How do you deal with passive agressive co-workers?

Ok, I'm a teacher - but PLEASE don't move this to teachers, because its really more of a 'how do i deal with this type of personality' topic.

This is going to be long..........

Ok, so we have weekly team meetings. I happen to be the team leader (lucky me ). In any case, our team is comprised of 5 new teachers and 2 veterans (and I use the term loosely since 1 of the 2 has only been teaching for 2 years). So the overwhelming majority of teachers are either new to teaching or just new to the school. The two 'older' teachers are extreeeeemely opinionated and borderline rude. They both exhibit passive aggressive behavior, and they both happen to HATE each other. While they are not open about it, it is a massive friggen elephant in the room. They also both suck up to the principal and the principal ADORES them. It's almost like one wants to always one-up the other.

One of the 2 'older' teachers (we'll call her Mary) has been teaching for 9+ years, and the other one (we'll call Lucy) is 22 years old, still studying for her master's, and has 2 years experience - this is actually her second year of teaching- so she really has 1 full year of experience. In my eyes, Lucy has zero social skills and really no authority over anyone at our school. She has no idea what it means to 'be professional' or how to speak to colleagues. She is severely immature professionally and emotionally. I am often disgusted by how to speaks to Mary (considering she has VERY little experience compared to Mary), and I have often witnessed her chew out other colleagues IN FRONT OF STUDENTS.

Today it blew up in our meeting. Lucy decided she didn't need to be a part of today's meeting (which is mandatory). Honestly though, it was nice not having her at the meeting because there isn't a tension in the room when she isn't there. So I THOUGHT none of us cared or wanted to make a big deal of it. But Mary, looking to pull one over on Lucy, went (behind everyone's back) to the principal and complained that Lucy didn't find it important enough to be at our meeting. None of us knew she did this. We all just thought Mary got up to use the ladies room. Within 2 minutes of Mary's return back to the meeting, Lucy comes FLYINGGGGGG into the room and announces "Ok, so what's so important that I have to be here right now???" All of us looked up in shock. (It was actually really sad. She was COMPLETELY embarrassing herself.) Then, after no one said anything, she continues, "I'm counting down from five, and if no one wants to tell me why I should be here today, I'm leaving. 5-4-3-2-1. I'm out of here." And flies out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later, hours after the meeting I find out that Mary went and complained to the principal DURING out meeting.

So my question is, what the HELLLLLLLL do I do as a team leader? This is obviously a PERSONAL matter - one which I do NOT want to insert myself into....however, it is CONSTANTLY coming to our team meetings EVERY week and killing our team's morale.

I cannot BELIEVE the immaturity of these women.

Oh, and for the record, I cannot go to my principal and tell her this. Mary and Lucy are her babies and she's been known to 'get rid of' teachers who have disagreements with her babies.

Any help/advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

Message edited 12/18/2008 9:04:50 PM.

Re: How do you deal with passive agressive co-workers?

The only advice I have comes from the greatest movie ever made, Swingers.


Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big frigging teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these frigging claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these frigging claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With *this* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you're not just like messing with me?
Trent: No I'm not messing with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.


Honestly, man. You've got to kill the bunny. Tell them both to cut it out because they're bringing the team down.


eta: to be more PC

Message edited 12/18/2008 9:20:41 PM.

Re: How do you deal with passive agressive co-workers?

Jenn - what would I do without you????

You KNOW that is like my ALL time favorite movie, right?!

Part of me doesn't even want to get involved in the BS.

It's making me take anxiety meds.

Re: How do you deal with passive agressive co-workers?

I couldn't be your friend if Swingers wasn't your favorite movie.

You're good at talking to people though Bon - don't be afraid... be the team leader.

Sorry you have to take the meds, your first year must be so hard!

Re: How do you deal with passive agressive co-workers?

Posted by Jenn627

I couldn't be your friend if Swingers wasn't your favorite movie.

You're good at talking to people though Bon - don't be afraid... be the team leader.

Sorry you have to take the meds, your first year must be so hard!

Re: How do you deal with passive agressive co-workers?

Re: How do you deal with passive agressive co-workers?

I would go to the principal with a documented list of behaviors they are exhibiting. Tell him what your plan of action is to resolve the issue. Tell him/her that you would like his/her full support & would like him in the room, but that you will handle it as the team leader (THIS MEANS YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT & BE IN CONTROL).

I would call them both into a meeting
Tell them that while it is not required that they are friends at work, they are expected to be professional. Their actions toward each other (demeaning each other, telling behind each other's back, etc) may be expected of students but it is not acceptable on a professional level.

You can't define an attitude as it's subjective. You can focus on the actions though.

Tell them that their actions are driving their team apart & lowering morale and going forward if they cannot be professionals, they will not be part of your team (obviously clear it with the principal).

I have a document on how to deal with an employee’s bad attitude that I often refer back to when this comes up at work. If you want me to email it to you, FM me the address.

Also your principal must step up to the plate & back you on this as it is making you an ineffective leader and him/her an ineffective manager to have it continue. They may not be aware of it as they're both suck ups.

I find managers often don't want to be the bad guy. Being a good manager means you are fair & responsible - sometimes you have to be tough, sometimes you have to deliver the tough news or constructive criticisms. Allowing this to continue in your school isn't good for employee morale and doesn't make for a place condusive to learning.