They break my heart sometimes...6/22 "RESOLUTION"

I had one of the saddest conversations I've had in a while today.

It seemed like it would just be a quick talk in the hallway with one of my juniors because he hadn't given me a form for a college recommendation for next year. But then he told me he'd had family problems the night before it was due, so I was ready and willing to let it go... but he kept looking at me like he was waiting for me to ask what happened. So I asked if everything were all right, and even though he nodded, I was pretty sure his eyes had welled up, and then he turned around. I said his name, though, and he turned back and just started crying.

I felt horrible. I took him to the nearest classroom (which, fortunately, was empty), and he couldn't stop crying. It was so obvious that he'd been bottling it all up because whenever he tried to stop, he just started again. I finally asked him if he wanted a hug, and he kind of nodded desperately, so I hugged him, and he calmed down enough to tell me what was going on...

Apparently, his parents fight a lot and have mentioned divorce in the past, but now he thinks they're really going to get one. He had to go because his dad was waiting for him, so he thanked me and then left. I just hate when there's nothing you can do to help them...

UPDATE:
Well, I pulled him aside after the Regents today, and we went to my classroom to talk. He told me a little more about what goes on at home, and suffice it to say... it's not easy to be this kid. He cares so much about his mom, and she's so miserable and relies on him SO much... and says he has to be the strong one. I felt so terrible. I asked if he speaks to anyone about this, and he said no, so I told him that I will ALWAYS listen to him next year even though I won't be his teacher anymore, and he kind of muttered to himself, "that would help," so I'm thinking it might actually happen. I hope so, at least...

Thanks so much for all of your responses. They've helped a lot.

RESOLUTION: (Well, relatively speaking.) Just thought I'd let everyone know since you were all so empathetic for this poor kid, and he really made my day yesterday. He e-mailed me a question about a college recommendation, and he included this line: "Thank you for being a great listener by the way. I really needed to let it out soon before it got any worse."
I'm so happy he wrote that. Now I have hope that he really will talk to me next year.

Message edited 6/24/2008 6:55:28 PM.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...

I think you already did help him, by giving him a shoulder to cry on--it was probably very hard for him to let it out--and you gave him the opportunity to do that.

Poor guy. I hope it works out for him. Sometimes it is better when parents divorce.

I am sure that you were a comfort to him already.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...

OMG....I can't imagine....the stuff these kids go through...I'm sorry you had to see him in such pain! I hope he'll be okay

Your students must really trust and love you to come to you like that....you are doing an amazing job! I'm sure the hug you gave him really gave him the strength to go on with the day

Re: They break my heart sometimes...

How wonderful that you were able to be there for him at that moment and that he felt safe and comfortable enough to open up. It never ceases to amaze me all these kids go through and all the pressure on them, too. things get a little easier for him.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...

for that poor kid.

As we all know, so many of our kids are facing things we cant even see or imagine on a day to day basis. They are truly resilient though and in his case, he is lucky to have such a caring teacher.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...

Thank you all so much for your responses. They really did make me feel better about this.

Last night, I remembered a journal assignment I'd given back in November because one of the kids had written about how much his parents fought, and I remembered being surprised by it. Fortunately, I'd kept a copy for myself, and I ACTUALLY found it this morning. It was the same kid.

So I brought it to his guidance counselor, and I told her the story. Her mouth fell open (like I said, he's the LAST kid you'd expect this from), and then she told me to just keep making sure he knows I'm there for him since he opened up to me. (She also said, of course, that she probably won't see him again before the end of the year... way to make an effort. )

In any case, he has my regents tomorrow, so I'll see him then. I think I'll pull him aside to talk for a little while when it's done. I definitely need that for my own sake as well. I just hope he's doing ok... I'll update again after I do see/talk to him.

Thanks again for all of your support. It does mean so much.

Message edited 6/17/2008 6:56:39 PM.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...UPDATE AT BOTTOM

I know you already got a lot of responses and updated but I just had to respond.

You have no idea how much of a difference you just made in that boys life. So many times, we teachers are faced with overwhelming demands and it becomes hard to go that extra mile and do the right thing for the child. You saw he needed support and you were there for him. I think he will always remember that. I hope his situation gets better.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...UPDATE AT BOTTOM

Keep the lines of communication open with him...let him know your there

Re: They break my heart sometimes...UPDATE AT BOTTOM

i can't believe that counselor can't make the time to see him....

but you're great being there for him. sometimes that's all we can do.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...UPDATE AT BOTTOM

I'm with you there

Every year there is one student who has something horrible to deal with-

This year one of my girls has been molested by her own dad

Re: They break my heart sometimes...UPDATE 6/18 IN FIRST POST

BUMP for anyone who was interested in the conversation.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...UPDATE 6/18 IN FIRST POST

aww Bless you for being such a comfort to him

I wonder if he'll have anyone to talk to all summer.

You gave him hope and confidence by your words. He was blessed to have crossed paths with such a wonderful teacher and person.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...UPDATE 6/18 IN FIRST POST

Posted by anna

aww Bless you for being such a comfort to him

I wonder if he'll have anyone to talk to all summer.

You gave him hope and confidence by your words. He was blessed to have crossed paths with such a wonderful teacher and person.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...6/22 "RESOLUTION"

BUMP for anyone who was wondering.

Re: They break my heart sometimes...6/22 "RESOLUTION"

thanks for the update!! You are really doing your job and MORE and he appreciates it!

Re: They break my heart sometimes...6/22 "RESOLUTION"

it's soooo great when the kids see what we try to do for them! that's awesome!

Re: They break my heart sometimes...6/22 "RESOLUTION"

Posted by donegal419

it's soooo great when the kids see what we try to do for them! that's awesome!

Re: They break my heart sometimes...6/22 "RESOLUTION"

awwww thanks for the update!

and that's great that you now have his email address, so that maybe in the summer you can send him a "hope your summer is going well" email, is that considered appropriate/ ok, given his circumstances?

but it's a good way to keep tabs on him and stay in the loop of how he's doing, as well as making him feel like youre only an email away if he needs you.

lucky kid to find a teacher like you