I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

My husband and I are in debt. Yes I'm hiding. I'm ashamed and embarassed how bad it is.
We are so behind and can't seem to catch up. I think everyday about it, but I keep telling myself it's not that bad when in reality IT IS.

I want to sell my car but he thinks it would be a waste to buy a used car and have to keep dumpng $ into it. I just figure that would be a way to save $ every month.

Our credit s u c k s and we have loans to repay ontop of both of us having school loans. We can't afford anything. We live with his parents and have to pay rent-but not alot.

I'm a mess. I really am. I don't know what to do anymore

Any suggestions?

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

Can you maybe call a company or financial planner that works on debt consolidation? I think they call all creditors and help you consolidate the debt into managable monthly payments.

Would that be helpful?

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

can you call your credit card companies to negotiate a lower rate? Is your credit that bad that you couldn't get a 0% card to transfer the balances so more of your money goes to principle?

Are you deducting your interest on the student loans when you do your taxes?

How about a second job for a short time to help dig out.

I know how this must be keeping you up at night. It's a horrible feeling.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel.

take every single one of your bills - put them on the table. wirte down every balance, minimum payment and interest rate.

Then make a budget (FM me and I can help you with this!) pay the highest rate debt first and work your way down.

you can get thru this

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I feel your pain. Trust me.

I can't only suggest what the pp have said.

Good Luck! Everything will work out!

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I am so sorry you are going through this.
Honestly, what helps us sometimes is coupons..I am a HUGE coupon clipper and also a HUGE change saver..Even if the order comes to something like $10.18, I don't go hunting for that .18, I just say 'nope, sorry, no change"...Quarters add up very fast..

Before we got married DH told me he saved singles as well..I started doing the same and it added up VERY fast and helped towards our wedding.

Can you maybe transfer your cards to one with 0% interest?

I hope this helped a little. Sorry it's not much.

Message edited 2/26/2008 10:47:09 AM.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

Start tracking all your income and all your expenses - pay attention to the little things they really add up.

Then find ways to cut out anything you really don't need or find ways to do them less expensively. For example, magazine subscriptions are less expensive then buying on the news stand. Netflix is less expensive then premium cable channels. Brown bag lunch, get a good travel coffee mug, etc.

Make a list of all your debt and pay it down as aggressively as you can starting with the highest interest rates.

Look into a second job or other things like sell stuff on Ebay or craigs list that you can do for extra cash.

Call your credit companies and see if you can negotiate better interest rates.

Message edited 2/26/2008 10:48:58 AM.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

There is so much good information here! I just wanted to offer you hugs.

When DH and I started our business we had NOTHING. I used to have $10 to spend throughout the week on coffee or extra things, brought my lunch to work, and couldn't make friends at work because I couldn't afford to go out to lunch with anyone, or chip in for office parties and gifts. But it was so worth it to be able to put money away, and reinvest our salaries into our business.

If you can look at paying down the debt as an investment in yourself and future you might be motivated to find creative ways to save.

FM me if you want to talk, I know it's stressful.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

Keep a journal of everything you spend. You will see how the little things add up to a lot of $$. Try to stop spending money on non-necessitites. Cut out cable. Put any extra money towards the loan with the highest interest rate. Pay the rest of your bills on time so they cc companies don't increase your interest rates. Cut out any extra memberships. magazines. Talk to your inlaws and see if they can reduce your rent temporarily, but promise to pay the adjusted rate back within a specified time period. Get a second job for both of you.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I've worked second jobs to help cover expenses at times, like before my wedding when I waited tables at night.

I would go to a free credit counseling service, many county and city offices offer them. Cut back, pre-paid cell, no cable. Its stinks but it what you have to do in the short term to get things right for the long term. If carpooling or public transportation is an option, then do that. If you have high car payments, sell the cars for lesser ones. Most importantly keep the lines of communication open with you DH and work together. You can get through this.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

How did you get into the debt?

Overspending?

Or not making enough money?

Poor management?

Do you both work?
Do you currently make less money than the debts?

I'm really working hard on debt management and so is FH.

He was able to consolidate his credit card debt into a low interest loan from a credit union. It's not debt consolidation, but a personal loan.

Make a list of every bill, figure out how much money you need each month to survive. Maybe you need to get a higher-paying job? I don't know what your debts are.

Can you get rid of a cell phone or a land line? Can you share internet with parents, if not already doing so?

It makes a big difference to pay only the minimum on the lower insterest rate debts, and pay as much as you can to the highest rate. I was able to gain some momentum by opening a 0% interest card to transfer my highest balance. The trick then is to cut up the empty credit card.

I don't know exactly what your situation is, but the Suze Orman books and website actually helped me learn a lot and figure out what I needed to do.,

I would also checkj your credit report. I got very high rates, and I thought it was because I had made some late payments back in the day, but it turned out that since I'm an authorized user on other people's cards, that debt was reflected in my debt/income ratio. I made calls to my CC companies and with a littlle persistence I got the rates lowered.

if you are in really big trouble, you can actually call the CC companies to see if you can charge off some of your debt. This does go on your credit report, but so do missed and late payments, and if this can eliminate some of those, then I think it's worth it to start climbing yourself out of the debt hole.

I think we could probbaly give better siggestions if we had a few more details about your situation.

I know how frightening debt can be, Good Luck!

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

Is it possible to apply for a hardship deferral on your student loans?

I'm not sure of the requirements for a hardship deferral, but it's worth a shot.

If you don't qualify for the deferral, perhaps you can spread the payments out over a longer period of time, which would lower your monthly payments.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I would say debt consolidation as well.

I don't know if it stays on your credit as well.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I feel your pain. DH and I have been working so hard to get out of debt as well. I had $15k in CC debt, on top of student loans, a car payment, etc.

I made a spreadsheet of every debt, the interest rate, what the balance to limit % is on all CCs (to help improve credit scores), and how much I pay towards them each month. I then went on bankrate.com and used their calculators to determine how much I need to pay toward each debt to get it paid off in x time, as well as how long it will take to pay off with the amount I'm paying each month now (it's helpful to see just how long it would be...motivation to do it faster). I then deduct all of our monthly expenses from our salaries to determine our monthly budget.

I also make a spreadsheet and track EVERY SINGLE PENNY we spend and lump them into the same categories I use for the budget to determine where we are overspending. We have found this to be VERY helpful. It's amazing how much one can spend.

Feel free to FM if you want to talk. I know it seems impossible, but you WILL get through it. It's a slow process, and a lot of work, but it's worth it in the end.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

what about getting a part time job?
Bartending makes fast cash, and if you get into a good bar, you could make $$$. Waitressing is cash too.....

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I agree with what others said as the first step being to track your spending.
On average people lose $200 a month spending on things they wouldn't need to- a coffee here, pack of gum there- individually, these don't seem like a big deal but when added up, that's a good chunk of change to pay down your debt.
What helps us is making a menu & list for the supermarket- it really stops us from making impulse purchases and not using what we buy every week.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

everyone has really good ideas.

I think the best advice would be to take control TODAY - it will make you feel powerful and help you sleep at night...and trust that you are still young enough to turn it around and not have to live ashamed the rest of your life..

and most importantly, know you are not alone. It is a very common problem, but also a very fixable problem!

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I agree with much of what was posted above.

HOWEVER, I would never ask the CC companies for a charge off. Charge offs will ruin your credit and stick around for many years. They look far worse than late payments. What you should do in the alternative if call the company, explain that you are having trouble making the payments, and ask them to work with you to lower your minimum payments or interest rates so you can make on-time payments every month. The vast majority of CC companies will work with you.

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I def feel your pain. I have no advice because we are really bad with money but many

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

my advice is to read the book Total Money Make over

are you still using credit cards- stop today

make a promise to yourself not to debt

I use to have a major problem- I finally woke up last year and I have competely changed my feeling about money, credit, etc

you have 1 major thing going for you- and that is that you live with Family- I think you need to be open and honest with them- and ask them to either take the rent money and then give it back to you every 3 months- to pay a bill with- or not to take the money at all- but you should show them you are using it to pay down debt

you need to take control of this- and realize that you didn't get into debt over night and you aren't going to get out of it over night- make a plan, crunch the numbers- keep a spending log- figure out where you waste money

if I would right down all the money you owe, the rate you pay on it, the minium payment etc

feel free to FM me- I have become quite the expert in the last year

it will get better- but it's going to take time and HARD work

you need to change your attitude about money- so you never get into this situation again

Re: I'm so sad-I don't even know what to do...

I work at a local CU and we offer a free wervice from a company called BALANCE>
They are not like the ones you see on Tv, tryto stay away from those at all costs.
Balance is there to help you figure out where your money goes and how to use it better to get out of debt.
Heres their info: 1-888-456-2227 or
www.balancepro.com

Make sure that you have time to sit down and do everything, you will be on the phone for a while.

HTH