If this helps . . .(long)

I’m not a regular poster but I hope this helps. . .

I have been a sm for the past 20+ years. DH and I married when ss was still young and although it was supposed to be joint custody he was with us more than his bm – who was and still is a total waste. . . but I digress.

I’ve been through all the stages with ss. The you owe me stage; you’re the reason my parents split stage; the I hate you stage; and all the others in between. Now we are the best of friends and he has little, if anything to do with his bm.

I admit it was hard over the years because you can only go so far with them being the sm. But in the end if I had to do it all over again I would in a heartbeat. I look at my ss (who is now grown with a child of his own) and realize it was OUR love and influence on him, not his mother’s, that made him the man he is today.

My best advice to all sm’s out there – love them like your own! There is no difference in my book (DH and I could not have children). In the end they will realize it was your love and support that got them through life and that you were not the bad guy or “evil sm”. If you have ever read the adopted child’s poem, it goes for sc as well.

Another piece of advice – any arguments, conversations, etc. that have to do with your ss, or his bm MUST take place out of the earshot of the child. No child wants to hear bad things about their parent, and it makes you look even worse. To this date, even though my ss knows what a pos his bm is, we still don’t talk about her in front of him (or our gs). When he was younger he asked why we didn’t like her, etc., and there were two simple responses – “you’re too young to understand right now, but when you’re older and you ask we’ll give you the reason” or “for reasons best not known to you at this time”.

I wish all of you the best of luck – remember we’re the lucky ones and your sc is a part of your dh and that’s all that matters. You’ll be with your dh the rest of your life, your sc will grow and have a family of his own one day and (if they are like mine) your dh and sc will treat you like the queen that you are!

Re: If this helps . . .(long)

Thank you for your words of wisdom. It definitely gives me hope that it will be all good one day. Thank you for sharing!

Re: If this helps . . .(long)

thank you so much for the pep talk. i love being a sm and i wouldn't change it for the world.

Re: If this helps . . .(long)

What a fantastic post!! It ain't easy being a SM but you really shed a lot of perspective on the situation. Thank you!

Re: If this helps . . .(long)