had a VERY pregnant bridesmaid in my wedding party. She offered to drop out- I told her if she felt uncomfortable, then I understood- but I was THRILLED.

She stayed in my party. I thought it was the most precious sight- having a symbol of what marriage represents (family) in my wedding pics.

ETA:thanks for the congrats!

Message edited 12/17/2006 11:06:57 PM.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Your friend has a lot of nerve to ask such a thing of people. I would call her on it and NOT put your life on hold.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

My friend would be happy if any of her friends were there and preg, she is just worried that one of us won't be able to attend, b/c it is a plane ride away. i know the shower will be in NY. I guess the whole thing is that you don't know what the future is going to bring, but i can't hold off ttc for 6 mths.
my half-sis was 6 mths preg at my wedding. she wore a different dress, felt huge---i thought she looked so cute, and she was there and i'm so happy she was part of the BP.
Definitely special to look at the pics and see how she looked.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Is it really her decision to decided when you go off BCP and are TTC??

People have some nerve

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I've never been in a similiar situation. But I think your friend has alot of nerve. You can tell her what your husband said and say we aren't putting off TTC. I wouldn't say a thing and if you turned out to be pg, so be it. A child is alot more important than a wedding.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Posted by chelle

Is it really her decision to decided when you go off BCP and are TTC??

People have some nerve

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Coming from a person who is worried about being a pg bridesmaid, I would never have asked any of my friends to keep taking their BCP! Who the hell am I to tell someone what to do with their life?

I think your friend needs to get off her pedestal and cut the bridezilla crap!!!

And what if she had a friend who was secretly TTC and having no luck? Does she realize how insensitive she sounds?!?!?!!?!?!?

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Honestly, I think that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I think that it is not right for a friend to hinder your life in anyway, especially when it comes to your family.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

First of all...you shouldn't have to justify yourself.

I don't think it is necessary to tell her you are trying.

When you do get pregnant, if she has a problem with it, she's not a good friend.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

she has got some set on her, the nerve

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

what is with some people? that is so selfish! 2 things, #1 its none of her business if you and DH are planning a family - you shouldn't need to explain or excuse yourself or delay such an important thing - if you do get pg, and she doesn't like it - drop out of the wedding party. OR if you are not comfortable with that, i would let her know that while you are honored at being in her wedding party, you and DH will not be delaying ttc for any reason

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I was sorta on the other side-- I knew I was most likely going to have prego bridesmaids, so I made a point to find BM dresses, etc., that also offered cute maternity options, etc. The thought would have NEVER occured to me to tell my friends to not go off BCP though-- that's a little ridic.

But, my MOH ended up getting pregnant and her due date was a week before my wedding-- while I was extremely happy for her, I was upset that there was a chance that she would not be able to come at all.

She ended up giving birth via c-section on her due date, and came to the wedding to take a couple of pics, walk down the aisle and see our first dance. While I was happy she was able to do that-- I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed that we didn't get to spend more time together that day.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I think it was wrong of your friend to even approach this subject with you. TTC is a very personal thing and you do it when it is right for you in your life, not according to someone else's schedule. I do not even think you need to let her know your plans. If you get pg (and here's to hoping you do ) then when you are ready for people to know, you can have a conversation about it then with her and figure it out together.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I wouldn't put TTC off for a friend. I am currently for my BIL's wedding in 4 months but not for a friend or cousin. Sister and Brother, yes but no one else.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I had 3 bridesmaids in my party that were all preggo before my wedding. Unfortunately 2 ended in M/C and one was born 2 weeks before my wedding. I was thrilled for all of them and I stressed to them that if they felt it would be too much to stay in the wedding party I completely understood.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

If you get pregnant, would she really say, "But I told you not to."?

Such craziness.

If you aren't telling people that you are TTC, don't tell her now. Why does she deserve the inside info that you are not ready to give out?

But

If you do tell her, you may want to just come out and say that you have to drop out of the wedding party because you can't put your plans on hold. Leave it up to her to ask to you re-think that.

And last but not least, do not put TTC on hold for your friend. Imagine if you did that and then she called off the wedding (not saying that will happen, just showing how crazy it is to ask a friend to out their plans on hold).

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Wow - it's just amazing how ridiculous some people can be. How self-centered does one need to be to try to dictate the decision of another to reproduce?
I think I would laugh in her face.

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I don't why but this makes me so mad that someone could actually have the nerve to ask people to put their lives on hold for a wedding!! i understand she wants you there but sometimes you don't get what you want! i wanted by grandmother at my wedding but she was too sick to show. how dare someone try to control that aspect of ayone's life. conceiving a baby can be a very difficult thing and some people need extra time. why would anyone put it off for someone else's wedding? i'm sorry to get so upset. i don't even post much but i can't stand when girls think that their wedding should be THE most important thing to everyone else! good luck and no matter what you choose to do it is your choice and no one elses. as long as you're comfortable with it

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

Wow, that is real ballsy!!!

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I think that is so rude of her to ask you to not go off BCP!

Re: In my friend's wedding and she asked that we don't go off our BCP

I think your friend is so out of line. I would just ignore the request and if it happens it happens. She has no right to intrude on your life and your decisions.

I'm sorrry you have to deal with someone acting like this, it is so inconsiderate.